Friday, May 11, 2018

Met Gala 2018 Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

My dear readers, we have arrived at my favorite Way Too Shay entry of every year. As always, I must remind you that WTF is not necessarily bad; indeed we have so many good WTF entries today. Let's dig in to this delicious pile.

THE WTF

Janelle Monae!
She is giving you her signature black and white (I think the only time she deviated was the 2014 Met Gala with that faaaaaaaabulous red coat) but this time with a sparkling headscarf and actual halo. It's crazy, it's classic, it's giving me life.

Diane Kruger!
Aside from that fact that it Could Use A Necklace, this is an interestingly shaped mini dress. Kind of boring for Diane, right? BUT WAIT! There's more....
Look at this insane train! Insane in the brain! I'm going off the rails on this crazy train! Other songs about insanity and trains!

Cassie (seen here with Diddy)!
This is proof that Cassie can pull off any look. Even if that look is That Dude at the Oscars in the shrunken tux paired with couture moon shoes. 

Sofia Coppola!
Now this would be a bad WTF. This looks like paper dolls made of bags. Touch the fashion, change your life. 

Jaden Smith!
Why are there props?!

Mindy Kaling!
Not the most gigantic crown of the night, alas, but loving the hyper virginal white gown. Mindy Kaling was like, Catholic Imagination huh? GOT IT.

Cara Delevingne!
Cara Delevingne came to Met Gala dressed as the confession booth separator screen!!!!!!!

Nick Cave and Susie Bick!
Everything seems to be in order here.

Pharrell Williams and Helen Lasichanh!
Pharrell: Helen, what are you going to wear to the Met Gala this year?
Helen: I was thinking of doing something seasonally inappropriate like maybe a big sweater with a wool coat. How about you?
Pharrell: I was gonna throw on as many gigantic cross necklaces as we have in the house.
Helen: Oh good idea. I'll wear a rosary.

SZA!
I love her headpiece so much! Every time I look at this dress I imagine her going through a doorway and the outermost layers being accidentally shaved off when the full skirt couldn't fit through. I guess I'm imagining a doorway made of knives? Seems dangerous. 

Katy Perry!
I am convinced that no one has an easy time peeing at the Met Gala.

Greta Gerwig!

Oh Sister James! I have doubts

Tracee Ellis Ross!
Tracee Ellis Ross literally showed up as her own mother!!!!!!!!!!! 

Lana Del Rey and Jared Leto!
While there is no such thing as "too much" at the Met Gala, this is as close to too much as you can get.

Sarah Jessica Parker (seen here with Andy Cohen)!
Perhaps you think that SJP wearing a full nativity scene on her head is also very close to too much but you are wrong. That aggressive blue eyeshadow is what is close to too much here.

Frances McDormand!
Here she is boys! Here she is world! Here's FRAN! 
She is the queen of not giving a shit what you think! This is outstanding and I would put this right at the top of the Tonga Scale.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Met Gala 2018 Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

When I tell you that Claire Danes showed up in one of the ugliest dresses I have ever seen... well, you know we're ready to dive into the real show here. 

THE BAD

Letitia Wright!
Oh Shuri nooooo.  The fit is off and the gown itself is deeply perplexing. I don't want to go full Tiffany on this but Letitia Wright is everyone's #1 fave right now and I want better for her than two waistlines and a sheer turtleneck.

Kendall Jenner!
Pant legs should not have individual trains. 
(Hat tip to Reader Kelley for pointing out the trains. I had previously been concerned about the glove-sleeves.)

Amanda Seyfried!
She's giving you mustard, she's giving you random dance recital sleeve, she's giving you Juliet Capulet fresh out of grad school.

Jennifer Connelly (seen here with Paul Bettany)!
I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it. 

Shailene Woodley!
Shailene Woodley IS Pauley Perrette AS the Tin Man IN Mod Oz: Emerald City 1965.

Daniel Kaluuya!
I really tried to not put him in the Bad Pile but the pants are a skosh too short, the tie is too small, and I am not feeling this baby blue on him. 

Uma Thurman!
The fabric looks cheap, the necklace is a miss, and the hair is straight up mid-90s fifth grade I Forgot It Was Picture Day.

Ruby Rose!
Oh girl. Oh no. Oh no no no.

Kate Upton!
When bad dresses happen to beautiful earrings.

Laura Harrier!
She looks beautiful and I am in love with those shoes but my question is: to which event did Laura Harrier think she was going?

Claire Danes!
WHAT AM I LOOKING AT.

Laura Dern!
Is it a dress? Is it a coat? I think it's a coat. This is a variation on the Giant Cross Across My Boobs but maybe it's an ankh? (Ankh-Ankh) Listen, this isn't horrible but that necklace truly does not work and while it was a Monday I think this look needs more than weekday hair. The look is all over the place.

Yara Shahidi!
I'd like to formally welcome Yara Shahidi to the party since she is no longer a child and can therefore be put in categories other than the Good Pile. Welcome! Now that we're through the pleasantries, do you remember how in Pretty in Pink Molly Ringwald takes apart two perfectly fine dresses and puts them together to make one terrible dress? Welp. It's half-sexy-prom-gown and half-Oklahoma-dream-ballet. The fascinator has nothing to do with the rest of the outfit, that little flower is distracting, and I'm just not sure the shoes match. You deserve better, Yara!

Hailee Steinfeld!
Another fairly recent addition and another yikes. I know I am always calling for a necklace but a necklace and a choker and a crown and unbrushed hair is a bit overwhelming. Also the platform shoes with dark lips and a prom dress is giving me some very Miss World vibes - not in a good way. Furthermore, Kate Upton's dress does not get better when seen from the back. This whole picture is giving me a headache.

Amal and George Clooney!
While I am impressed that the train was made of tin foil (HOW), I am just not feeling this look at all. It seems so casual - it's a tube top, satin pants, and a big train. I do not know what happened with George but that tux is too big on him and it makes him look like a commoner. (For the record, I love the red dress she changed into as detailed in the linked article but we're not featuring it because she didn't wear it on the carpet.)

Kylie Jenner (seen here with Travis Scott)!
When I was a kid, I thought x-ray vision meant you would see people's bras and underwear and I thought that would be cool. I WAS WRONG.

Darren Criss!
That's a lot of look, Darren! Also is it just me or do you think the figures on his jacket are reminiscent of Ecce Homo???

Selena Gomez!
When sexy nightgowns meet beachwear meet bridal couture. 

Anne Hathaway!
I mean, first of all let's acknowledge Ruby Rose doing THE MOST in the background. Okay, now on to Annie. I cannot begin to wrap my head around this. I mean I understand not wanting to wear a bra or spanx, but the aggressive stick situation in her hair is beyond me. This dress is absolutely swallowing her whole and you know what? On a scale of 1 - Patton, I'm gonna go ahead and give this look a Full Patton.

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Met Gala 2018 Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh!

Oh so much to cover today, my dear readers. This time it is the almost-greats and the pretty-but-borings. 

THE MEH

Kerry Washington!
As longtime readers know, Kerry Washington and I are not drawn to the same things sartorially speaking. That said, I saw this from the back at first and it is breathtaking.
This photo was sorted into the Good Pile because the hair, the cutout, the color, the hairpiece... it's all so great. I was so disappointed when I saw it from the front because it just doesn't have the same drama.

Gabrielle Union!
This is wonderful for the Oscars.

Idris Elba (seen here with Sabrina Dhowre)!
This is great for the Golden Globes.

Salma Hayek!
This is fantastic for the Independent Spirit Awards.

Rooney Mara!
Reader Kate said this dress was what she thought of when she read the statement "she looks how Catholicism feels." And I totally agree. This pinned down silhouette was popular this year. Rooney did it in blue bathroom wallpaper.

Naomi Watts!
Naomi Watts did it in gold living room wall paper.

Alicia Vikander!
And Tomb Raider 2.0 did it in black tie camo. 

Jennifer Lopez!
I felt that a lot of the Giant Cross Across My Boobs looks were a little boring, honestly. I'm a little concerned because it looks almost like she's been caught in place by some hardened lava, but surely if anyone can figure a way out of that situation it's JLo.

Madonna!
Another Giant Cross Across My Boobs look here. For someone who made her fame on shocking Catholics, I expected something a little more than a rehearsal skirt and a crown. That said, it's not a weak look it's simply that I expected more from the entire reason I was not allowed to watch MTV until I was 14.

Evan Rachel Wood!
This cloak is very cool but her pants are very long.

Michelle Williams!
Cool dress but wrong party, wrong bag.

Issa Rae!
A flawless fit on a gorgeous gown and good styling. Alas, comparatively it's understated and I hoped for more.

Nicki Minaj!
Then again be careful what you wish for because this is definitely "more" but also slightly too much! I love this headpiece framing her face so beautifully but she is so tiny and the decolletage is pushed so high it stumpifies her and makes her look like she's lost her neck. It's jarring to see this long, dramatic train and then no neck. I think I would have re-thought how the headpiece was worn and maybe have it drape down her hair instead of framing the face.

Emma Stone!
She just sort of looks like she's melting, doesn't she? 

Bella Hadid!
 Bella Hadid could not decide which material she wanted to wear so she just wore them all at the same time, continuity be damned!

Winnie Harlow!
From the clavicles up, this is pure perfection. This was my favorite headpiece of the night and that is what I mean when I talk about a necklace. From the clavicles down, unfortunately, it's a prom dress and a kind of boring one at that.

Scarlett Johansson!
This is so beautiful but like Issa Rae's look it was comparatively understated and I hoped for more.

Ruth Negga!
Snoozefest.

Tessa Thompson!
For me, it's a victim of styling. The dress is an interesting shape and fits well and the jacket is a beautiful touch. The priest collar choker isn't working with the look, it's working against it and I am not enjoying the makeup. I think maybe a different lip and keeping the white eyeliner to only the bottom lash line would turn it around for me. All in all, a decent showing! 

Juliette Binoche!
Aside from the dreaded cold shoulder, she looks almost exactly like the statue of the Virgin Mary I had on my shelves for my entire childhood. Too bad this color makes her look like she got over the flu 2 hours ago.

Mary J. Blige!
Gigantic Boots Part 1! I love that MJB is sticking with this neckline - it's a good one for her. I think this look would have been in the Good Pile if the slit started about 2 inches further down.

Donatella Versace!
Gigantic Boots Part 2! I think this is a cool look? But maybe it's not? It might actually just be an embellished sweater dress with a big ole skirt over it? And I might be into it? On a score of 1- Donatella, this is pretty good. As you can see I am very torn and that's why it is in the Meh Pile. 

Tiffany Haddish!
The pants are a skosh too long, as was Tiffany's nap because she cleary woke up half an hour before she had to be on the carpet and did not have time to put on makeup or nails.

Zoe Kravitz!
This is provocative, sexy, and one accidental snag away from naked city. This look is difficult to pull off and while I do think it's a little "extra" she's making it work.

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen!
Mary Kate looks like a disaster held together with fridge magnets and Ashley looks like a bohemian angel so averaging the two caftans I come up with a median score of Meh.

Donald Glover!
It fits great, I love the color of the suit on him, and the back was really cool (as seen in yesterday's Ariana Grande photo).
But I super duper hate that white bowtie.

Brooke Shields!
Tell me something I don't know, Brooke Shields.

Olivia Munn!
I mean, I get it. I just don't think it's all that special. The sheer panel in the front cheapens the look, just makes it look less expensive when expensive is kind of what this event is going for. (Also, yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes girl.)

Lena Dunham!
Sure.

Kate Bosworth!
Virgin Cinderella wedding fantasy.

Amber Heard!
The dress fits like a dream, the headpiece is very cool, but her makeup and hair are all wrong. I don't understand why anyone would look at this outfit and choose this lipstick.

Bee Shaffer and Anna Wintour!
This necklace and that bag are the closest these two have been to dressing in theme in years so I'll give them some points for it. Otherwise, it's just okay.

Rita Ora!
Thanks to Reader Colin I started listening to the brilliant podcast Who? Weekly and thanks to Who? Weekly I've come to love the #1 Who, Rita Ora. She has impressed me in the past at the Met Gala but unfortunately this year but only just okay. The headpiece is great, the Lisa Frank Goes to a Funeral print is fun, but there's just not a lot of there there.