Because of this totally awesome post on The Hairpin about foods in movies and literature, I found out there is actually an Anne of Green Gables Cookbook. I obviously have to get that immediately. RASPBERRY CORDIAL!
Back to the original article, I agree with co-writer Emily that just once I want to try a Cheesy Blaster. It sounds kind of disgusting but also kind of awesome. Kind of like a Philly Taco, which is not at all a crude term for a vagina that boos at sports teams. A Philly Taco is when you go to South Street and wrap a cheesesteak from Jim's (which is really the best cheesesteak in Philly, don't let anyone tell you differently) in a slice of pizza from Lorenzo's down the street. Some people also throw a soft pretzel in the midddle of there too. I am hesitant to indulge in this taste sensation because I don't like Lorenzo's sweet tomato sauce. Oh right, also because it's like a million calories. That too.
My dear 6 readers, do you ever have the experience when you're eating something and you float outside of your body and think, I know I look so disgusting right now. Okay, I'm going to out myself. I live very close to Cheesesteak Alley and if I'm coming home late on a weekend night, I will totally stop at Pat's and get cheese fries. I will then pump the cheese fry cup full of ketchup, grab a napkin and a fork, and complete my walk home. It takes me exactly the same amount of time to walk to the corner of my block as it does to consume the ketchup-y cheese fries. And there is a trash can on that corner, so cleanup is very efficient! But let me tell you, I just know I look absolutely gross eating this delicious treat. Because it's Whiz and ketchup and I definitely only do this when I've had a couple of beers so sometimes I miss my mouth and slam the fries directly into my face. And then sometimes the napkin gets all gross with Whiz and so I'm not actually doing anything much more than just wiping MORE Whiz on my cheek. And then I get home and I'm like, why do I have a belly ache? And then I go directly to bed. And the greatest thing in the world for your body is to hibernate immediately after consuming about a billion calories. The other greatest thing in the world for your body is spending 8 hours with processed cheese sauce on your skin.
In a related story, when I was a kid and a teenager, adults used to tell me all the time that I was incredibly mature for my age.