You guys, I am getting my period next week.
Goodbye 2.3 male readers!
Anyway, ladies, as I was saying: Period. Next week. Thanks to the advanced science of genius medical minds, I know exactly when that is going to happen just because I take a pill everyday. Pharmaceuticals are amazing. That also means that as I empty the last row of pink pills in this pack, I know I am going to want to eat everything. Actually, no. That's not true. I have a table full of fruits and vegetables at home, including the most adorable mini watermelon ever created by god or man (the label says organic, but let's face it: probably man). Do I want to eat the adorable tiny watermelon? Well, yes, but what I want to eat more is chips, sourdough pretzels, soft pretzels, those chewy sugary peach ring things, french fries, and all the delicious and expensive cheese available in Philadelphia.
I am currently staring at a cucumber and a tomato. I brought them with me to work so I could cut them up into a lovely snack salad. I am also currently staring at an empty bag of baked Cheetos. PMS Brain: 1, Willpower: 0. I'm not quite in the depths of despair yet - at least I counted the points that bag of "baked" Cheetos cost me. On the other hand, I had to move the cucumber because at this point in my cycle I am so lustful that even seeing a vaguely phallic vegetable makes me feel amorous. So I moved it over to the other side of my desk, where it will be forgotten about until it withers and dies like all of the other well-intentioned fruits and vegetables I bought the other day.
So what I was actually going to tell you, dear 3.7 readers, is that today is Pottermore day! In case you are not an incurable nerd like me, allow me to explain. A week ago a new YouTube channel called JK Rowling Announces went up with a countdown and advice to "watch the owls." A website also unveiled called Pottermore, which was little more than JK Rowling’s signature and a link to the YouTube channel. This morning the announcement went up on both sites. Pottermore is going to be "comprehensive website with a number of features, including e-books and, Rowling says, 'additional information I’ve been hoarding for years.'" (Entertainment Weekly) This seems pretty exciting and fairly impressive that JK Rowling managed to somehow withhold the e-publishing rights to her books until now. You can go to the Pottermore site to try to submit your email to try to be one of the lucky ones to beta test the site at the end of July. I say "try" because I have been trying all day but it's constantly jammed.
What does this have to do with eating all the baked Cheetos? I'll be real with you: I straight-up shed a few tears when I watched this, which is the stupidest thing of all time. Am I really that excited about the significance of holly vs. birch for wands? I don't think I am. The paper animation is very beautiful but during any other week of the month, I'm pretty sure I would have just said "Neat!" without any moisture leaking from my eyes. See for yourself below.
Wait. Oh my god. Is JK Rowling wearing leggings as pants!? EW!