Monday, February 6, 2017

SAG Awards 2017 Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

My dear readers, we are winding down the SAGs just in time for this weekend's Grammys and then before you know it we're at the Oscars. Whew! I love the high holy days! Here's your usual reminder that WTF is not only outlandishly bad, but also outlandishly good and (my favorite) outlandishly bizarre. Let's start strong, shall we?

THE WTF

Thandie Newton!
Birds are back, this time accompanied by fancy horses and a carousel all on the world's heaviest dress. There is something about this that is amazingly fabulous but also something about this that is amazingly "blanket that lives in the back of your Jeep."

Annalise Basso!
It's a fairly standard dress until her sleeves take to the air! Was she allowed to bring two dates so she could make this happen? Seems like it would be an awkward ask. "Look, I want you to go to the SAGs with me but you can't be in any pictures with me because I need you to be my wind machine. Cool?"

Natalie Portman!
She is really committing to a 60s-inspired red carpet this awards season. For the SAGs, she was apparently inspired by crown roast with paper frills.

Laurence Fishburne!
I am not sure if this is cultural appropriation but I am sure that I am delighted by the red lining reveal.

Taryn Manning!
That's either an oddly-placed bustle or she's one half of a horse costume. As for the rest of it, I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.

Naomie Harris!
I'm not sure there is a harder outfit to pull off than a high-waisted, pinstriped, satin jumpsuit with too-long pants. I've especially not sure why one would try. 

Sophie Turner!
I assume she's giving us options, so I choose the dress on the right. 

Nicole Kidman!
Why put a bird on a dress when you could be the bird? I'm tempted to think that the parrots on her shoulders are like the angel and the devil, advising her to make decisions through the night but LOOK AT THOSE THINGS. They are both evil birds telling her to corroborate every story Leah Remini has ever told about Tom Cruise. Listen to your shoulders, Nicole! We love gossip!

Taraji P. Henson!
WHY ARE THERE TWO LITTLE BOWS FLOATING ON THIS AMAZING DRESS!? This is the Cinderella version of the Lil Kim star pastie situation at the 1999 VMAs and I am here for it. But those bows? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Emma Stone!
Oh dear, how embarrassing. Half of poor Emma's dress ripped off in the limo and her slip is showing. Haha just kidding SHE ACTUALLY CHOSE TO WEAR THIS DRESS IN FRONT OF PEOPLE WHERE THERE WOULD BE CAMERAS WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HER EMMA BLINK TWICE IF YOU NEED HELP BECAUSE GIRL, THIS? This is a full Patton.


Friday, February 3, 2017

SAG Awards 2017 Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

Welp, here we go. I'll to organize this so they get progressively worse but keep in mind, none of them are good.

THE BAD

Uzo Aduba!
This isn't that bad, it's just matronly and stumpifying. I would love to see her in something gauzy and ethereal sometime. 

Brie Larson!
Her right boob is going rogue.

Meryl Streep!
In one of the most surprising fashion twists of the night, a whole bunch of women wore dresses with birds on them. Personally, I am deeply afraid of birds, and putting them on a long-sleeved muumuu certainly isn't helping me like them better.

Gina Rodriguez!
Here are some more birds, this time stuck on an unflattering flesh-colored dress. Birds are not helping! At this time we will suspend our bird coverage until the WTF. (Thank god.)

Kathryn Hahn!
Someone do something. Kathryn Hahn is out here on this red carpet screaming for help. Someone grab a carabiner, hook onto her dress, and belay this woman to safety.

Rashida Jones!
I am concerned that this is not the only sash and twee little bow we've seen strolling down these major award show red carpets. (Emma Stone is bound to show up in a dress made of just one gigantic bow, like La Kidman in 2007.) In other news, maybe let's not wear turtleneck gowns - ESPECIALLY not with our hair down. There's a big ol traffic jam just under her chin. 

Kerry Washington!
Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Emily Blunt (seen here with John Krasinski)!
Honestly, my first thought was that Emily Blunt had gotten a massive tattoo. My second thought was more like ugh god why would anyone choose to wear such an uncomplimentary dress? 

Danielle Brooks!
Right away let me say her head looks outstanding - absolutely flawless makeup. Now onto the rest... oy. I get what she was going for but everything is just a bit off. The pants are far too long and I think a more tapered fit would have given this look more polish. I would also love to see this with the peplum extended to dress-length - I think she could even have a shorter dress and keep that train. Lastly, the detail on the fabric makes this turtleneck deeply reminiscent of a cable knit sweater. You deserve so much better than this, Danielle. 

 Kate Hudson!
Trashbag bodystocking bike shorts ode to oil spills, censorship, and also flowers. 

Julie Bowen!
It looks like she's wearing an upside down basket on her hips and all the contents are spilling out over her crotch. And that's the nicest thing I have to say about this dress.

Amy Landecker!
Oh my god, no. Listen, this has happened to me more times than I'd like to admit: you wear something thinking it's "edgy" or "fresh" but it's actually just "ugly" and the jacket is "slightly too short to be flattering."

Janelle Monae!
Excellent, we get to see our point in action: Janelle is wearing a turtleneck gown but has her hair up so her neck doesn't look as congested as Rashida's did. Unfortunately, there are hundreds of other problems with this dress and they are all bunched up on her wrists, around her neck, and across her torso. What has happened here? Someone made a beautiful, interesting dress and then said, "You know what we need? About a thousand fabric flower petals all smooshed together. And a pearl belt. Always a pearl belt."

Taylor Schilling!
Hideous and unholy. Honestly, what happened to these OITNB gals?

Kaley Cuoco!
I took Kaley Cuoco off Probation for just a moment so you could see this monstrosity. It's like mermaid hair, mixed with dusty dream cobwebs, but also throwing your own flower petals walking down the aisle, but also sexy negligee and some random straps and bows instead of a necklace. Okay, thanks Kaley, back to Probation for you.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

SAG Awards 2017 Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh!

There are so many entries in the Meh pile that came very close to being included in the Good - honestly, we had more Good than Meh this time around. It's giving me some optimism for the Oscars. (Remind me of that when we see eight different tea-length gowns in the same color.)

THE MEH

Mahershala Ali!
This is literal inches away from being amazing. I want those pants a quarter-to-half-an-inch longer and I want the bowtie just a bit bigger and I want the sleeves on his coat to be tailored more attentively. You know what else I want? I want to go watch Moonlight again because I saw it on Monday and it broke my heart and made me feel human in ways I didn't know I had in me. I want him to win the Oscar and I want him to do in a perfect tux.

Amy Adams!
Here's something fun: Amy Adams has accepted that she will not be winning any awards this year and is dressing appropriately for these awards shows. That is to say, nothing too floofy or over-the-top, just beautiful and kind of boring. Here's something extra fun: her jewelry appears to be growing koosh balls.

Viola Davis!
I like this dress as an idea but I dislike the fabric and I don't trust the fit. She looks about three minutes away from going Tits Ahoy. THAT SAID - 10000% yes on this necklace!

Judith Light!
What's happening with Judith Light? Why is she wearing the sartorial equivalent of the decor of a restaurant that specializes in "new american cuisine"? Why would she want me to be reminded of "deconstructed salads" that are basically five leaves of lettuce spread out on a plate with half a cherry tomato? Will somebody please give our Judith the name of Ellie Kemper's stylist? 

Salma Hayek!
I'll give her this: it fits her like a glove, the colors are great, and only the top third of it is explicitly labial. 

Hugh Grant (seen here with Anna Eberstein)!
Hard not to comment on Anna's tribute to glazier points, but we're really here to yell at Hugh Grant to get his pants hemmed, rein in the bowtie size, and figure out either a vest or a cummerbund of some sort. At the very least button that top button. Get it together, man. 

Kirsten Dunst!
Awww KiKi is trying on wedding dresses on the red carpet! This is not actually a dress, though, it is just an elaborate slip with the exact wrong necklace. I know, I know, there's no pleasing me.

Amanda Peet!
I mean, it's not awful but it's also not good. It feels extremely 1991 - is that just me?  Is it the hair? the bow neckline? The OMG-MOM-I-CAN'T-BELIEVE-YOU-WASHED-MY-DRESS-WITH-THE-FUZZY-BLANKET-LOOK-AT-ALL-THIS-LINT sleeves?

Chrissy and John!
First of all, I love them. They are major #relationshipgoals for me. Secondly, I was given her cookbook, Cravings, for Christmas and everything I cook from it is delicious. Thirdly, he needs to wear a tie. Fourthly, her plunge is too deep paired with the high slit. I think honestly if we lost just 2 inches of plunge, this would be a favorite for me. Killer shoes. 

Nathalie Emmanuel!
If you're going to wear a story tapestry to an awards show, definitely make sure it is fully beaded and has sleeves you can button or unbutton as your whim decides.

Jesse Tyler Ferguson!
I see what he's going for but it's just not working. Cream is not your color, Jesty.

Winona Ryder!
Let us all thank Winona Ryder for giving us one of the great gif sets of our modern age. Way to pull focus, lady! Now, down to business. Her head is perfection. The dress is ... somewhat troubling. What is this length? Why is it lace? Are those little booties she is wearing with it? Why is she wearing the same number of necklaces and rings? The mind boggles. 

Denzel Washington (seen here with Pauletta Washington)!
You know I try not to comment on regular people but I have to say that Pauletta looks outstanding - loving this shawl. Now, Denzel. Den. Zel. Please please please do something about the length of your pants before the Oscars because I do not want to have this discussion again. It's embarrassing. Also, potentially explore different knot options for your tie, though that's less upsetting.

Laura Carmichael!
This is one of the most depressing dresses I've ever seen. It's the unholy union of an 8th grade dinner dance dress with a pillow someone's grandmother lovingly needlepointed. And it could use a necklace.

Maisie Williams!
Courtney Love 1995 Vanity Fair Oscars Party DIVIDED BY Courtney Love 1997 Oscars red carpet PLUS Nancy from The Craft makeup PLUS Liz Taylor hair EQUALS this.

Tracee Ellis Ross!
It's not terrible but it is strangely unflattering. You deserve better, Tracee!

Mayim Bialik!
Every time I look at this I feel like I'm holding my breath. Which is a shame because if the fit in the chest wasn't so tight, I would love this. I would also like to recommend the makeup strong points reverse and we give her a simple eye with a bold lip. It's a better look for our Blossom.

Monday, January 30, 2017

SAG Awards 2017 Red Carpet Rundown: The Good!

My dear readers, I must start by confessing that with all of the scary and disturbing things that are happening right now in America it feels mighty frivolous to write about what celebrities wore to an awards show. I feel I should rather be urging you to call your representatives or donate money to a worthy cause. Honestly, it was a little hard to find the motivation to even collate the photos from last night's red carpet. But then I thought about how much I have appreciated little breaks from the constant barrage of badness such as Eric Reads the News or absolutely stupid Buzzfeed quizzes (I should be a "wicked travel guide," by the way) and I decided that maybe it's okay to have a little time in our days to celebrate/skewer expensive outfits worn by famous people. We here at Way Too Shay are against racism, xenophobia, and strapless dresses with bare clavicles. 

THE GOOD

Yara Shahidi!
Let's start with some Dr. Seuss realness. This red carpet saw a lot of pattern, a lot of stripes, a ton of pants, and a vague end-of-disco feel and I am HERE FOR IT. This here is a lot of look and she is executing it flawlessly. 

Dev Patel!
Speaking of flawless.... jeez. I don't have a single thing to say other than hands out of pockets when being photographed, please. 

Sofia Vergara!
THIS! This is what I've been looking for from her! It's a completely different silhouette and it looks phenomenal. Could it use a necklace? Yep. Could Use A Necklace. But! I am just so delighted to see her in something that is not a skintight metallic, I could just jump through the computer and hug her.

Gwendoline Christie!
Slay! This is pure Liza at the club giving perfectly casual ferocity. 

Ryan Gosling!
Perfect to the point of boredom.

Josiah Bell and Jurnee Smollett-Bell!
Absolutely killing it. Jurnee CUAN or at least a very large bracelet but that's a minor quibble.

Angela Sarafyan!
I am so in love with the construction of this dress with the dramatic cinch and exaggerated hips. It's unlike anything else you'll see on this red carpet. Alas, I believe this dress is wearing this woman but honestly I would let that dress wear me any day.

Ellie Kemper!
Ellie Kemper continues to have one of the best stylists in town. It's simple, it's elegant, and she looks great.

Samira Wiley!
I am not actually sure if I like this but it does look fabulous on her. It's definitely a new look for Samira and it's one of my favorite interpretations of this length. Also, I'm just so excited to see Samira and her new hair. I guess that's one good thing about The Thing That Happened on OITNB Which I Still Have Trouble Discussing - she can play with different hair styles now! 

Rami Malek!
There is no way this should work as well as it does. Then again, it's Rami Malek and he is unstoppable on the red carpet, so I shouldn't be surprised.

Octavia Spencer!
Gorgeous, love the neckline oh so much. I wish for a different bag, perhaps something to compliment her earrings.

Bryce Dallas Howard!
No comments or suggestions, this is elegant and stunning.

Common!
I'd love to see a little more shirt cuff but I think it might just be the way he's posing. Tux-wearers of the world: print this out and put it next to your mirror for inspiration. 

Michelle Dockery!
This is fabulous - the fit is flawless and the styling is exactly right. Her makeup artist chose the perfect lip color for this look - that could have gone horribly wrong. I was not into this dress when I first saw it but it has really grown on me. I think I might like a thin black sash at the waist, but I can also be happy with it as is.

Sarah Paulson and Marcia Clarke!
Pretty great, all around. Marcia's dress is a little Mother of the Bride but I'm not mad at it. Both of their heads look perfect. Well done, ladies.

Ashton Sanders!
Fantastic, I'm into it. 

Shannon Purser!
I'm feeling this 1950s glamour with all that Pigpen dust cloud tulle. Love it.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus!
Color me surprised to see JLD in yet another column dress. This one at least has an interesting pattern, paired with the perfect necklace. I'd do anything to see JLD with a side part, though.

Riz Ahmed!
In my dream world, Dev Patel and Riz Ahmed go shopping for skinny suits and tuxes together. In said dream world, I would be the shop assistant who got to compliment them over and over for how great they look. 

Michelle Williams and Busy Philipps!
No but actually yes, right? Busy has the better dress but together they are the sequined cool girls of the red carpet. Michelle's even making that dumb piece of fabric around her neck work... almost!

Lily Tomlin!
Sure, it's a little casual but it fits great and her accessories are spot-on. Besides, it's refreshing to see flats on the red carpet.

Anthony Anderson (seen here with Alvina Stewart)!
He looks fantastic. Love the attention paid to shoe-lapel match detail.

Kimiko Glenn!
Dainty and sexy - red is a fabulous color on her. 

Courtney B. Vance!
CBV makes perfection look effortless. I love the tie size, especially in relation to lapel size. Expertly done.

Alia Shawkat!
I love the construction on this dress, I love the shoes with it, and my only wish would be for a necklace. But then, you knew that, didn't you?

Filliam H. Muffman!
As usual, they are stunning and everything is pretty much perfect with their looks. I'm honestly a little bit bored by this consistency but I am DELIGHTED by this prom pose.