Monday, October 31, 2011

Your Guide to Sexy ____ Halloween Costumes

Happy Halloween! Before we get into the good stuff offered for Slutoween this year (and by "good stuff" I mean "the most ridiculous stuff I could find"), I want to share with you my own ironic Sexy Cat costume. Ladies and gentlemen, Sexy Peter Criss:

The makeup, unfortunately, gave me a slight chemical burn and those pants inspired an almost instant yeast infection, but it was WORTH IT. And now on to the good stuff.

Listen, usually I go through all sorts of different websites looking for the "best" in Sexy ____ costumes, but I have learned that all you have to do is go to Yandy is the Sexy King of Sexy ____ costumes. All of these photos are from that site.

Sexy Eskimo!

Seximo. Seeing as it SNOWED this weekend in Philly, this would be a warmer Sexy ___ costume option.

Sexy MC Hamster!

Who DOESN'T wear a plush hamster head when they're feeling sexy!? I am not lying when I tell you this costume comes in different colors.

Sexy Wood Chipper!

According to Yandy, this is a "wood chipper" costume. Also according to Yandy, the beaver is detachable. You might think it doesn't get better than this but you'd be wrong.

Sexy Murder Victim!

Good news ladies! Now your sexy costume repertoire includes a reminder that you are an appropriate target of violence! YOU'RE WELCOME.

Sexy Lady Gaga!

Redundant and ineffectual. Lady Gaga routinely wears less fabric than this.

Sexy Dick Tracy!

Now that's more like it! You got your Sexy Gangster and your Sexy early 90s movie nostalgia all in one!

Sexy Eve!

The snake is a puppet. You're wearing a leotard and a puppet. In case you were wondering, no, it does not get sexier than that.

Sexy Dolphin!

The tail is what makes it art.

Sexy Train Conductor!

Perfect if you're hoping that someone will choo-choo-choose you!

Sexy Pineapple!

Every year as I scroll through the Sexy ____ offerings, I come to a few outfits that make me think, Who sees this and says "That's the one!"????

Sexy Watermelon!

An excellent addition to the Sexy Fruit Cup we're putting together. (Also, there is a costume for Sexy Fruit Cup. It just wasn't good enough to include here.) I wonder what else we could add to our Sexy Fruit Stand?

Sexy Banana!


Sexy Scrabble!

This one has been making the rounds this year, for good reason. IT'S RIDICULOUS.

Sexy Shark!

This one just makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. One of my favorites of all time. I think it's the look on her face paired with the SHARK ON HER HEAD.

Sexy Rambo!

Because it's gotta be 1982 somewhere.

Sexy Flashdance!

So maybe you're going to a Sexy 80s party. (Please note: they also sell Sexy Cyndi Lauper costumes. REDUNDANT.)

Sexy Viking!

Fur? Check. Horns? Check. Illusion bustier that makes breasts look exposed? Check.

Sexy Brownie!

Just to clarify: the youngest girl scouts are Brownies and they wear brown smocks. Once you become a regular Girl Scout in middle school, you get the green outfit. So basically, this is a Sexy Second Grader costume. On the other hand, I definitely appreciate how well they've posed this photo. Is she a Sexy Brownie Detective?

Sexy Indiana Jones!

Guaranteed to have some dude drunkenly slur at you, "We named the DOG Indiana!" and then smack your ass.

Sexy Jane Goodall!

The person who thought up this costume was quickly fired for being "too cerebral."

Sexy Elvira!

...because Elvira is not sexy enough? I don't understand.

Sexy Optimus Prime!

Nerd magnet.

Sexy Green Lantern!

Nerd magnet supreme!

Sexy Edward Scissorhands!

I actually love this. But then again, I love Edward Scissorhands. I don't see the advantage of a short skirt over skin tight pants but I suppose that's why I don't have a job at Yandy.

And now, my friends, the greatest Sexy ____ costume I have ever seen:

Sexy Hulk Hogan!

Whatcha gonna do, Brother, when Hulkamania runs wild on you!?

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Purchases of the damned

Halloween is the special time of year when you rationalize purchasing things you'll almost certainly never use again. For me, that purchase was super-shiny, skin-tight black leggings.


My dear readers, believe me when I say that this pains me as much as it does you. We know that leggings are not pants. But. I'm trying to be Sexy Peter Criss for a Sexy Cat Halloween party and it just won't work without the leggings as pants. Truthfully, my first idea was a unitard but then I realized that a vest and leggings with appropriate accessories would do the trick just fine. (And would save me about $20.) In the end, it's all about the makeup anyway, right?

I tried on the leggings last night at the theatre to make my colleagues laugh and received no fewer than three butt-smacks from the Ladies of Flashpoint. For a moment, I understood the attraction of wearing leggings as pants: my ass looked fantastic in these horrible things. Fantastic and shiny.

Friday, October 21, 2011

One Year

It's birthday time here at Way Too Shay! Here are some things we have learned this year:

* Necklaces are a go, especially with strapless gowns and in the case of earthquakes.

* This season of Project Runway is terrible. I refuse to even put up a photo.

* Everyone in the world agrees that Ken Watanabe is totally hot.

* The Rules are totally whack.


* You can totally wear a vagina/toilet as a fascinator.

* There is a Sexy Phantom of the Opera costume.

* This is apparently formalwear:

* Michelle Williams from Destiny's Child was in Blue Valentine.

If I can be serious for a moment, my dear readers, I must thank you for coming by and having fun with me for the past year. It's certainly not been the easiest year of my life and having this space where we could be all WHAAAAAAAT?! about stuff like this:

has been wonderful! What I really learned over the past year is that the people who love you are the most important thing in the world and that we need to remember not to coast through our lives taking people for granted. Who else can take you from this:

to this:

over the course of a couple of hours, some straight talk, and a little bit of wine? Okay, a lot of wine. Cheers to you!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A Challenge

My dear readers, we are coming up on the one year anniversary of WTS! Confetti! Balloons! Champagne! And a challenge!

Remember when we were going to compliment people on the street with rockin' style? And how it was sometimes awkward? And then, I don't know if I told you this, but I complimented one girl and it turns out I knew her and just hadn't seen her in a year or so?! Weird. Anyway, this challenge is a little closer to home.

Let's make our life about good choices.

For one week, I challenge you to actively choose things. Instead of, "Ugh, I have to get up and take a shower," try to reframe your thinking to, "I like to shower and I'm going to smell so good after I do this. I'll be ready for my day." And then (and this is the really tricky part): try to actively enjoy and be engaged in that thing you chose.

This can apply to what you're wearing, what you choose to eat, the people you choose to interact with, the activities you choose to do. I find myself being incredibly passive in so many areas of my life and feeling under obligation to do so many things that I find repetitive, boring, and NOT stimulating. Let's engage in life by making it about choice.

Special thanks to reader Mix for bringing this up at dinner last night. I'll tell you all about that dinner in the next post because OH MY GOD YOU GUYS WE ATE ALL OF THE GOOD FOOD.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Overalls are not flattering.

The other day I was reminiscing with a college friend about the uniform for female theatre majors at our school: tank top, overalls, bandana, crescent wrench. My friend was bemoaning the fact that she no longer has overalls but I can't agree with her. I remember how I looked in my overalls and while they were definitely comfortable they were certainly not chic.

Now we just have to get that memo to Katie Holmes.

I think perhaps my favorite part of this is looking at it top to bottom (a "scrolldown fug" as the Fug Girls would say).

sloppy ponytail....

minimal makeup...

comfy shirt...


gigantic overalls...


To be honest, I kind of feel for Joey Potter. I mean, we've all done this, right? Throw on any old shoes to go out to get the mail or just run halfway down the block to the bodega to pick up a milk chug for your mac and cheese? And you realize you're wearing yoga pants and a huge tshirt and, you know, silver sparkly flats but you're just going down the street real quick and it's not like you're going to run into anyone you know. Except you ALWAYS DO. It's a law of the universe. Luckily, not many of us run in the paparazzi when we're in a stupid shoe and oversized clothing moment. Alas for Mrs. Cruise, it just wasn't her day.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Oh god, the PRESSURE

Tonight is the Barrymore Awards for Philadelphia theatre, aka Theatre Prom. Everyone gets all dolled up, awards are handed out, speeches are made, and many many many bottles of wine are sacrificed to the theatre gods (by way of theatre gullets) after the ceremony. I used to think that the point of the ceremony was to award outstanding achievements in regional theatre, but I know better now. The point is to look better than we usually do, which would be covered in paint and sweatpants.

I pulled a forgotten dress out of my closet and remembered my shoes and a wrap and a necklace and all of that, but I feel like the pressure is really on this year. Why? Because of stupid Way Too Shay! I have been second-guessing my necklace selection all day. I've been wondering if I should have gone with different earrings. And I'm in absolute hysterics about my hair. Why did I cut my hair off without figuring out how to style this cut for a formal occasion!?

I'm getting ready at my office after work today, due to time constraints and the absolute necessity of a pre-ceremony glass of wine. There's a very specific emotion that arises out of applying Spanx to one's body in one's office restroom. I won't define it for you; it's the sort of thing one must feel for oneself.

I've done a little trick to help alleviate my worries about inappropriate accessorizing: I look like crap today. I am wearing pants that don't quite fit anymore, a drab grey sweater that washes me out, my hair is a disaster, and I'm not wearing a lick of makeup. Here's how it works: I'll put myself together in my pretty dress and do my hair and makeup (and deal with the Spanx issue), and then when I look at the finished product in the mirror I will be impressed because I came so far from Sloppy Sally the Office Drone.

Good luck to all of the nominees (especially my theatre company!) and remember, the only thing that matters is that we're not wearing sweatpants.