Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Crankypants McCrabby

My dear 6 readers, I am in a foul mood. Much like Peter Pan, it started last night, followed the second star to the right, and continued straight on till morning. And then afternoon. And I need to not be cranky tonight because it's a high holy day indeed - my fantasy football draft! Last year I let my team suffocate and die a hideous death for some very silly reasons, which means: now I have FIRST PICK! Obvs, that is going to be pretty sweet. But in the meantime I've got to kiss these blues goodbye.

What are your tried and true ways for getting out of a crabby mood?

I have a few (some more readily accessible during the work day than others) to share with you, but I do want to hear your bad mood busters in the comments.

* Singing the opening bars of Kung Fu Fighting (whoa-hoh-oh-oooooooooh), very quietly, out loud, to myself.

* Thinking about how much my dad looks like Béla Károlyi:

* Imagine winning an award and telling my grade school nemesis off in the acceptance speech.

* Mary J. Blige.

* Conjuring the memory of eating The World's Smallest BLT.

* Imagining taking a bath. NB: not actually taking a bath because first I would have to clean the tub really well and also I can't use bubble bath or salts or anything because I am sensitive to all of that, so it's basically just making Meg Soup. Which is kind of gross. But the IDEA of a perfect, pretty bath is great.

* Cooking up a ton of delicious food.

* Taking some "time for yourself" with a favorite battery-operated (or manual! I know some of you dig manual!) accessory.

* Doing yoga. When I started practice this afternoon I was like "grumblemumbleyoga." And at the end of practice I was like "grumblemumbleiloveyoga."

* Looking at this picture:


Okay, so how about you? How do you like to cheer yourself up?

Tuesday, August 30, 2011


You guys! Beyoncé has something important to say!


As a person who loves babies and children and feels excited about about celebrities producing offspring, this is great news. I am similarly happy that Jennifer Garner is knocked up again because for whatever reason she and B'Affleck have the cutest kids!

Violet Affleck. Cutest child born of someone other than my friends and family members.

Also, Tina Fey! New baby! Could the new baby possibly be as fiercely carefree as Alice?!

I am going to skip the hell out of this sidewalk! I am awesome!

True story: when Bey and Jay-Z got married, my mom gossiped to me and my sister, "Did you hear that Beyoncé and Jazzy got married?" At first we thought that perhaps she confused Shawn Carter with DJ Jazzy Jeff, but no. She was just confused about how to pronounce Jay-Z. We had a good laugh. BUT! Joke's on us! I was just looking at Jay-Z's wikipedia page where it says:

In his neighborhood, Carter was known as "Jazzy", a nickname that eventually developed into his showbiz/stage name, "Jay-Z".

Goddamn it, Mom. Now we can't tell this story anymore!

Friday, August 26, 2011

God bless and keep you, Sinead O'Connor

According to Jezebel's gossip column, Sinead O'Connor is looking for a man...via her personal website. She's not just looking for any man, though, oh no! She has a fairly long list of requirements that are kind of hilarious and make me desperately want to be friends with Sinead O'Connor. But first, let's see the lead-in.

My shit-uation sexually/affectionately speaking is so dire that inanimate objects are starting to look good as are inappropriate and/or unavailable men and/or inappropriate and/or unavailable fruits and vegetables. I tell you yams are looking like the winners. I actually do know a woman who is a performance artist from America. I have a photo of her being escorted arm in arm by two uk police man onto a plane back home cuz she humped a yam in the middle of her show. I just know that's going to happen to me if I don't take drastic action.

And with that, I bookmarked her website so I can read her blog every damn day.

Don't cry, Sinead, I think you are hilarious.

You can find the entire entry here (scroll down) if you'd like to look at it (and trust me: you do) but here is the list of things Sinead O'Connor requests/requires in her lover. I'll include the lead-in because I think it's the greatest set-up to the list.

Am in desperate need of a very sweet sex-starved man.

He must be no younger than 44.

Must be living in Ireland but I don't care if he is from the planet Zog.

Must not be named Brian or Nigel.

Must be blind enough to think I'm gorgeous.

Has to be employed. Am not fussy in what capacity generally but vehicle clampers need not apply.

Leather trouser- wearing gardai, fire-men, rugby players, and Robert Downey-Junior will be given special consideration. As will literally anyone who applies.

I like me a hairy man so buffed and/or waxed need not apply.

No hair gel.

No hair dryer use.

No hair dye

Stubble is a non-negotiable must. Any removal of stubble would be upsetting for me.

No after shave.

Must be very 'snuggly'. Not just wham-bam.

Must be wham-bam.

Has to like his mother.

Has to like his ex and or mother/s of his children.

Has to live in own place.

Who among us has not been here? I spent a good deal of my 23rd year listing off to various friends the attributes I would like in a partner. Some of those intersect with what Sinead is laying out here, especially the part about Robert Downey-Junior will be given special consideration. As will literally anyone who applies. Although, I suppose 8 years ago RDJ wasn't quite the phoenix risen from ash that current-day RDJ is.


How totally awesome does the new Sherlock Holmes movie look? I can't wait. I just about peed myself when I saw the trailer.


Back to the list, I think if I made one now it would be different than the ones I used to muse over at 23, but not terribly much different that Sinead's hilarious and genius list. Stubble and hair, yes. RDJ, yes. Liking one's mother, yes. Wham-bam, yes. Weirdly, I am not sure I did make a list when my last relationship ended. Well, that's not true. I think my list was one item long and said


Which means my life-long fear has been realized: I am Janet Livermore from Singles. I have successfully whittled a long list of musts such as ambition, compassion, and humor down to "says gesundheit when I sneeze. Though, I prefer bless you. It's nicer."

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

What to do in an earthquake

1. Take cover.

2. Touch your clavicle. Is there a necklace there?

3. If no necklace is found, create makeshift necklace out of earbuds, iPhone charger, paperclip chain or similar.

4. Feel reassured in the knowledge that while you may be experiencing an earthquake, you are not Too Shay.

Reader Megan just sent in this photo with the accompanying text:

Prepared for quakepocalypse.


Friday, August 19, 2011

Today in baseball fashion

A couple of years ago (or something), Alyssa "SaMAHnTA" Milano debuted a line of baseball fan gear for ladies. And thank god. The stuff was actually cute and the shirts were cut to flatter. Not to be outdone, Victoria's Secret then came out with shirts (for each team) that said "I only kiss ____ fans." Obviously, I wanted all of these things in the Phillies flavor. The problem is that the VS stuff is blinged out, which makes one look like you don't know a balk from a bunt. Ms. Milano gives us the cute but understated look of a true fan. Let's compare:

It's hilarious to me how you can tell that wearing Phillies gear is making Alyssa Milano want to die. Also of note here, I like that Ms. Milano already has us in the chilly post-season with this jacket. Do you think she gets crap from her fellow Dodgers fans for making outerwear options for other teams? Probably.

What Alyssa Milano did (which I really like) was make other fan apparel manufacturers realize that girls like sports and will buy adorable but serious fan apparel if you make it. The thing is, as a sports fan in Philadelphia, one is constantly challenged to prove it. One does not want to look like an amateur because then one is always sent to get the beer. So one must choose fan apparel carefully. This is why things that are specific to players or just generally I LOVE MY TEAM are preferred to blinged out sexy shirts. (Says the girl who wore an I [heart] Chooch t-shirt to Tuesday's game.)

So it was with absolute delight that I discovered a genius new shirt on Zoo With Roy. You guys know I love the O RLY owl, and I really am developing a deep fondness for our lovely pitcher Vance Worley, pictured here:

dig those glasses!

Like tomato and basil, two great tastes go together in this shirt:

And would you look at that? It comes in lady-curve sizes!


In other news, I know you are waiting for more Project Rundown, but I hate these people. I'll try to make it happen. And I know we need to start The Rules II: Seriously, There Are More Rules. We will be getting to that soon, soon, soon. Until then, have a great weekend and much mazel to Our Little Orange Angel on his marriage to someone that used to be his intern. Fairy tales can come true, my dear 6 readers.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Fictional food all up in my brain!

Because of this totally awesome post on The Hairpin about foods in movies and literature, I found out there is actually an Anne of Green Gables Cookbook. I obviously have to get that immediately. RASPBERRY CORDIAL!

Back to the original article, I agree with co-writer Emily that just once I want to try a Cheesy Blaster. It sounds kind of disgusting but also kind of awesome. Kind of like a Philly Taco, which is not at all a crude term for a vagina that boos at sports teams. A Philly Taco is when you go to South Street and wrap a cheesesteak from Jim's (which is really the best cheesesteak in Philly, don't let anyone tell you differently) in a slice of pizza from Lorenzo's down the street. Some people also throw a soft pretzel in the midddle of there too. I am hesitant to indulge in this taste sensation because I don't like Lorenzo's sweet tomato sauce. Oh right, also because it's like a million calories. That too.

My dear 6 readers, do you ever have the experience when you're eating something and you float outside of your body and think, I know I look so disgusting right now. Okay, I'm going to out myself. I live very close to Cheesesteak Alley and if I'm coming home late on a weekend night, I will totally stop at Pat's and get cheese fries. I will then pump the cheese fry cup full of ketchup, grab a napkin and a fork, and complete my walk home. It takes me exactly the same amount of time to walk to the corner of my block as it does to consume the ketchup-y cheese fries. And there is a trash can on that corner, so cleanup is very efficient! But let me tell you, I just know I look absolutely gross eating this delicious treat. Because it's Whiz and ketchup and I definitely only do this when I've had a couple of beers so sometimes I miss my mouth and slam the fries directly into my face. And then sometimes the napkin gets all gross with Whiz and so I'm not actually doing anything much more than just wiping MORE Whiz on my cheek. And then I get home and I'm like, why do I have a belly ache? And then I go directly to bed. And the greatest thing in the world for your body is to hibernate immediately after consuming about a billion calories. The other greatest thing in the world for your body is spending 8 hours with processed cheese sauce on your skin.

In a related story, when I was a kid and a teenager, adults used to tell me all the time that I was incredibly mature for my age.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Oh my god, she got it right!*

*well, you know...almost.

This past season I cut Jane Lynch off from my red carpet coverage because she had hurt me too many times with heavy, unflattering looks. I didn't want to do it, but it was for her own good. I have loved Jane Lynch since she first introduced us to dog trainer Christy Cummings, but I have never loved her on the red carpet. UNTIL...

What a great look that could use a necklace instead of big earrings! Welcome back to the red blue carpet. Your probation is over.

True Confession
My dear 6 readers, I have to confess something to you. I went to a friend's wedding this weekend and betrayed my own advice/rules. I didn't have room in my bag for flats AND my shoes were threatening to rip off one of my toenails (not a positive quality in a shoe) so... I hit the dancefloor with bare feet. Oh, and I hit the dancefloor HARD. You know what, though? I may be a hypocrite about the shoes, but I wore 2 necklaces. Seriously.

Friday, August 12, 2011

What to wear?!

I'm going to my friend's wedding tomorrow and my friends and I have been on a seemingly endless loop of "What are you going to wear!?" I finally took a picture of the dress I'm borrowing from my endlessly patient roommate because I was tired of describing it. OH MY GOD MY LIFE IS SO HARD I HAVE TO DESCRIBE A MAXI DRESS.

Oh yes, I said, "maxi dress."

The difficulty in dressing for this wedding is that the groom/friend is super laid-back. The event and location, though? Fan-cy! What's a girl to do? That's pretty easy, actually: dress for the room and the event. It occurs to me that there are a lot of difficult occasions for which we must dress, and a guide based purely on my opinions because let's remember that I have a theatre degree, not a fashion degree might be helpful. Sorry guys, for pretty much all of these the only thing you have to do is show up in a clean, well-fitted suit. And we HATE you for it.

Evening Wedding with sit-down-type dinner and things like that
This is a dress up event. Get out that nice dress from the back of your closet and do it up. This is definitely the time to bust out those amazing shoes you never have a reason to wear. Black is fine, but color is great too. NOT WHITE. NOT OFF-WHITE. Super formal wedding? Feel free to wear the full-length gown. Make sure you can walk in the shoes and if your bag has room in it, pack flats for dancing. No one likes to see bare feet in the middle of a chandelier-packed ballroom. Remember what Mary J. Blige says in her seminal woman power song "Just Fine" - "I'm a lady so I must stay classy." Always listen to MJB.

Now here's my problem, and maybe you can solve it for me: Winter weddings. You look lovely and then have to throw your big honking jacket over it all. Ugh. I have a coat that is formal-ish, but it's kind of a mess and it's really bulky. I'm not buying a dress coat just to have a dress coat for the one winter wedding I go to every year. And freezing to death by draping a little scarf around my shoulders is not an option because I get cold easily. What is a girl to do?

Outdoor Wedding
If it's like outdoor sit-down wedding, you are going to need a pretty party dress or a day dress. Just go to ModCloth, close your eyes, and click. Problem solved. Same can go for outdoor barbeque wedding (which would be EXACTLY what I would want if I was getting married, ps) but you can also really up the funk factor on this kind of a wedding. Big prints: YES. A fascinator? TOTALLY. Cowboy boots with a day dress? I HAVE DONE THIS. Just have fun because you're going to be covered in cornbread anyway. Mmmm...cornbread.

Wedding/Baby Shower
Nice pants and a cute top with decent shoes or a pretty day dress. Think of a favorite aunt. Would she say you look very nice and how great it is to see you all grown up? If not, start over.

Oh, when I say day dress, I am thinking of something along the lines of this. Also, omg, can that dress be any cuter!? It has BOATS ON IT.

Engagement Party
Do not dress as though clubbing. Look nice. A non-floor-length cocktail dress will do the trick. Keep the accessories minimal; keep the shoes comfortable but appealing. You WILL be standing pretty much the entire time. Whether or not that standing happens in front of the dip is up to you. (But you know where to find me. Mmmm...dip.)

Funeral/Memorial Service
I can sense that I am bumming you out but the truth is these things come up and then we stare at our closets, not sure what to wear and also distraught, so it's good to have a go-to outfit or two that you don't have to think about too much. If you're close with the person and his or her beliefs include such a thing, you may have to also attend a viewing the night before. That means two outfits. Basically, nothing sexy (ever) (NOT EVER at a funeral), so watch your hem lines and watch your décolletage. Interesting stockings: yes. Fishnets: no. You don't have to wear black, but it's an easy choice. Dark or muted colors are fine - burgundy, grey, navy, whatever. Waterproof mascara and lipstick that won't "kiss off" as the commercials say. You'll probably kiss a lot of cheeks and cry some. It's okay.

Here's a trick for keeping your lipstick on a little longer. Put on your lipstick. Now blot three times on a tissue or square of toilet paper. (I prefer a square of toilet paper because it's big enough for the job and I don't feel as wasteful.) Now put on lipstick again. Blot three times again. Now put on lipstick again. Blot ONCE. Lightly dust your lips with some translucent powder and then press them together. This is not the way to get glassy lips but it is the way to have lipstick on for 5 hours.

Dinner with Significant Other's family
Meld engagement party with funeral. Nothing sexy, but something cute that fits you well. Make sure you can walk in your shoes or the first thing the family will think is, "this girl is an idiot." If you're me, you don't need your shoes to give them that impression when you’re nervous awkwardness can do it for you. The first time I met my ex’s family, it was during intermission of a play and I excused myself ten minutes into conversation because I thought the lights had flickered, signaling the end of intermission. I went back to my seat across the room and sat there, alone, while the lights stayed up and intermission went on for another ten minutes. I wanted to die.

Sibling graduation
Day dress. Comfortable but cute shoes. Waterproof mascara, in case the chorus of "Sunrise, Sunset" starts playing in your head when you see your little sister receive her Master’s degree. BRING GUM.

Clown Rodeo
Don't go to clown rodeos. That shit is creepy.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Project Rundown: Flintstone Disco Pouch

Welcome back to Project Runway! Season 9! ... that can't be right.

Just a reminder: there will definitely be spoilers, so don't get your snow pants in a twist. This year's excitement starts with Heidi acknowledging our fatigue after so many years of people getting thrown under buses and not being here to make friends. In a bit of a switch up Frau Klum, Our Little Orange Angel, NinaGarciaFashionDirectorforMarieClaireMagazine, and The Silver Fox Tim Gunn are going to do some last minute judging and then cut 4 people from the "final" lineup before a challenge even begins. They all look absolutely thrilled to be there. Let's meet the designers and find out what we need to know about them!


Postponed her wedding in Iceland to do Project Runway. You can smell her being cut from the moment those words escape her mouth. And yes, she's sent immediately back to her (now probably annoyed) fiancé.


The love child of Katt Williams and Prince. He loves his hair.


Pronounced Oliver. Has a fake British accent. His hair is roughly the same shade as mac and cheese.


Came from money and has attitudes about things! Tom and Lorenzo are calling her Blonde Kenley, which cannot be good.


My knee-jerk reaction favorite from the first moment.


She's sporty! She makes a LOT of outerwear! Hopefully she'll end up being one of those contestants who has no patience for the rest of these assholes.

Joshua M!

Is afraid that his bronzer is running when he cries. Seriously. He said, "Is my bronzer running?"

Joshua C!

On the verge of tears at all times and somehow... is straight? That can't be right.

Gunnar Deatherage!

All you have to know is that his name is Gunnar Deatherage. Even though he is immediately sent home, PR fans for years to come will speak with wonder that there was ever an almost-testant named Gunnar Deatherage.


What is actually amazing is that Fallene (Fallene, Fallene Falleeeeeeeeeeeene - I'm beggin of you please don't take my man) may have gotten the golden ticket onto the show because of the pants seen here. Which make her look like Mr. Tumnus. In a related story, Nina is losing her damn mind.


...made no impression on me whatsoever. Thankfully he was sent home immediately so I don't have to come up with anything clever to say about him.


I've now watched two episodes and every time the runway show starts and the title reads "Danielle" I'm like, who the hell is Danielle? And then they cut to her and I'm like, is she on the show?


Always looks like someone farted.


Aw, such a cute little hipster! I predict he'll be the first to drop the "not here to make friends" bomb. Or the "threw me under the bus" bomb.


He's got a hell of a lot of back story! Used to design for major houses, lost 2 friends and a partner to AIDS, became an alcoholic, dried out, and now he's on PR introducing himself as 102 years old.


Her name is Becky Ross. It is physically impossible for me not to read her name as Betsy Ross.


Former Miss Trinidad. Learned to sew in the cab on the way to the first day of filming.


He makes a lot of OMG faces. I imagine that two years ago all of his friends got really sick of him constantly exclaiming "I DIE! THAT IS BANANAS!"


The judges immediately sniff out her wishy-washy fears and cut her. Goodbye, Amanda PrettyHair, goodbye.


He's gonna talk a lot of shit about a lot of people.

Okay, so once TSFTG and Heidi make a terribly dramatic deal out of cutting those 4 people and watching them drag their sad suitcases full of camera-ready outfits out of the warehouse space, they have the traditional champagne toast. But with a twist! Heidi gets drunk and flubs her lines. Fantastic. I love you, Klum.

And we're back at Atlas this year! Yay! Everyone settles in and tries to make small talk. One of the girls says something about how she will make breakfast for everyone, and you can basically hear the entire viewing population condescend to her as one, "Oh honey. That's a cute idea."

And then it is 5 AM and TSFTG is letting himself into their apartments unannounced, telling them to get up, grab their top sheet, and meet him outside in their pajamas. Tim Gunn! It is not cool to just go into someone's room when they are asleep! You don't want to be confused with a creepy sparkle vamp, do you?

So everyone walks through Manhattan at 5 AM in their pajamas, some with makeup smeared across their face, some cursing the day they signed up for a reality competition show that would wake them up and put them on camera before they had time to reapply bronzer. They walk past Bryant Park, which will soon hold the tent where the finalists show their collections. So they all have to be like "oooh, Bryant Park," when it's really just some concrete and trees at the moment. And then they're at Parsons The New School for Design.

And here's where we feel the truth of how long we've been watching PR. As they walk in, one of the designers starts to talk about the ghosts of the designers before them who have used this room, these sewing machines. And it IS sort of nice and sort of weird to remember back to all of those people we grew to hate and/or love walking into Parsons on their first challenge. (Except for the dreadful season in LA, of which we will not speak.)

So! Challenge! Make something out of the clothes on your back plus that sheet you just slept under. You have a day! Here are your model measurements! (If you've ever seen the show before you'll know that the model measurements are inaccurate and that you shouldn't really finish anything before they come in for a fitting! *FORESHADOWING*) Here are some scrubs you can wear since you'll be using your current clothing for the challenge! You're all going to look adorable as you bitch and moan!

And then TSFTG tosses an obligatory and kind of half-hearted "Make it work" over his should on his way back to his apartment for a nap before he comes back to tell everyone that he is concerned. I hate that he now has to say “make it work” all the time. It’s lost its magic. Oh! When TSFTG does come back after his nap, he sees that Rafael has not yet made use of his headscarf - the only actually interesting piece of fabric on his body. Rafael is afraid to take it off because he is clearly aware that he is on TV and does not want to look like a disaster on the first episode of PR. Understandable, sure, but Nina's not going to want to hear it. She'll give you that look.

You think I do this for my health? Take off your headscarf.

Anya is all "I've never dyed fabric! I've never sewn silk! I must be so silly to try this on the first challenge!" and I have to call a little bit of bullshit on that. She's fine- everything gets done and everyone is satisfactorily impressed that she didn't know how to sew until 4 months ago. It's a great racket: say how little you know about a skill and then pull it off pretty well and people will think you just spun gold out of hay. I'm giving her the side-eye, though.

Not-gay-but-actually-gay Josh has made teeny tiny white shorts to his model's measurements and is like, "These will be tight - I hope they fit!" CLASSIC MISTAKE. Of course his model is bigger than her measurements and now he has to fix them and the little tank top he made. Just wait until you see what he does to fix them. Everyone goes to the Garnier hair studio and the Loreal Paris makeup room and every single designer sounds like an idiot describing what they want their models to look like. And every single person at home takes one look at the hair/makeup guy’s facial hair and thinks, “THAT’S what you’re going for? Huh.” And then it's time for the runway show!

First of all, your winner for the week: Bert!

So super cute and great! The clear winner, hands down. I do have to agree that the styling was WHACK, though. It made me think of this:

Nothing against Raquel, but that is kind of a dated look. Dated One Million Years B.C., BWAHAHAHAHA. Okay, I'll stop.


Adorable. It's simple, the collar is fantastic, I love it.


The fit of the top seems weird. Was the skirt sort of see-through? Or was that just me?


It looks like this model is dressed as a rain cloud in order to steal honey out of a tree. Laura was straight up wearing pink silk pajamas. And this is what she made. Tut tut, looks like rain.


When my parents had fancy dinners with cloth napkins when I was a kid, I used to love to play with the extras, draping them like a mini cape or tying them together and making a belt. I have found my kindred spirit!


Even though there is a clown puking rainbows into a toilet at the bottom of this dress, I think it's kind of cute. It's definitely a good way to establish your design asthetic.


That skirt is totally insane in a bad way. Was it designed to help someone shoplift a loaf of bread?


Awful. She called the pants snow pant-inspired at one point. They are more like raver pants - and poorly executed raver pants at that. And the shirt. Oh god, the shirt. This look just about kills me.

Bronzer Josh!

Too big on the top, too small on the bottom. Inexplicable blue thing in the middle. ZONK.


I actually quite like this. I like the proportions, the way the colors really shouldn't work but they do. Good job, girl I always forget is on the show!


Looks like something in the window display at Mandee.

Betsy Ross!

I think it's pretty cute. Maybe a tad too safe, but not a bad first showing. I don't really get the stripe down the front and back, but it's not offensive.


First he wanted to put fur over the vagina area and TSFTG thankfully talked him down from that one. But he counters with this? This weird, sad lace patch in the front and back? Our Little Orange Angel went into absolute raptures over this look and I just. don't. get. it. It's a tank top with some "notions" sewed on and a tube skirt with a gross lace patch. If this is what's going to qualify for "good" this season, I'm out.


How happy were you to hear TSFTG say notions!? I love the notions.



This look was also hugely praised, I think mostly because the judges bought her whole "I've never sewn pants before" thing. There are fit issues on top and bottom. Yes, the pants looked great on her model's butt, but look at the front. The inseam is INSANE. And the top doesn't fit. I don't know, I just think she rooked them.

Not-gay-actually-gay Josh!

Awful. Just absolutely awful. Look at the horrible fit on those shorts. And do you see where he added a panel in the tank top? And that ugly hoodie/shrug. Seriously? Who only wants the hood part of a hoodie? Nina said incredulously, "You're showing me shorts and a tank top?" And then she mentally slapped him across the face.

Ah, but this was not Josh's week to receive the fatal double kiss. No, no. Because this happened.


Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewww. What are those, like high-waisted equestrian jogging pants? And the shirt is awful with fit and construction issues. And look what he did with his headscarf! In the words of Michael Kors, "Flintstones disco pouch." Guest judge Christina Ricci tried to find something nice to say about this look, but then again last time we saw her she was starring in her own production of Kiss of the Spider Woman.

Rafael deserved the Auf this time, though I will be sad to see him go. He seemed to be a likeable character.