Friday, July 11, 2014

2014 World Cup Coaches Fashion Rundown!

I cannot believe I'm saying this but BY POPULAR DEMAND I now give you the Way Too Shay fashion rundown of the 2014 World Cup coaches on the sidelines. Or field. Or whatever you say in soccer.

TRUE FACTS: My boyfriend is a big soccer dude and is totally into World Cup (for those wondering, he supports USA, England, and Germany) (apparently you say "supports" in soccer) (or whatever). Because of this, I have seen more than 20 minutes of soccer lately and it's not that bad. It will never be football to me, of course, but it's kind of fun. I've definitely noticed something, though... 

Football Coach:

Futbol Coach:

In short, these are some dapper gentlemen on the sidelines of soccer games  matches! Since I know nothing about any of this, we'll just go by country, yes? (PS, I'm sure I didn't get everyone, but here's a pretty nice sampling.)


Nice fit to the jacket... roomy enough for contemplative arm crossing if necessary, but not pulling. Very Italian.


A less successful fit in the jacket, but a moustache to be feared and envied. I would go with a deeper green tie next time - this color just washes him out.

Ivory Coast!

Very intense with the jacket, vest, and no tie. Let's see a slightly more casual sideline look...

Very nice, though I hate the collar. This is a coach who can rock a skinny tie. Well done, Ivory Coast.


While I appreciate the choice of a grey shirt over white, this shade of grey doesn't quite mesh with the color and fabric of the jacket. Also, those are the wrong frames for his face.

Costa Rica!

The fit is off and the colors for tie and shirt are ROUGH. 


Germany's coach favors a more relaxed sideline look, complete with watch AND fitbit. Unfortunately, this is his real hair. More unfortunately, if he were to move his hands, his head would completely detach from his body and roll away. It's not a risk Mr. Germany is willing to take.


The pants are a little roomy but I have no other complaints. Uruguay, you suave MFer.


Anthony Bourdain coaches the Greek soccer team.


Tie tacks can be your friend, sir! And haircuts.

The Netherlands!

Even though he's got some crazy Tom Wilkinson Playing Some Intense Character hair, I have to acknowledge and appreciate the beauty of the navy suit with perfect orange tie. It's a gorgeous look.


Almost every other coach is in a suit and this guy shows up in slacks and a polo. Isn't that just the story of America?


This is the most British-looking man I've ever seen outside of Mr. Bean. Also, the tie is a disaster.


A silver tie is almost never your friend, gentlemen. Almost never.


Quite literally, this is the only person who actually looks like he's coaching something. It's the jacket. And maybe a little bit of the yelling/dude curled at his feet. But mostly the jacket.


France coach is my #2 hunk coach of the World Cup. Love that navy suit - LOVE the hem on it. He's walking and it still looks appropriate, bless.


"But what about me?" says Ecuador. "Am I your #1 hunk coach?" No, Ecuador, you are not. Mostly because your suit is far far far too big on you. 


Cameroon just sort of looks drunk most of the time...

No, seriously.


Rethink the length of your sideburns, Belgium.


I absolutely adore this guy. He looks fantastic, the tie is pretty edgy for what we've seen on the sidelines here, and he seems like such a lovable curmudgeon. 



This is far too casual and ill-fitting, Brazil. You actually make USA look suave and that's ... not good. In the sportswear section of today's rundown, Nigeria gets first prize, I guess USA comes next, and then this sad getup. Cameroon, I award you no points.


Yo, Croatia's coach is FINE.

Yeah, keep coaching. Just like that. Mmmhmmm.

Croatia's coach is like Jon Stewart plus Joseph Gordon Levitt plus a little bit of Breckin Meyer with just a dash of Crispin Glover. I love you, Croatia's coach - you are my #1 hunk coach and your suits fit really well. But, you will never have my heart like...


I absolutely love this guy. His bright tie, his awesome hair, his facial expressions... he's unbelievably animated and amazing.

He also may or may not live in a van down by the river.