Tuesday, December 31, 2013

In Which We Come to the End of 2013

My dear readers, I hope you've had a great year and are poised for a fantastic 2014. Obviously the beginning of the year holds the majority of our major awards shows, and therefore much red carpet judgment activities, so we've got that to look forward to at the very least!

I have to tell you something. I really hate New Year's Eve. I didn't always hate it; I used to look forward to the fun and the attitude of celebration that fills the air. Now, though, I just feel pressured to do something amazing or have an amazing party or run around and have the most fun ever. Meanwhile, I mostly feel like this:

So here's the real thing about New Year's Eve: I usually end up getting a panic attack around 11:30 PM when I start to think about all of the things I did not accomplish this year. And it's not like the things that pop into my brain are even rational. Last year I had a little cry on NYE because I didn't master smoky eye makeup in 2012. Seriously. I understand how ridiculous this is, and I intend to not let it happen again.

Some friends advised that I make a list of everything I did accomplish this year so that I don't end up in a bathroom at 11:45 PM like:

So I started writing. And I went through WTS and I went through some emails, and I went through my facebook and then I kept writing and then I looked at my list and I was like:

Y'all, I had a busy year. Which is GREAT! But also, I looked at the list again and just felt so tired. I took a break from looking at the list and took a break from checking my email and took a break from thinking about potential lovers and took a break from feeling bad about stupid stuff and started thinking about how I want my list to look next year. I want to be able to list that I wrote the book I'm planning to write


I want to be able to list that taking my show to Montreal Fringe was the greatest experience ever

Most of all, though, I want to be able to list that my family is happy and healthy and my friends feel supported. That would be the best thing for 2014.

So, happy new year's eve, Way Too Shay readers. I hope you see a lot of completely ridiculous outfits that make you laugh tonight. May the leather dress you see not be on your body. For now, though, I must go because I just found out my office is closing at 3 and I have plans to make.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Year End Fashion Round-Up: The WTF!

My dear readers, I am so glad we instituted the WTF category this year. It has been a very WTF year for fashion indeed. While it was difficult to narrow down the category, I have the following finalist to offer you as the most WTF fashion moments on the red carpet this year. BEHOLD!


Jaimie Alexander at the SAGs!

It's tight! It's short! It's long! It's wide! It's... got a weird strap across her neck. WTF is going on here?!

Barbra Streisand at the Oscars!
The time that Barbra showed up to the Oscars dressed as Stevie Nicks was one of my all time favorite times Barbra showed up somewhere in costume.

Kimbra at the Grammys!
Two things I learned: 1) There is a person named Kimbra, apparently. 2) She is an exotic ice dancer from the 1940s.

Cicely Tyson at the Tonys!
Cicely Tyson: giver of the most uncomfortable hugs at the Tonys this year!

Melissa Leo at the Emmys!
You know, it takes guts to show up to the Emmys in a circus ringmaster costume. I'm just grateful she didn't wear a top hat. Wait, I take it back. I totally wish she had worn a top hat.

Halle Berry at the Golden Globes!
This is the cover image for my new book, When Hideous Dresses Happen to Gorgeous Women.

Julianne Hough at the Emmys!
We should have known some truly truly unbelievably WTF bullshit was coming down the pike from Julianne when she showed up in underwear and curtains at the Emmys. There is nothing you can say that will convince me that this is a good outfit. It was almost my most WTF outfit of the year... alas, I cannot and will not give that honor to anyone but our Kim.

Kim Kardashian at the Met Gala!
I mean, come on. Even the shoes match. And let's please remember, most of all, that this is a glovedress.


Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Year End Fashion Round-Up: The Bad!

Oh, there was so much bad this year. So much. I found it very difficult to narrow down the "winners" for this category, but I had to draw the line somewhere, yes? Let's see where the line is.


Zosia Mamet's boobie sleep mask at the Emmys!

Alyssa Milano's mac and cheese disaster sack at the Golden Globes!

Debra Messing's unflattering dress and top knot at the Tonys!

KStew's homage to Spanish bull fighters at the Met Ball!

Anne Hathaway's 8th grade dinner dance chic at the Oscars!

Sophia Coppola's duct tape pajamas at the Met Ball!

Sigourney Weaver's trash bag gown at the SAGs!

Gwyneth Paltrow's pink frock of doom at the Met Ball!

I'm sorry poor Kevin had to see all of those.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Year End Fashion Round-Up: The Good!

Here we are, approaching the end of another year of Good, Meh, Bad, and WTF. I'm very happy we instituted the WTF this year because BOY HOWDY did we need it. In going over the Way Too Shay fashion coverage from this year I was saddened to find how few looks really struck me as fantastic this year. Maybe next year we'll finally finally finally be done with that terrible short-dress-long-mesh trend. Fingers crossed.


Lucy Liu at the Golden Globes!
You guys, remember when Lucy Liu wore this dress that sort of looks like wallpaper from 1778 but it totally worked on her was probably my favorite dress of the entire year? Yeah, I remember that also.

Dakota Fanning at the Met Ball!
Remember when Dakota fanning grew up and wore the most amazing dress? Me too.

Christina Hendricks at the Emmys!
Remember when Christina Hendricks figured it out and looked awesome? Me too.

Martha Plimpton at the Tonys!
Remember when Martha Plimpton wore the perfect dress? Me too!

Daniel Day Lewis and Rebecca Miller at the Oscars!
Oh my god, and then DDL wore a navy tux and Rebecca Miller wore that really cool dress with a great necklace and they just looked gorgeous?! Yes! That was the best!

Anne Hathaway at the Met Ball!
And then that time Anne Hathaway bounced back from the disaster that was her Oscars look (more on that later) by showing up to the Met Ball with this smoking hot dress with Phyllis Diller sleeves and I loved her bleached hair and everything vamptastic about this? Oh, we've had some great memories this year! My dear readers, let's hope that next year's Good pile wrap-up is more plentiful.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Television Comes to South Philadelphia

My dear readers, my roommate and I got cable and reliable internet recently. This is the first time we've had tv since moving into our house three years ago. I had come from a tv-heavy house and was looking forward to the break. I think she was humoring me. What I found out during the time we didn't have tv was just how many times I could watch the movies and shows on DVD we already owned. The answer: a lot. But we decided to take the plunge a month or so ago and I have learned some things.

1. I will watch almost anything on the Food Network as long as Robert Irvine is not involved. And sometimes I will watch the Robert Irvine shows also.

He is the physical embodiment of the Uh Oh Feeling for me.

1a. The Prairie Woman has a cooking show. It's not awesome but I still love her.

2. I will watch any iteration of House Hunters and yell at the entitled jerks who are looking at properties. I now have the words "en suite bathroom" "detached house" and "stainless steel appliances" burned into my brain. I'm a little concerned that my house has none of these.

3. Modern Family is well written and consistently funny. Parks and Rec is much better than it used to be and has made me cry more than once. The Mindy Project is entirely disappointing. Chopped is on all the time, but it's always a Thanksgiving episode. 

4. As it turns out, I can save money by watching football at home instead of at the bar. Not that I am surprised, it's just nice to remember that.

5. I am mystified and amazed by the ability to fast forward through commercials. DVR is insane and great. 

6. On the subject of DVR, I didn't realize you had to make difficult decisions. Last night we had to decide between taping Breaking the Faith and Home Alone. We chose BtF because we are obsessed with it. 

Sorry, Kevin. You cannot hold a candle to my obsession with prophet-based religious sects.

7. It occurred to me only the other day that having television means that I can watch awards shows the way they were meant to be watched: at home, in formal wear, eating pizza, yelling at the television.

7a. And I can watch hours upon hours of red carpet coverage. You're welcome in advance.

8. Because I was watching television, I was alerted to the fact that Michael Buble does a Christmas Special, and apparently his guests this year are my girls Mary J. Blige and Mariah Carey. What are MJB and Mariah doing on Michael Buble's Christmas Special? 

Basically, goodbye productivity. It was nice knowing you.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Sexy ___ Costume Rundown 2013!

My dear readers, did you know that I've been doing these Sexy ____ costume roundups since 2006? It started over on my dear departed Livejournal - I didn't even post pictures the first year! I was delighted/horrified to find out that there is a such costume as Sexy Bee. And that's where the obsession began. (With Sexy Bee costumes, I mean...)  This year, so as not to repeat costumes from previous years, I actually made a spreadsheet. A SPREADSHEET. That, my dear readers, is dedication. And so, behold: the latest slate of Sexy ____ costumes.

Sexy Smurf!

Meh. We're starting here because in terms of Sexy ____ costumes, this is fairly tame. Though you do have the whole "only gal in a sea of men" thing going on... for better or worse. Since we're here, why don't we just obliterate all of childhood, huh?

Now THAT'S more like it. The yarn hair is what really brings it home. Do you think she has Xavier Roberts' signature on her ass?

Oh good. Now all your body-shaming frenemies are free to make comments about you eating after midnight. That's what I always go for on Halloween.

I tried to find this last year to go with Sexy Mario and Sexy Luigi, but I suppose sexy supply hadn't yet caught up with sexy demand. The only downside to this costume is that you have to keep hiding in other castles all night. Bummer.

You know, there's being a Sexy Teddy Bear but then there's eviscerating a teddy bear and crawling inside its skin for Halloween. What I'm saying is, GROSS.

Yes, but why.

Not impressed, especially compared to Option 2. Next year, hook this costume up with LED lights and you can be Sexy Tron. PS, we can agree that the finger gun is a subtle nod to the fact that Han shot first, yes?

J'adore. I specifically enjoy the fact that you can enter wearing the helmet and then remove it in slow motion, shaking out your blonde locks while the camera pans around a room full of guys just AMAZED that such a babe was under that Sexy Storm Trooper costume. Also, this song plays while that happens. Continuing on in Sexy Movieland...

Whoa. I'm worried about how many gross jokes she'll get about her "puppies." 

50% Bettie Page, 50% taking things far too literally, 100% high class.

It is hilarious to me that this is actually called a Sexy Maleficent costume. INCORRECT, Yandy. Check yourself. I think this might be the perfect Sexy ____ costume for the lady who likes to leave something to the imagination.

No, really. You're welcome. 

MOVING ON. Are ya hungry?

That's all well and good, but for the life of me I could not find a Sexy Grimace costume. Go figure.

To go with the Hamburglar, of course. Because nothing says "sexy" like the words "hot fries" right over your vagina. 

I have to give props where props are due: I put this on Facebook a couple of days ago and reader Robert commented that they missed an opportunity for a green necklace here. That's right! This Sexy ____ COULD USE A NECKLACE. Well done, reader Robert. Bravo.

This costume costs $60. That is sixty dollars to wear a mini dress that basically looks like your nipples are off-kilter and your vagina is large, contains multitudes (of pizza). But I guess the pizza crust cowl is kind of worth it, right? Moving on.

Guys, nothing makes me laugh harder than Sexy Mime. Also, it's sending the perfect message that you, too, believe that women should be seen and not heard!


For when you absolutely, positively have to go out of the house in your underwear. The best part, of course, is that this costume does not come with the sledgehammer. 

My roommate recently watched the documentary Blackfish and told me in terrifying detail about how killer whales in captivity have EATEN their trainers and stuff. So I find it pretty fitting that this Sexy Shamu costume is basically a lady in the midst of getting eaten by a whale. Also, what is sexier than dressing up like a whale? I think I have the answer...

Oh my god, somebody, please be a Sexy Bird. It's my new favorite Sexy ___.

Sparkle Pony lives! Ladies, a word to the wise: please do not dress up as a Sexy Unicorn unless you really know what that means

WHOA. There is not enough double stick tape in the world for this.

For when you want your Sexy ___ to also be a Gross ____. Gives new meaning to the phrase "I wanna feel you from the inside." GROSS.

I like that she has a jaunty pillbox hat. I feel like that really sells it.

Finally, last and certainly most rage-inducing... 

I'm really sad I have to show you this.

I mean really sad and also pretty mad. But you know what? If I had to see it, then so do you:


Let me take you through my reactions. First I was all

And then I was all

But then I looked at it again

But still, I was like

And that turned into

Until I decided

Happy Halloween, everyone! Be careful out there tonight and don't let anyone call you a ho.