Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Emmys 2016 Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

Though they be but few, they are mighty.


Kerry Washington!
I am simultaneously confused and delighted by this. She looks pretty fabulous when you consider the fact that she's wearing a confounding garment. Cape? Check. Pregnancy Peek-a-Boo? Check. Sleepy Muppet Eyes Neckline? Double check. 

Amy Poehler!
Oh dear lord, she's been overtaken by lichen. Send for a tree doctor.

Claire Danes!
I, too, have had my struggles with self-tanner, so I am feeling for Claire. Did she think she had to do it because the dress and the hair are so gold? Does she think it's working? Better question: do we know for sure that Claire Danes is not making a movie inspired by Tan Mom? 

Carol Kane!
The dream of the 90s is alive in Carol Kane's wardrobe.

Sarah Hyland!
This is not a dress it's a table runner and pants.

Anna Chlumsky!
HOW IS THIS REAL?! I AM SO SO SO THRILLED THAT THIS IS REAL BUT HOW IS THIS REAL!?!?!?! This might be the best/worth dress I have ever seen. This out-Pattons the Patton Scale.

Monday, October 3, 2016

Emmys 2016 Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

My dear readers, I wish you a very happy new year if you are celebrating Rosh Hashanah today! May your year be very sweet, unlike most of the following fashions.


Amanda Peet!
Why is she wearing a giant, hideous, sequined (sequenced) capital M? Beyond the fact that it doesn't match, is this a cry for help? Is she trying to give us a message? If so, my only guess is that the message is "My stylist hates Me."

Kathryn Hahn!
I was unaware Hot Topic sold formal wear.

Hannah Murray!
It looks like she's being slowly drowned by haunted lace. And then, quite separate from the spooky killer lace, there's a string of Broadway marquee lights around her waist. None of it makes any sense and all of it is unflattering.

Neve Campbell!
The construction of this dress makes it look like Neve Campbell is two kids standing on top of each other, except it's an evening gown instead of a trench coat. I'm actually amazed by how boxy this dress makes her look. You deserve better Neve Campbell Two Kids Who Make Up Neve Campbell!

Priyanka Chopra!
I wanted so badly to include this with the Good because so much is right with this look but every time I look at that peek-a-boo rib action I cringe. Not only because is it reminiscent of tying back drapes but moreso because it makes her boobs look uneven and cuts her torso into too many pieces visually. So close and yet so far.

Melora Hardin!
Oh good lord, girl, who told you this fit you? I will find them and I will give them a talking-to! Quite beyond the fact that it looks uncomfortable, what is it doing to your poor breasts?! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO BOOBS AT THE EMMYS THIS YEAR!?!?!?!

America Ferrera!
Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Minnie Driver!
First, props where they are due: those shoes are the second true nude illusion of the evening and they are confusing the hell out of me - brava. Now onto... the rest of this. She kind of looks like a paper doll with the dress just sort of glued onto her front. The major problem I have is the length; because she is so tall and this cuts off at an awkward position just above the ankle, it gives the impression that she simply ran out of dress. The fit on the actual dress is fine but this silhouette does not flatter her, nor does the color. I'd like to see a different lip color here and much larger earrings.

Mamie Gummer!
Since we are talking about shoes, we have to talk about these. TWO OF HER TOES ARE OUTSIDE OF THE SHOE. Since this is happening on both feet I am hard-pressed to tell you whether this is because the shoes didn't exactly fit or whether this is A Choice. As for the rest of it, I don't think it's a great fit nor do I think it's a very good dress. At any rate, it could use a necklace.

Tracee Ellis Ross!
This is not her dress. I think if it did not have a cutout I would like it very much. Unfortunately the cutout makes her look blocky and disjointed, which is a damn shame because I am loving the styling. 

Laura Carmichael!
I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.

Jane Krakowski!
I feel like our Jane knows this thing is hideous but she's just going with it. A high neckline doesn't suit her very well. Even though she's bringing us The Leg Show starring Right Leg, I completely forget her leg when I look at her face and forget her face when I look at her leg. That probably has to do with these ridiculous shoes that make no sense. I never thought I'd long for a nude pump but here we are.

Connie Britton!
This is the dress equivalent to Russian nesting dolls: it just keeps getting smaller the further down you go. It makes her look like a Connie Britton cake pop.

Keri Russell!
I mean, if you wanted to wear a white sheath mini dress, that would have been okay. You didn't have to add the chiffon toilet paper trail of sadness.

Mandy Moore!
Noooo. This is some 1976 bridesmaid dress horror story come to life. AND it's sheer from the thighs down, of course it is.

Heidi Klum!
La Klum has never been the model of restrained fashion, but this is next level. This is a perfect dress for when one side of your body is warmer than the other side. This is like one of those half-man/half-woman costumes but it's just half-warm/half-cool, allllllllllllll Heidi. You know what this is? This is a Full Patton.

Friday, September 30, 2016

Emmys 2016 Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh!

As always, we have sooooooooooo much Meh. Let's start with something just a little whisper away from Good.


Alia Shawkat!
We are just a bra away from this being insanely fabulous.

Taraji P. Henson!
Oh I am so in love with this color and this neckline but the dress overall is a bit bland and I would love her makeup to pop a tiny bit more. Maybe a little more shimmer on the lid and more of a standout lip? That said, bow down to her purse game. Purse first!

Gwendoline Christie!
This is so close to being good that it makes me angry. She's so smart for coming in a flirty little feminine piece when she has made her name on distinctly butch characters - this is diversification of a portfolio if I ever saw it! I just wish this flirty little feminine piece a) didn't have quite so much corsetry in the torso, and b) was made of something other than Hefty bags.

Ellie Kemper!
The fit is great and, as usual, her head looks fabulous but why did anyone make a dress from the blackout curtains at the Courtyard Marriott?

Cuba Gooding Jr.!
So so close. Pants and sleeves are just a hair too long and the tie is just slightly too narrow, making his head look huge. You really tried, Cuba!

Portia Doubleday!
Neck-down: Fabulous and so sexy! Neck-up: hanging out with friends you don't have to impress.

Emmy Rossum!
I am so sick of Emmy Rossum showing up places looking beautiful but completely forgettable. MAKE A NEW CHOICE.

Padma Lakshmi!
I'm assuming since I see a bit of fabric pooling in the back that this dress is completely backless and incredibly sexy walking away. Walking toward you, however, is a very modest tin foil disco ball.

Gaby Hoffmann!
Sundays are Gaby's no-pants days and there is literally nothing anyone can do to change that. Real talk, Gaby Hoffmann has a very specific aesthetic and I think she looks pretty cool. (To be clear, it's the intimidating kind of cool. Art kid cool.)

Regina King!
I'm not in love with the detail on the bust, nor this material (mostly because it wrinkles so easily) but I am very much in love with the big grand train and the downright glamour of it. I would very much love to see this in either a lighter rose or a deeper coral. I think this is not the right color for our beloved Regina.

Jesse Tyler Ferguson (seen here with Justin Mikita)!
Tell me something I don't know, Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

Constance Zimmer!
It fits great and it stand out but...this design is for a tea cup, not a dress. Maybe it's the hair + floral, but this is reminding me of the dress Anna Wintour wore to the 2013 Met Ball. That's not a compliment.

Titus Burgess!
So close. Change out the bowtie and the shoes and we have a winner.

Hari Nef!
Faaaaaabulous dress that she is clearly loving but it wants a more delicate shoe and could use a necklace. I'm not in love with the hair but I think a little volume and tszuj to the bangs would do wonders.

Emilia Clarke!
She is all one color. If the dress didn't have the breast bunting, you'd never know she was wearing anything. This could most definitely use a necklace .

Angela Bassett!
The top half is poorly fitted, making the torso unflattering. With all that sleevery, it looks like she's slowly melting. Considering all that criticism, you may ask why this is in the Meh and not the Bad and the answer is: this is nothing compared to some of the poor decisions you'll see in the Bad.

Shiri Appleby!
Great color on her. A narrower V would make her appear less boxy.

Sofia Vergara!

Kirsten Dunst!
This is some sort of Grecian column in a brothel where the madame is in mourning after the death of one of her girls and it is kind of working for me. Kiki looks great even if the dress is fairly bananas. 

Jennifer Lewis!
I'm not sure this is working but I'm also not sure this is not working. I like the ode to excavation of city streets on her coat.

Joanne Froggatt!
I just finished watching the first season of Downton Abbey so I have a lot of love for Joanne Froggatt now but no matter how much I adore Anna, the truth is this a pretty dress that is almost instantly forgotten (and it could use a necklace).

Aziz Ansari!
This is the second simplest fix of the Meh - all he needs to do is go up half a size on the vest and add a tie. This is a fabulous tux perfectly suited for Aziz and they both deserve to shine.

Ariel Winter!
What a stunning dress. My god, I hate the styling on this. This wants big hair, lighter eyes, darker lip, and a cocktail ring in something other than diamond. The shoes can stay, though - they are gorgeous and just right for the dress.

Michelle Dockery!
I looooove the bottom of this dress and I love the shoes and I love everything that is happening with her head. So much is right with this dress except that it looks like she has two weeping ghosts on her boobs.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Emmys 2016 Red Carpet Rundown: The Good!

My dear readers, I thank you for your patience waiting for the Emmys rundown while I was on vacation. We have SO MUCH TO COVER so we're going to jump right into it. There are twists and turns and thrills and spills and a few surprises! Two things before we begin: 1) a reminder that I grade on a curve here at WTS and 2) our first twist: this first category includes some kids! As you may know, I am hesitant to include children on WTS so the rule is I only ever include them if they are in the Good pile. And boy howdy, are these kids awesome. Let's start with them, shall we?


The Stranger Things Kiddos!
I do not watch this show because it is clearly too scary for me, but these kids could not be more perfect. They definitely put a whole bunch of the adult actors to shame on the red carpet!

Yara Shahidi!
Now, Black-ish I do watch (and love). I was not this fabulous when I was a teenager, nor this confident. Loving this look.

Holly Taylor!
Absolutely stunning. Great fit, perfect styling.

Maisie Williams!
One of my favorite looks of the night. This kid knows how to turn it out. She's young enough to pull off this grandma applique and is absolutely working the dress length with those fabulous shoes. 

Sarah Paulson!
I can hardly believe I'm saying this but Sarah Paulson showed up in something I didn't absolutely hate! In fact... I think I really like it! Loving her head  - the hair, the makeup, the blonde, the earrings, YES.

Kathy Bates!
Love love love. Beautiful and elegant!

Laverne Cox!
 One of her best looks to date. This is a classic dress-as-the-award look and it is beyond stunning. 

Rami Malek!
Have we considered Rami Malek for the next James Bond? If not, WHY NOT. LOOK AT THIS MAGNIFICENT MAN.

Judith Light!
Someone explain to me how Judith Light has her phasers set to SLAY while wearing a hotel duvet cover? It makes no sense but I will buy what she is selling.

Aimee Teegarden!
She's doing Taylor Swift better than even Taylor Swift is these days. Very sleek and chic.

Maura Tierney!
I'm extremely impressed by how well she is pulling off this twee design and this dress length. More importantly, though, have we ever seen Maura Tierney in a room with Jenna Fischer?

Viola Davis!
Flawless! Color, length, design, styling, hair, makeup... this is a master class in red carpet wow.

Tom Hiddleston!
Everything seems to be in order here. 

Tatiana Maslany!
I am EXTREMELY impressed: this is the first time I've ever seen illusion netting that actually creates an illusion. Brava, Tatiana!

Julie Bowen!
Julie is one who tends to get it wrong on the red carpet but this year she killed it and I think it's the hair. The dress is pretty and fits her well but it's nothing terribly exciting. The styling is appropriate but not groundbreaking. But this hair! This blonde bombshell mid-60s just-got-laid-in-the-limo hair! I AM SO HERE FOR IT. 

Abigail Spencer!
I swear to God I had this dress for my Barbie. I'm definitely digging the late 70's disco starlet look.

Allison Janney!
YOWZA!!!!!! I'll take 5. 

Kit Harrington!
Elegant tux, excellent fit.

Margo Martindale!
I love this. She looks gorgeous.

Tina Fey!
This is the Tina Fey I've been waiting for. This Tina Fey appears relaxed and effortlessly glam. Well done!

Lily Tomlin!
I mean, this is the most Lily Tomlin dress but she pulls it off without a hitch. Everything is on point here. Love a good coat dress.

Terrence Howard (seen here with Mira Pak)!
FABULOUS. This is a gorgeous tux.

Constance Wu!
Another fantastic disco diva look, this one more firmly in the Studio 54 genre. Loving it.

Kate McKinnon!
I'll forever be a little disappointed when Kate McKinnon shows up dressed as anything other than Holtmann, but this is adorable and she looks great.

Kristen Bell!
Hands-down my favorite dress of the night. There are so many ways this could have gone wrong and yet it's just right.

Niecy Nash!
BAM! You want va-va-voom Hollywood showstopper? HERE SHE IS. I think this look could use a necklace but not anything too huge; just a little ice on the collarbone. That's such a small quibble, though, because she looks incredible. You know what? This is a Full Tonga!