Thursday, February 28, 2013

Oscars 2013: The Meh!

Regarding yesterday's post: I fully embrace the fact that I might be the only person alive who thought Halle Berry looked great. I am fine with that. And I still love each and every one of you.


Jennifer Aniston!
Lovely dress totally undone by a lack of hairdo. And I wish she was wearing a necklace. Still, it's great to see Jen in a color.

Reese Witherspoon!
I see what she was going for, but in the end it's not doing her any favors. The cut on the bodice at once makes her hips look out of proportion and her boobs look tiny. And that sad little train is making me wince.

Norah Jones!
Speaking of no favors being done by a gown... yikes. I actually really like this dress but I just don't think it's the right dress for her. And the hair is a major misstep if you ask me.

George Clooney (seen here with Stacy Keibler)!
Sloppy! The pants are too long, the jacket is unbuttoned on the red carpet (cardinal sin), and he just looks like he's phoning it in. Now, I love a good beard and I have no problem with the one on his face - and his arm. OOOH! BURN! But it is sort of shocking to see The Cloon with full facial hair, right? There was some speculation by some of my friends on Oscar night that mayhaps The Cloon is playing Papa in a biopic. That would be awesome.

Octavia Spencer!
I love the color, I love the neckline, I love the hair. I do not love the construction on the dress; it just cuts her in too many pieces and makes her look short.

Olivia Munn!
Oh so close! Great make up, great hair, great design. I love almost everything about this but I am very fearful that she's about to go tits ahoy. The skirt seems pretty heavy and I don't know that it really needs that train.

Salma Hayek!
Okay, so it's McQueen on the RC and you know how I feel about that. On one hand, I totally love this dress - it is so WOW. On the other hand, with the golden neck strangler and the big top knot hairdo, our Salma sort of looks like a fancy vase.

Catherine Zeta-Jones!
And then Catherine Zeta-Jones came dressed as the prettiest Sandra Lee tablescape of all time.

Kerry Washington!
Soooo pretty. I love this color and how simple the skirt is. Her makeup is flawless. But the top of the dress looks heavy and clunky. I just wish it was more delicate.

Renee Zellweger!
It's just slightly too tight. Gold lame is unforgiving, and this here is the proof. Her hair looks like she just finished an hour on the elliptical and the accessories are a mistake. Renee. Help me help you.

Bradley Cooper (seen here with him mom)!
Again, just slightly too tight, especially in the pants. I don't really like Bradley Cooper and I feel weird looking straight at his inseam every time I open this photo. Also, he has got to figure out a different way to wear his hair. That's just rough. As for his adorable mom, go 'head girl! If you're going to the Oscars with your nominated son, I think that lace and feathers and bowling shoes are the right answer. I'm not even being snarky! You are my favorite. You're like the lady in the hot pink coat that I loved in the background of every Golden Globes photo this year. xoxo.

Jennifer Hudson!
If this was sleeveless, I would be all about it. But it's not, so I think it's just okay.

Jeremy Renner!
Jeremy Renner looks like he's plotting your downfall while wearing his big brother's tux and the Bat Signal around his neck.

and finally.... who else but...

At least we know for once and for all that laundry day happens to the best of us. And make no mistake: HBC is the best of us.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Oscars 2013: The Good!

I have been having one hell of a week over here at Way Too Shay Headquarters, which is why we're getting started on the Oscars rundown so late. Luckily, as reader Jayme reminded me today, "Bad fashion never rots." Well thank god.


Charlize Theron!
It is entirely possible that she is wearing more boob tape than she is wearing dress, but this look just knocked me out. One of my favorites for the night.

Daniel Day Lewis and Rebecca Miller!
Classic. Elegant. Beautiful. My goodness, I do love a navy tux.

Queen Latifah!
Nailed it. I honestly do not have one bad thing to say. She looks gorgeous. The cut and fit are perfection.

Joseph Gordon Levitt
Someone fetch me my smelling salts - I believe I may faint.

Emmanuelle Riva!
Bringing the floor-length cape realness in a gorgeous color.

Helen Hunt!
Fun fact: This dress is by H&M. Which probably means  that by the end of the night it had slid halfway around her body without her noticing, giving the effect that she had been somehow twisted around the middle. That's what happens to me when I wear H&M, anyway. All joking aside, it's a classic silhouette, great necklace, lovely hair. So glad to have you back, Helen.

Jamie Foxx and his daughter Corinne Bishop!
While I feel like the black shirt paired with black lapels creates some sort of chest vortex, I think overall it's a sharp look for Jamie Foxx. His daughter looks fabulous - don't change a thing!

Fan Bingbing!
A) I love her name. B) I love this color on her. C) While I think it could use a necklace, I really love how serious this dress is. It's like "Hello. I am a dress and I am not F'ing around!"

Samantha Barks!
And on the other end of the dress spectrum, even with the deepest of deep Vs this looks glamorously understated. And look! A necklace! Bless.

Shirley Bassey!
76 years old. Yeah, the fringe on the bottom of the dress is a little whack but damn, she looks good!

Jane Fonda!
Speaking of looking good... bow down! I loved this look on her so much. (Also, for those of you keeping score at home, our Jane is 75 years old. I'm going to start doing some aerobics videos. Sheesh.)

Daniel Radcliffe!
Perfectly fitted, perfectly lovely. And that's just on his own! When he got up on stage with Kristen Stewart (who is allergic to brushing her hair and looking happy) he managed to look even more put together. 10 points to Gryffindor!

Halle Berry!
This dress is intense, but she is really making it work. Thank you, Halle, for not showing us your hip bone this time. You look so great.

Christoph Waltz (seen here with Judith Holste)!
A beautifully tailored navy blue tux will do me in anytime. Just fabulous. PS - I like Judith's dress, but it's not enough for the Oscars.

Jennifer Lawrence!
If you're going to win an Oscar at age 22, you may as well do it in a dramatic, gorgeous Barbie dress that makes you look like you're made out of rose petals. I fear it was a bit heavy and threatening to droop and I think maybe the necklace she chose was not the right one, but those are minor quibbles.

Regarding JLaw's fall on the way to collect her Oscar: the next time I fall down on the streets of Philadelphia (which happens more often than you'd think), I am going to be really disappointed if Hugh Jackman doesn't run to my aid.

Justin Theroux!
It's impressive, really, that there is not one hair out of place, not one wrinkle in the fabric, not one detail undone.

Zoe Saldana!
My first thought: That is one showstopper of a gown and she is wearing the hell out of it. My second thought: those flower things must have been scratching her arms all night.

Stacy Keibler (seen here with George Clooney)!
I am in love with this dress. I cannot stop looking at it. It makes me so happy! She looks amazing. As for The Cloon... we'll get to him in another post.

I kind of wish there was an accent belt or sash (mayhaps in gold), but I thought this looked gorgeous, especially under the lights when she adorably thanked "her man."

Eddie Redmayne!
 Perfect. He sings like a Muppet, but he looks perfect.

Jenna Dewan-Tatum (seen here with Channing Tatum)!
He doesn't really do it for me and his tux is clearly far too small for him. But! His wife! THIS is how we do red carpet pregnancy. Everyone copy this photo and put it in a file for the appropriate time. Yes, girl, yes.

Jessica Chastain!
Sometimes if you wish for something hard enough, you get your wish. You guys, I wished SO HARD for La Chastain to pull out all the stops for the Oscars and it came true! She looks better than I've ever seen her. I wouldn't normally think this color would work for her, but it is flawless. Well played, La Chastain.

Quvenzhane Wallis!
Best dressed of the night! She looks gorgeous and happy and I really want those shoes. Also: I love her puppy purse so so much, especially since the puppy is wearing a tiara.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Grammys 2013: The WTF

I know, I know, I know. I'm late with this and the Oscars are this weekend and it's crunch time for FASHION.


A) I didn't realize SWV still existed.
B) I remember really liking them, but I cannot think of a single SWV song right now.
C) SWV REALLY LOVES AMERICA. Or France. They might love France.

Lisa D'Amato!
Mother Ginger meets Ringling Brothers meets Tim Burton. The dress is bad enough as it is, but WTF is up with the satin bow? Is that really necessary!?

Otis Williams!
Mr. Williams,
I regret to inform you that your status as one of the Temptations does not entitle you to dress like a Black Eyed Pea. PS, WTF is on your shoes?
The Management

Kimberly Schlapman!
WTF happened to your dress, Kimberly? How much tape are you wearing to keep that napkin attached to your bosoms? What is this witchcraft?

Red Foo!
Look at this fucking hipster. Red Foo (if indeed that is your real name), are you wearing short pants on the red carpet? To quote Judge Brack, "People don't do such things!"

THAT'S RIGHT. I just quoted Ibsen in a discussion of what a person named Red Foo wore to an awards show. WAY TOO SHAY IS HIGH ART.

Josh Ramsay (seen here with Amanda McEwan)!
Copper. Pleather. Suit. W. T. F.

Why are none of them wearing socks?! Also why are all of them wearing capri pants? This concerns me.

Honestly, I think this outfit broke my brain. 1940s hair and makeup. Figure skater torso and inexplicable tulle. It's like the entire bottom of the dress wanted to be covered in tulle, but it's balding around her knees and growing gold boils in its place. Additionally, what is a Kimbra? Also, I wish all these kids would get off my lawn.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Grammys 2013: The Bad!

Happy Friday! My gift to you is this post.


Jennifer Lopez!
I've said it before and I'll say it again: What hath Angelina wrought!? This looks like a dance leotard retrofitted as evening wear. I will never understand that teeny tiny topknot. But, credit where it is due: fierce shoes.

Ashley Keating!
Psst! Ashley! We already have a Katy Perry and she showed up in a more interesting dress.

Natasha Bedingfeld!
She looks like the title sequence to Dexter.

Oh no, you guys. It's that guy you slept with that one time who gave you a rash on your arm because he hadn't showered in a while. No, don't look! Don't look. He's looking at you RIGHT NOW with that "I think I know her" face. Maybe he'll decide that you are just somebody that he used to know. Don't look!

Mika Newton!
Took a wrong turn on the way to the Purity Ball.

Janelle Monae!
Beyond the fact that this is a straight-up costume, those pants are FAR too tight to wear in public, let alone to a place you will be sitting in a chair for most of the night. RIP, Janelle Monae's zipper.

Maria Menounos!
Congratulations! Just by reading this post you have been awarded a degree in gynecology!

Jack White!
I'm so sorry for your loss. ........Of pigment. (NAILED IT)

Why are you dressed like Mary Poppins' bag?! And seriously, whoever told you to wear those shoes can never be trusted again.

Kelly Osbourne!
Boring and unflattering in the worst possible way. THIS is why we don't wear the midriff cutouts, ladyfrend.

Keltie Colleen!
WRONG. First of all, you are wearing a romper with a big skirt. Secondly the romper is not flattering. Thirdly you are wearing the high heeled version of Mickey Mouse shoes. Fourthly, seriously? Do you think you are fooling us? Your real name has to be Colleen Keltie, right? It's just gotta be.

John Mayer (seen here with Quincy Jones)!
 Obvs, Q looks amazing. Really no one pulls off the all black suit quite like him. Willy Wonka over there is another story. Although, I guess if you're going to a party full of all your ex girlfriends, maybe an indigo velvet suit jacket is the best approach. At least you know they'll be talking about your terrible taste in clothes before they start talking about what a jerk you are.

Oh girl. Oh no. No, no, no.

Faith Hill!
It's not awful but it's not good. Faith, honey, you are trying too hard and it's aging you in a bad way.

Carly Rae Jepsen!
It fits poorly, it looks cheap, it's too long, the eyeliner is blue, the hair is an afterthought, and there's no necklace. Hey, I just met you and this is crazy but get a stylist who can help you, maybe? (Oh come on, you knew I would go there.)

OH MY GOD. What is this I don't even!? The pattern! The mermaid! The crop top! With long sleeves! This dress is giving me a migraine.

No, seriously, you guys! WHAT IS THAT PATTERN!?

Florence Welch!
And then Flo came dressed as a green lamé dinosaur. You know. Like you do...