Friday, June 14, 2019

2019 Tony Awards Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

Welcome back, my dear readers. What a wild ride it's been! Today we will close out our WTS Tony Awards coverage with an all-suits WTF pile. Let's dive right into the uterine depths of fashion!


Billy Porter (with Adam Smith)!
Officially recognized national treasure Billy Porter came to party in a suit with a train in the shape of a uterus. Not only that but the material is from curtains used in the Broadway production of Kinky Boots  - you know, the one that Billy Porter got the Tony for. If you'd love to see this up close and personal someday, I have it on good authority the "entire lewk" will be donated to the Theatre Development Fund's costume collection. 

Michael Shannon (with Kate Arrington)!
This is bananas and I think I might sort of love it? I mean I definitely hate it but maybe it doubles back into love? Who knows. 

Aaron Tveit!
How many coats is too many coats? Asking for a friend.

Daniel Fish!
This is some 1980s-era Richard Belzer cosplay.

Brandon Uranowitz!

Reeve Carney!
Designer: Gold pants?
Reeve Carney: More.
Designer: Cravat?
Reeve Carney: More.
Designer: Top hat made of feathers?
Reeve Carney: More.
Designer: Comically large lapels?
Reeve Carney: More.
Designer: Rip the sleeves off the jacket?
Reeve Carney: Perfect.

Hamish Bowles!
May the lord bless and keep you, Hamish Bowles. 

Michael Urie!
Why do I feel like this outfit was put together by way of MadLibs? 

Kelli O'Hara (with Greg Naughton)!
While it is not technically a suit, it is definitely a jumpsuit. A jumpsuit with fully sheer lace pants. I would say it's also a footectomy except I can see her feet THROUGH THE PANTS. But she was not the only one in sheer pants....

Ephraim Sykes!
I. Just. Can't. This broke me.

Thursday, June 13, 2019

2019 Tony Awards Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

My dear readers, we may have thought we had escaped the scourge of sheer overlay but it's back back back again.


Karen Olivo!
What if there was a sexy tux but the jacket was also an old school grandma in a perpetual state of mourning?

Sara Bareilles (with Joe Tippett)!
I just don't understand this dress. It's completely sheer but also mostly velvet somehow. The length is somewhat awkward and the bust is a bit roomy. Add to that the flat hair and the CUAN of it all and this is just a mess. 

Vanessa Hudgens!
It's a little MTV Movie Awards for the Tonys, no? Also what in the name of house arrest are those shoes?

Erich Bergen!
So we're gonna pipe everything except the pockets? If you're going to outline a suit, why half-ass it? By the way, even if the pockets were lined I would still hate this.

Benjamin Walker!
You tried, I guess.

Rachel Chavkin (with Jake Heinrichs)!
I'm so excited that she won! If you have not yet done so, please watch her speech. I loved it. I do not, however, love what is happening here. The sheer overlay that doesn't quite hit the floor, the halter neckline, the eye shadow shade... it's all quite challenging. 

David Henry Hwang (with Kathryn Layng)!
That suit is a full size and a half too large. 

Kristin Chenoweth!

Sarah Stiles!
I truly wonder what this would look like without the pink tulle and with a more delicate collar. I'll bet it would not be half bad! 

Jeremy Pope!

Anaïs Mitchell (with Noah Hahn)!
The call is coming from inside the dress! Get out of there!

Amber Gray (with Gaylen Hamilton)!
This is the spiritual cousin of that Onion article about manditory unisex uniforms on the red carpet. TBH, she looks cool as hell but I either hate the tunic or the shoes but probably both?

Marisa Tomei!
Extremely high end bathing suit/beach coverup combo.

James Corden (with Julia Carey)!
Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Laura Osnes (with Nathan Johnson)!
Her dress is vomiting in a very Barbie-specific way.

Lucy Liu!
Wow I hate this dress. I hate that the tiers don't overlap because it makes the skirt end fairly harshly three times. I don't think that jade is the right accessory color. And I deeply despise the sad little tulle bra over the bust. Lucy, if this is a cry for help I am hearing you loud and clear.

Danai Gurira!
This is extraordinarily literal! It is also quite matronly! I don't understand what I am seeing!

Julie White!
Wow. Ok, I need a moment. 

While I compose myself let me tell you that I saw Julie White in Gary last week and she was terrific. I disliked the show, but I loved her performance. It was truly a gift to watch her act. 

I think I have composed myself enough to give a critique now. Ah, yes, I know what this is. It's a Full Patton.

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

2019 Tony Awards Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh!

We have an absolutely extraordinary amount of suits that ALMOST fit correctly and a great many shoes that make no sense. Let's get into it!


Lilli Cooper!
Her head looks outstanding - that braid is everything! - and the color and general shape of the gown is good but the construction is killing me. Somehow the way the fabric is draped and worked makes the dress look bulky and somewhat ill-fitting. I want better for her. 

Tina Fey!
I luh-ove this look so much but oh how I wish the shoes were navy and the tie clip was ruby.

Adam Driver (with Joanne Tucker)!
That jacket is a skosh too big and that tie is a bunch too small.

Andrew Rannells!
Not to be totally Victorian but the ankles are scandalizing me. 

Tarell Alvin McCraney and Nicholas L. Ashe!
I truly like 95% of both of these looks. That suit color is gooooooorgeous on TAM and this is an instance where I will let the shoes slide but the bow tie doesn't work with the rest of the look. For Nicholas, I would change out those shoes for a light brown leather slide. I am really into the rest of what's going on.

Ruth Wilson!
Petrificus Totalus but make it fashion.

Eva Noblezada!
Oh I really love this but the fit on the top is too roomy and it could use a necklace. 

Santino Fontana (with Jessica Hershberg)!
Excellent fit on the pants, but the jacket is maybe a hair too big, the bow tie is too small, and I just don't think the black on black on black is working for him. Also, in non-sartorial opinions, I love Santino Fontana and I am always happy to hear him sing and I'm pleased he got an award but Tootsie looks like absolute trash. Why/how did that get made?

Benjamin Tyler Cook!
The whole thing is a bit snug and that is definitely not his color.

Michael James Scott!

Laura Linney!
The way the dress is cut makes her arm look fake. 

Francesca Carpanini!
I'm not sure you'll be able to pick it up in this high quality photo I certainly did not at all steal from another site, but the detail on the bust truly makes it look like origami and with one wrong move the whole top will unexpectedly open or perhaps take flight. Pretty material, confusing design, underwhelming styling.

Sutton Foster!

Ryan Murphy (with David Miller)!
I don't hate the jacket but I think the look would benefit from a cummerbund. To be very clear, I also do not love the jacket.

James Harkness!
The pants are too long and that is the exact wrong bow tie. Dig this pattern, though.

Sienna Miller!
Wow what a belt. 

Brian Stokes Mitchell (with Allyson Tucker)!
I love BSM and it was a pleasure just to hear him speak on the Tony Awards. In fact, just hearing him speak made me pull up "Make Them Hear You" on the next commercial break. What an incredible voice, oh my god. Anyway this suit is too big on him. 

Bryan Cranston (with Robin Dearden)!
Love this tux, wish the shoes were dark grey. 

Jane Krakowski!
Okay but I'm kind of bored.

Celia Kennan-Bolger!
Now I'm really bored. 

Janet McTeer (with Joseph Coleman)!
Oh my god I love the feathers so much! I just wish the dress fit her torso and wasn't so very long on her.

Damon Daunno (with his wife, I suppose, but the internet is not revealing her name)!
That, sir, is not your tux.

Kerry Butler!
Choices were made. One of them involved a bag that is a bus. Another involved a guest room bedspread. 

Samira Wiley!
Great color, great hair and makeup story, wrong shoes, and one of the strangest fits I've seen on a gown. Somehow it looks like paper dolls on her.

Bee Shaffer and Anna Wintour!
I don't totally hate Anna's dress but Bee's is not terribly flattering. And the bag is a little on the nose, babe. 

Jim Parsons (with Todd Spiewak)!
They are just so cute that I almost overlooked the fact that Jim's tux is too small on him. 

Laura Jellinek (with wife Sara whose last name I can't find on the internet I am really having a hard time with spouses today)!
I love this suit but you know how I feel about sneakers on the red carpet. I know I gave TAM as pass but I'm sorry, Laura, I cannot do the same here. 

Laura Benanti!
Now if she had simply come dressed as the AIDS ribbon, she would have been in the Good pile. Alas, she came dressed as the AIDS ribbon with surprise pants and it's just not working with those shoes. All that said, Laura Benanti is an absolute queen and a national treasure and may we never forget that.