Thursday, June 12, 2014

Tony Awards 2014 Fashion Rundown: The WTF

It always seems a little sad when we come to the end of a fashion rundown, doesn't it? Luckily, this is the Tonys so the WTF category is far more whimsical and delightful than it usually is!


Fran Drescher!
You guys! Fran Drescher came to the Tonys dressed as Divine in Pink Flamingos! She also happens to be wearing some sort of sculpture as hair. Fran, I don't exactly know what you're doing but keep going. I'm loving this camp approach.

James Monroe Inglehart!
After I saw his performance as the Genie in Aladdin and they cut to him during the nomination announcement I thought, well yes of course he is wearing a sparkly tux... of course he is. I was not aware that sequined lapels were an option for, well, life. But I'm sure glad they are!

Estelle Parsons!
 Oh crap, you guys. Birnham Wood has come to Dunsinane.

You know what? If anyone is going to pull off a Barbie pink satin tux jacket, it's Ru. It is at once completely insane and fierce as hell.

Adriane Lenox!
Please try to imagine my glee when I saw that hat during the telecast. I may have even clapped giddily! What I didn't know then is that she paired it with a sheer orange trench and white booty shorts. Oh Adriane, I want you to come to every awards show. You are a treasure!

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Tony Awards 2014 Fashion Rundown: The Bad

For perhaps the first time in WTS history, almost half of our Bad entries are men. Okay, not half... but a few at least.


Chris O'Dowd and Dawn O'Porter!
You guys. No. With the green lamé disco shirt dress and the matching pocket square? I mean, Chris, obviously you know how to lose in style, but the two of you together? Forgive me, but it does sort of look like you were forced to go to a theme wedding taking place during the godforsaken Erin Express. (Also, I did a lot of research and I can confirm that, yes, that is Dawn's actual hair. That somehow seems worse than if it was a poorly styled wig.)

Linda Emond!
If Bette Midler's Oscars dress was a fancy cake on Pinterest, this would be a "close enough." Sadly, if we had never seen the Bette dress I might have liked this, but it doesn't even look good...from a distance. (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!?!)  It's simply not a flattering cut, and not a good enough color. Additionally, whoever is responsible for this eye makeup should be drawn and quartered. 

Maggie Gyllenhaal!
Damn it, Maggie. You looked so amazing at the Met Ball but you immediately turn around and wear some sort of artistic deconstructive representation of sheets and inside out pillows with a sad little dust ruffle at the bottom. Stop dressing like a bed!

Zach Braff!
THIS guy, amIright? Why do I feel like I got genital warts just from looking at this photo?

Celia Keenan-Bolger!
The fit is off, the hem is wonky, the color is bad, the shoes disappear, and the styling is virtually nonexistent. I cannot think of a single nice thing to say.

Fantasia and Patti LaBelle!
Love this color on Fantasia, but that is basically the gown version of a terrycloth robe. In fact, I think I used to have one of those in that color. It didn't sparkle but it was pretty similar. Patti looks like she had no idea there would be a fireworks display going off on her cloak. Because, my dear readers, if it has a collar popped like that and a train that long to it - that is not a coat, it is a cloak. Also, I feel like our Patti looks a bit... freshened, yes? I just wish she had not borrowed Dawn O'Porter's hair.

Orlando Bloom!
Oh girl, oh no. No no no.

Kate Mara!
I don't know why I even try with this one. It's not worth putting her on probation because she will never get out of it. At the Met Ball she wore dusty old wallpaper. To the Tonys she wore an Uglydoll. At least her makeup looks good.

Cherry Jones!
Cherry Jones heard there was going to be a weird (cool? I don't know, I keep going back and forth) moment devoted to rapping The Music Man and decided to dress in theme. Oh Cherry. I want so much more for you... starting with your hair.

Jessie Mueller!
Oh dear god. The cut is unflattering, the color doesn't exist, it's a borderline muppet-fur skirt, it could most definitely use a necklace and it doesn't fit! Jessie! Girl, you deserve so much better! You are charming and talented! Get a better dress! Quite honestly, I wish she had worn that cute blue and white costume from the "I Feel the Earth Move" number.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Tony 2014 Fashion Rundown: The Meh

I think we're going to have a fight.


Audra McDonald!
Audra herself is fabulous perfection, but this look is not. I don't mind the print on the dress all that much but the black beadwork accents are totally off-putting for me. It's the first thing that catches my eye and I cannot get past it. Also, if that hairdo isn't a cry for help, I don't know what is. Overall, this look is an Almost - it could have been great but it's just sort of deflated.

Zachary Quinto!
This is not the tux for you, pretty boy. That vest makes it look like someone just gave you an atomic wedgie. The sweaty hair isn't helping. However, I am living for those shoes.

Kelli O'Hara!
Snoooooooze. Snoozeville, population 1. Snoozefest. Snoozapalooza.

Beth Behrs!
Let's fix this look. Try it with a boat neck, a cap sleeve, ditch that godawful bow thing in the middle, get a much flashier bracelet, and do a low side chignon. That would be a great use of this fabulous skirt. Otherwise it's gala awards partytime on the bottom and cocktails on the roofdeck on a Tuesday up top.

Carol King (seen here with Jessie Mueller who we will most certainly address in a different post)!
Reader Jessica said it best: it was a Chico's kind of day. PS, it was difficult to find a photo of Ms. King.  PPS, I have listened to Tapestry at least once a month since I was 13. No regrets.

Wayne Brady!
I can't quite put my finger on what it is, but something is off about this look. I think it's actually the tie. The suit is cut well, if a skosh too snugly (I mean, dude, I can see your junk outline - joutline), and I tend to like a navy tux. Maybe it's the sheen of the tux plus the confusing texture of the tie? It didn't look great on camera, either. It's a definite Meh for me, Wayne.

Anna Gunn!
The dress is half an inch too long, the top is too big in the shoulders, the neckline detail (is it a necklace?) overwhelms, and that is a rookie level bag choice. Combined with the sad hair and understated makeup, this look comes off as tired and all one color.

Sarah Greene!
Sarah thought she's pop over to the Tonys after attending her friend's bridal shower that afternoon. It's cute but, girl, if you wanna be a winner you gotta dress like a winner.

Tina Fey!
This is like a masterclass in how styling can ruin a look. The dress? Unbelievable. Absolutely gorgeous, dramatic, fits like a dream. The makeup I won't knock because we know our Tina comes off better with understated eyes - but I would have liked a different lip color. But, GAH, that hair! No Tina! You are not suited to the scraped back look that some, like, say, Juliana Margulies rocks on occasion. Imagine this with soft, full waves and maybe a little sideswept bang. Imagine this with a NECKLACE. I'm not asking for much: just some hair and ice.

Daniel Radcliffe and Erin Darke!
Charter School for the Arts Senior Prom 2014.

Idina Menzel!
Why does Adele always look like she wants to fucking murder everyone? I like the dress okaaaay. I don't know. I definitely like the top of the dress better than the bottom - the construction looks slightly shoddy on those two seams that go down the thighs. But the top, even, gives me some pause because it looks so much like her boobs are wrapped in an extremely elaborate bow. Dig the styling, though,

Lucy Liu!
Definitely wins the award for biggest disappointment. I was counting on Lucy to smoke these jokers in the fashion category but she came wearing... this. The bodice is far too tight, the hair is far too 2007, and those shoes are not good enough to show off with a gross mullet hem. I hate the mullet hem trend so much you guys. SO MUCH. I really want to love this dress and on paper it is pretty great... it's just half a size too small and styled all wrong. Love the bag. Love the ice.

Until tomorrow, let us all agree: a little ice on the clavicle goes a long way.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Tony Awards Fashion Rundown 2014: The Good

Well yesterday was quite the day! It was Pride here in Philly AND I got to see The Kids in the Hall live (fulfilling a childhood dream) AND it was the best of all possible awards shows: The Tony Awards. As a theatre kid, the Tonys have always been the most exciting awards ceremony for me - I love seeing the performances, rooting for my favorites, and at least once in the evening being absolutely horrified that something like THAT could possibly be on Broadway (cough*Rocky*cough) (seriously... what is going on with that show). Lately, the Tonys have taken on a different kind of excitement - last year someone I actually know was nominated! Someone from my alma mater worked on multiple shows nominated and was thanked by name (way to go Buist)! But the thing about the Tonys that always seems not quite right is, well, the fashion. Let's see what we got, shall we?


Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness!
Let's start with the man of the hour. I sort of feel meh about Hugh Jackman usually... until he does his Broadway thing. The guy is amazingly talented and immensely charming. His tux is beautifully cut (though it looks weird here because he insists on touching his wife for some reason). Deborra-Lee, for her part, looks better than she ever has (remember that furry thing [scroll down to the BAD]). She loves this neckline, but this time it's working for her. Well done, you two, but especially Hugh.

Judith Light!
Looking fabulous and fierce.

Jonathan Groff!
Appropriate almost to a fault. I adore this kid. When is he going to be in another show? (PS, Groff, I loved your little nod to the Adele Dazeem snafu... nicely played.)

Patricia Clarkson!
Woooof! Hello nurse! Could use a necklace, but other than that, perfect perfect.

Anika Noni Rose!
Let's be real: this should not work. But! It does! The styling is perfection - hair is simple, makeup is flawless, shoes are not distracting - she just let the dress be the star... other than her smile. Anika! That smile!

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka!
David always has to do a print, doesn't he? This is far less horrifying than the Met Ball idea and, to be honest, they look incredible. Perfect fits, great shoes. Also, I'm watching the Awards as I watch this (obvs I DVR'd so I could watch it a bunch) and holy mother of god I need a ticket to Hedwig like TOMORROW.

Emmy Rossum!
Glamorous with an edge. Usually Emmy bores the hell out of me, but I'm digging this. Bringing old school washingboard realness.

Lena Hall!
Let's say you play a man in a show. And you're so good at it you win a Tony for it....What do you wear to the Awards? Vamp-tastic goth couture? Why yes! I adore this. Maybe I would have pulled the hair back, but whatever. This dress is a dream.

Sophie Okonedo!
Gorgeous and dramatic and it looked amazing on camera. Well done, Sophie!

Rosie O'Donnell (seen here with Michelle Rounds)!
Rosie looks better than she ever has. Seriously - this doesn't even look underdressed. It's just sublime on her.

Sutton Foster!
Sure it's about to go tits ahoy, but this is a GOWN. She looks stunning. I love the gold paired with it - that warms it up and gives it a bit of sophistication. Guys, at some point Sutton Foster has to age... right? WHEN!?

Vera Farmiga!
Well, well, well. It looks like I was wrong: Vera Farmiga IS capable of looking fantastic and wearing something suited to a star instead of something borrowed from a washed up hooker from the OK Corral. I stand corrected.

Bryan Cranston and Robin Dearden!
Fantastic. Just wonderful. The polka dot bowtie is a great and playful addition to an otherwise standard tux. Robin looks outstanding, yes? I wanted to highlight this because this is exactly the dress I want Mayim Bialik to wear. Mayim, are you listening? This would look stunning on you! Call Robin Dearden!