Monday, August 1, 2011

Today in abominations...

Seriously? Say Anything could get a sequel??? Enough is enough, Hollywood!

Listen, I am a 31 year old white lady originally from the suburbs. This means I am predisposed to like Say Anything. Good lord, John Cusack is unstoppably attractive in that movie. My boyfriend senior year of high school looked a bit like Cusack circa-Say Anything/Better Off know, the first wave Cusack glory years.

Oh man. With the Clash shirt. Guuuh.

For the record, the second wave Cusack glory years happened around Grosse Pointe Blank, perhaps the most underrated film of the Cusack canon.

Yes, still adorable.

Let's get back to the issue at hand: Say Anything II, Son of Dobler. If you actually read the article you can tell that this is not actually going to happen (unless it does), as Cameron Crowe says he "once" talked to John Cusack about it. But if it does happen (again, we can't rule out the possibility that fan response to this article will be so huge that it will be an instant green light), I am so not going to see that crap. Why?

Because I hate Lloyd Dobler.

There. I said it. John Cusack? Adorable. Lloyd Dobler? World's most annoying boyfriend. His entire goal in life is to be a good boyfriend? WRONG ANSWER. Okay, fine. You don't want to want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. Or sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. FINE. Kickboxing, sport of the future, seems to be a good option for you? Okay, let's go with that. I'm from the future, though, Lloyd and I'm here to tell you that kickboxing isn't going to cut it. You're going to have to venture into MMA to really be in the sport of the future.

Also, guys, how scary is MMA? I cannot make myself watch it. Boxing? Fantastic. Wrestling? Fun. MMA? TERRIFYING.

So, when we last saw Lloyd and Diane he was tagging along on her very exciting and scholarly trip to London. Where they clearly broke up, right? There is no way they got to London and she was off achieving her dreams and he was...hanging around the flat... and she didn't look at him one day with clear eyes and think, "What am I doing?" He's nice! Yes! He makes sure she doesn't step on glass and he supports her when her dad - SPOILER ALERT FROM 22 YEARS AGO - turns out to be a crook. But what else? We don't need a sequel to tell us that Lloyd Dobler never got over Diane Court and that he's going to make another attempt to win her heart. We know that story. We all know that guy. I just saved you $20 million, Hollywood. You're welcome.

If they do make a sequel (again, God, please no), I want to follow up on what happened to the guys at the Gas 'n' Sip. Bitches, man.

*PS - thanks to reader #3, Jayme, for sending me that article.


  1. Grosse Pointe Blank*

    *Still pretty much my favorite movie of all time.

    -The Bashionista

  2. Grosse Point Blank! Probably my fave Cusack movie, to this day.
    "I killed the President of Paraguay with a fork, how have you been?"
    Ah, classic.
    Also, I agree, two thumbs down on Lloyd Dobbler.

  3. I am sooper late to this party, but AMEN. I just rewatched part of this movie yesterday night and I was totally put off by his character now that I am a grown-ass woman. As a teenager, I thought Lloyd was what a boyfriend should be, but now...? Nope!