Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Tony 2014 Fashion Rundown: The Meh

I think we're going to have a fight.


Audra McDonald!
Audra herself is fabulous perfection, but this look is not. I don't mind the print on the dress all that much but the black beadwork accents are totally off-putting for me. It's the first thing that catches my eye and I cannot get past it. Also, if that hairdo isn't a cry for help, I don't know what is. Overall, this look is an Almost - it could have been great but it's just sort of deflated.

Zachary Quinto!
This is not the tux for you, pretty boy. That vest makes it look like someone just gave you an atomic wedgie. The sweaty hair isn't helping. However, I am living for those shoes.

Kelli O'Hara!
Snoooooooze. Snoozeville, population 1. Snoozefest. Snoozapalooza.

Beth Behrs!
Let's fix this look. Try it with a boat neck, a cap sleeve, ditch that godawful bow thing in the middle, get a much flashier bracelet, and do a low side chignon. That would be a great use of this fabulous skirt. Otherwise it's gala awards partytime on the bottom and cocktails on the roofdeck on a Tuesday up top.

Carol King (seen here with Jessie Mueller who we will most certainly address in a different post)!
Reader Jessica said it best: it was a Chico's kind of day. PS, it was difficult to find a photo of Ms. King.  PPS, I have listened to Tapestry at least once a month since I was 13. No regrets.

Wayne Brady!
I can't quite put my finger on what it is, but something is off about this look. I think it's actually the tie. The suit is cut well, if a skosh too snugly (I mean, dude, I can see your junk outline - joutline), and I tend to like a navy tux. Maybe it's the sheen of the tux plus the confusing texture of the tie? It didn't look great on camera, either. It's a definite Meh for me, Wayne.

Anna Gunn!
The dress is half an inch too long, the top is too big in the shoulders, the neckline detail (is it a necklace?) overwhelms, and that is a rookie level bag choice. Combined with the sad hair and understated makeup, this look comes off as tired and all one color.

Sarah Greene!
Sarah thought she's pop over to the Tonys after attending her friend's bridal shower that afternoon. It's cute but, girl, if you wanna be a winner you gotta dress like a winner.

Tina Fey!
This is like a masterclass in how styling can ruin a look. The dress? Unbelievable. Absolutely gorgeous, dramatic, fits like a dream. The makeup I won't knock because we know our Tina comes off better with understated eyes - but I would have liked a different lip color. But, GAH, that hair! No Tina! You are not suited to the scraped back look that some, like, say, Juliana Margulies rocks on occasion. Imagine this with soft, full waves and maybe a little sideswept bang. Imagine this with a NECKLACE. I'm not asking for much: just some hair and ice.

Daniel Radcliffe and Erin Darke!
Charter School for the Arts Senior Prom 2014.

Idina Menzel!
Why does Adele always look like she wants to fucking murder everyone? I like the dress okaaaay. I don't know. I definitely like the top of the dress better than the bottom - the construction looks slightly shoddy on those two seams that go down the thighs. But the top, even, gives me some pause because it looks so much like her boobs are wrapped in an extremely elaborate bow. Dig the styling, though,

Lucy Liu!
Definitely wins the award for biggest disappointment. I was counting on Lucy to smoke these jokers in the fashion category but she came wearing... this. The bodice is far too tight, the hair is far too 2007, and those shoes are not good enough to show off with a gross mullet hem. I hate the mullet hem trend so much you guys. SO MUCH. I really want to love this dress and on paper it is pretty great... it's just half a size too small and styled all wrong. Love the bag. Love the ice.

Until tomorrow, let us all agree: a little ice on the clavicle goes a long way.


  1. I think Zachary Quinto would like to know if you would like some fresh black pepper on your salad.

  2. I didn't see Ru yet - you can't possibly have put that magenta jacket in the bad, did you?

  3. Wayne Brady has too many different shades of black going on, and then he puts them with navy. I just don't know about you, Wayne.