Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2014 Year in Review: THE WTF

My dear  readers, we come now to the end of another year together. Who knew when we began this year just how many athletic cut tops we'd see?! I wonder what next year will bring. HOPEFULLY next year brings us many frocks and looks as delightfully Shay as these. These were definitely Too Shay.


Katy Perry and Riff Raff at the VMAs!
Absolutely the most delightful homage to terrible fashion. I will forever love Katy Perry for this. I will forever not know who Riff Raff is except as "the guy who did the denim suit homage."

Kiki at the Met Ball!
This is the WTF entry I whole-heartedly loved. It's weird, it's wonderful, and Kiki rocked it.

Pharrell and friends at the Oscars!
Awwww, you guyyyyys! This is before we knew how very very sick of that song we would get! I love this. I love the shorts, I love the floppy bow on the ladyfriend, I love the MATCHING FLOPPY BOW on the stunned looking woman in the background, I just love it all.

Rita Moreno at the SAGs!
She is a treasure.

Sandra Lee at the Met Ball!
HAHAHAHA I totally forgot about the fairy godmother saddlebag extravaganza and I am so delighted to see it again! Honestly, I think the gloves are what make it art.

Yael Stone at the Emmys!
I mean, really.... WTF IS GOING ON HERE?!

Lupita Nyong'o at the Met Ball!
Remember that time when Lupita dressed as a mardi gras float but also as the decor in a tacky seafood restaurant? It would be tragic if it wasn't so hilarious.

Emma Watson at the Golden Globes!
Emma Watson deceived us!!!!


Adriane Lenox at the Tonys!
No deception here, just some white formal shorts, a chiffon rain coat, and a decorative gourd as a hat.

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka at the Met Ball!
I stand by my original statement: they are dressed as marionettes in shrunken clothes. These suits have actually appeared in my nightmares this year. I'm dead serious.

Lena Dunham at the Emmys!
Lena went to the Emmys dressed as a you do.

Finally, my friends, let us not forget that we experienced something together that wasn't terrible but wasn't good and definitely did not make sense. I ask that you never forget....

Paula Patton at the Golden Globes!

Happy new year, WTS Nation! Remember: don't have anyone else's type of fun tonight, only your own. And also remember that while it is the appropriate season for a velvet gown, they so seldom look to skip it.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

2014 Year in Review: THE BAD

Ah, 2014. The year that saw Julie Bowen and Sarah Paulson go on probation. FINALLY. The year that Cate Blanchett dressed as a valet key case for the Oscars. The year that Edie Falco was incapable of wearing something, anything that fit. The year that man buns were A Thing. The year that Jared Leto toured his Rock and Roll Jesus getup to all the award shows. The year that Julia Roberts wore an aquarium as a dress. Yes, it's been quite a year. In no particular order, here are perhaps not the worst of the worst but definitely the looks that stuck in my mind.


Alexa Chung at the Met Ball!
The cop's face in the background just sort of says it all, huh? This is one of the ugliest dresses I think I've ever seen.

Kate Mara at the Tonys!
I still think this dress looks like one of those Ugly Dolls.

Taylor Swift at the VMAs!
Every time I hear "Blank Space" I picture her in this uncomfortunate onesie. It's kind of ruining that song for me.

Sally Hawkins at the Golden Globes!
Grandma Sal was one of the most memorable looks of the year for me. Not in a good way.

Christina Hendricks at the Emmys!
When La Hendricks strays from Christian Siriano, things get bad. Like bitter-sexy-aunt-at-a-wedding bad.

Solange at the Met Ball!
Straight up, Solange's wedding was one of my top three fashion moments of the year but before that came this: the giant peach vagina dress of our nightmares.

Malin Ackerman at the SAGs!
You know, it's been almost a whole year since I saw this dress and I still can't figure out why anyone would wear it. It's like a macrame plant hanger gone terribly wrong.

Anna Kendrick at the Oscars!
This might actually be my least favorite gown of the year, as well as one of the most memorable. Who could possibly forget the kitchen backsplash torso of doom? She definitely got Patton'd for this.


In going through my files, my dear readers, I was reminded of one of my favorite non-celebrity fashion events of the year: the girl in the blue dress in the background of half the Golden Globe photos. And so I present to you


Just arriving on the scene, not worried about Ariel Winter....

Obviously too busy to acknowledge Aubrey Plaza's middle school style...

Purposely ignoring Robin Wright's ho hum look...

Trying not to laugh...

And the, like the rest of us, giving up on life upon seeing Naomi Watts. 

I love you, Girl In Blue.

Monday, December 29, 2014

2014 Year in Review: THE GOOD

My dear readers! I have not forgotten about you! Once again I find myself at the end of the year, eager to reflect on what we've been through together. 2014 was quite a year for fashion, no? We lost Joan and Oscar but we found Lupita. Mindy Kaling got a new stylist (thank god) and Amy Adams tried to go "slinky" 40 times to no avail. Lena Dunham wore a muppet that one time, no one knocked our socks off at the Tonys, and we quickly grew weary of the McConaissance.

Let's celebrate the final three days of 2014 by recapping the Best, the Worst, and the Most WTF. (There is no need to highlight the Most Meh - that would be so boring. You deserve better.) For you, today, I have a baker's dozen of my favorite looks of the year in no particular order except that the best ones are last (Spoiler Alert: Lupita, Lupita, Lupita).


Croatia's Coach in the World Cup!
I'll bet you forgot about my #1 hottie of the World Cup, didn't you? Ugh, I love this guy. Looking good, Croatian Coach!

Alison Williams at the Emmys!
Shockingly good and a big departure for her style-wise. Let's hope she continues in this vein for the upcoming Golden Globes.

Liu Wen at the Met Ball!
Showstopping drama in construction and color.

Cate Blanchett at the SAGs!
Again, I die. This dress cost me a thousand deaths.

Janelle Monae at the Met Ball!
Absolutely perfection from head to toe.

Oprah at the SAGs!
This is how I always want to picture Oprah when I think of her. Fabulous, fabulous.

Charlize Theron at the Met Ball!
Bow down! This is the height of Charlize.

Uzo Aduba at the Emmys!
Bow down again! Here we see the moment Uzo stepped directly into the spotlight.

Karolina Kurkova at the Met Ball!
I think this is the best dress of the year. I will never tire of looking at this masterpiece. I, for one, cannot wait to see what Karolina wears to the Met Ball next year.

Lupita Nyong'o at the Oscars!
Fairy tale princess - by this point in the awards season, you'll remember that we were all salivating, waiting for a showstopping look... no disappointment here. Gorgeous to the max.

Lupita Nyong'o at the SAGs!
This is the dress that made me start expecting excellence from her, style-wise. Shouldn't work, totally does. THAT is real fashion.

and finally....

Lupita Nyong'o at the Golden Globes!
Here it is: the moment America leaned forward and said, "Who is SHE!?"  Lupita, thank you for making this year in fashion so much fun!

Friday, October 31, 2014

Sexy ____ Costume Round-Up 2014: PART 2!!!!!!

We're back and ready for round 2! For those of you who are just joining us, round 1 can be found here. We have a bunch of categories and Sexy ___ costumes to cover, so let's jump in!


Sexy Gladiator!
Roman history or cocktail waitress at Caesar's Palace? Tough call. Especially considering the detail on the bust.

Sexy Cleopatra!
Do not be in deNILE (see what I did there?) - that skirt is sheer. Once again, points for the bust detail.


Sexy Cop!
21 Hump Street, amIright ladies!?  By the way, how is it possible we haven't had a Sexy Cop in the roundup before this year?

Sexy Lumberjack!
Wear this outfit and your night will feature pickup lines such as:
"You look like you know how to handle some mighty wood."
"What's the opposite of 'timber' cause this wood isn't falling down."
"I have wood."

Sexy Maid!
Guys, do you think that apron really keeps her skirt clean? Can we call it a skirt? Spoiler alert: it's basically just a thong in the back, so no.

Sexy Cowgirl!
True story: my roommate goes as a cowgirl every year for H'ween and this year I convinced her to be a rhinestone cowboy. I think I know what I'm going to try to convince her to wear next year! The best part of this is that there are no pants, but a kerchief... in case your neck gets cold?

Sexy Bellydancer!
I had a hard time deciding whether this should be under professions or racism, but since I know at least two people who are professional bellydancers, I decided to categorize it here. That doesn't mean you can't also consider it racist, especially since the product is called Gypsy Belly Shaker. Also, BELLY SHAKER.


Sexy Hula Girl!
Don't dress up like other cultures for H'ween. It's gross. That said, the construction of the skirt makes it unclear to me if this is meant to be a dashboard "hula girl" or an actual human "hula girl."

Sexy Native American!
Oh girl, oh no. No no no.

Sexy Geisha 1!
This is not good.

Sexy Geisha 2!
This is even worse. You guys, if you wear any of these costumes you're really just dressing up as a Sexy Idiot Jerk.

Sexy Fortune Cookie!
Similar to Sexy Belly Shaker, I debated whether this should go under racism or food, since it's both. But since it includes the words Enjoy Me and (of course) the chopsticks as part of headpiece, I decided it should probably stay here. The fun part about this costume is the vaginal headpiece. Please look at that and try to tell me it's not a vulva. You can't can you? Because it's definitely a vulva. On your head.


Sexy Hamburger!
I like mine with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57 and french fried potatoOne million points to the model for this pose. I call it, "See? I'm a hamburger!"

Sexy Taco!
Sexy. Taco. Ladies, PLEASE do not dress as a sexy taco. Dressing as a regular taco will be just as hilarious and awful. (h/t to Reader Crystal for the regular taco costume)

Sexy Wine!
Let's be real here: this is an ugly, terrible costume. It's not clever, it's not sexy in any way, and it both SAYS what it is on the costume and has a PICTURE of what it is. Surely no one would dress up like a beverage?

Sexy Jaegermeister!
This just in from the department of poor life choices...

Sexy Ronald McDonald!
This is my favorite Sexy ____ costume of the year. I cannot help but look at it with a mixture of revulsion and absolutely hysterical laughter. I would wear this every Halloween if someone bought it for me. It's AMAZING.


Sexy Jellyfish!
This is absolutely astounding. I can't tell if I like the sheer mesh bodysuit or the eyes/nipples better. It's available in multiple colors, you guys.

Sexy Lobster!
Hope she doesn't make out with the wrong person tonight otherwise she'll be in...

Reaction GIF: sunglasses, Horatio Caine, David Caruso, CSI: Miami


Sexy Lobster  - Jazz Hands Edition!
Add a lab coat and you're Sexy Dr. Zoidberg. Why not Zoidberg?

Sexy Beaver!

Sexy Pig!
Nope, no way. I refuse to believe that any woman in the world would every dress up as a Sexy Pig -EVEN IF they are trying to be Sexy Miss Piggy, which we all know is redundant anyway. SEXY PIG YOU GUYS.

and finally we come to the final category....


Sexy Solar System!
The only acceptable reason to wear this is in a pairs costume where the other person is Neil deGrasse Tyson. And even then, I feel like you should dress up like Pluto and hold a sign that says "Why don't you like me?" That would be way adorable.

Sexy Tetris!
It's "interactive" which is code for "jerks touching your junk all night." I truly don't understand why one would dress up like Tetris in this way. A better idea would be a group costume where everyone is one of the different shapes and then when it's time to leave you all fit together to form a line and then disappear from the party. 

You know, there are two types of people at Halloween: those who want to look hot and those who want to have a good costume. Guess which one I am?
Yes, that's me circa middle school - some kids worried about sitting at the cool table, I worried about whether my old lady costume was authentic enough.

Sexy Three Boob Lady!
Ah, topical humor.

Sexy Egyptian Cat!
This is an extremely specific Sexy Cat costume. Extremely specific and extremely wtf?!

Sexy WWII Missile!
Probably actually worth it for the bra, right? That's some Katy Perry level bra-ness there.

Sexy Toddlers and Tiaras!
Oh for the love of JonBenet. There are some Sexy ___ costumes that are in poor taste but this is double bad because it's sexualizing further the reality of sexualized small children. If this doesn't make you actually angry, I don't know what will. 

and finally, I cannot cover Halloween 2014 without acknowledging

Sexy Ebola Containment Suit!
Let's just take a moment to recognize the fact that Yandy does not carry a Sexy Ebola Containment Suit. If it's too tasteless for Yandy, you know you've truly gone too far.

Happy Halloween, everyone! Be careful out there!