Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Important Fashion News

My dear readers,

we just witnessed the return of the business suit and sneakers look. It's on!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Tony Awards 2013: The WTF!

Okay, I still have 10 minutes left on my lunch hour, so let's bust this out, shall we? Please remember that WTF can be good or bad. Usually bad, though, right?


Alan Cumming! 
Boyfriend knows how to make a sartorial statement, doesn't he? The suit is exquisitely tailored and I love the boldness of an all-white ensemble... but at the same time I have to say that he reminds me strongly of a Q-tip wearing a bowtie. (Not to be confused with Q-Tip wearing a bowtie.)

Laurie Metcalf!
Oh, that Aunt Jackie, always wearing wall sconces as dresses.

and finally.... oh my god... it's so good...

Cicely Tyson!

In the words of reader Mandy, she is wearing the inside of a coffin.

Tony Awards 2013: The Bad!

No, seriously. Get a cup of tea - you will want comfort.


Judith Light!
I'm not sure who told Judith Light that white was her color, but I'll have their heads. Also, the hem on that dress is a sin. Additionally, I understand the desire for a little breeze on the armpits but the cutouts are TOO MUCH. Ugh, ANGela. You're killing me.

Valisia LaKae!
One rose on the shoulder: okay. A rose on the shoulder and a rose on the waist: well, that's a lot. A rose on the shoulder, a rose on the waist, a rose on the knee: now you're just being silly. This is the stiffest, silliest dress I think I've ever seen.

Laura Osnes!
Question: What in the name of Ascot Opening Day is happening here!? Answer: Far, far too much.

Kathleen Turner!
Kath, I love you but this is a matronly, ill-fitting, unflattering mess. (Props to the girl behind Kath for being able to stand even though she apparently has no feet. Proud of you, lady!)

Holland Taylor!
And that's why you never sit in the limo. Oh Holland. the color is all wrong, the shiny fabric and unfortunate pulls on the hem makes it look cheap, and the matchy-matchy shoes and bag do nothing to help matters. Girl, I adore you, but this is all wrong.

Megan Hilty (seen here with her very handsome boyfriend)!
Oof. It looks like a mermaid threw up on her.

Sally Field!
Not the most flattering shape for our gal Sal. Color is great, of course. But why do I feel like she's going to get drunk and flash me her boob later in the night? Don't you boob threaten me, Sally Field!

Krysta Rodriguez!
This dress is confusing and not at all flattering, other than the color. And why is it piped in teal? And what is happening with the big curtain shoulder? And why is it too tight in the abdomen? And why did she choose this dress out of every dress in the world? The mind reels.

Tom Sturridge (seen here with Sienna Miller)!
You want to see me angry? Wear a hat and a face full of sad scruff to the Tonys. Works like a charm!


Debra Messing!

No! Debra! No! We have discussed this: black is not your color so please refrain. A topknot is not your friend so please refrain. Let's add to the list: a twee little mid-century dress does absolutely nothing for your figure, especially if it's hitting below the knee. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!?

Monday, June 24, 2013

Tony Awards 2013: The Meh!

Sorry about the delay, my dear readers - things have been nutty.


Laura Benanti!

The color is beautiful on her but it looks like she trying to hold the top together with some fancy painter's tape. Memo to Laura: the painter's tape isn't working and your dress is about to go tits ahoy!

Victoria Clark!

Snoooooooooooooooze. Not a great color on her and I sincerely wish she had improved her undergarments.

Jake Gyllenhaal!
I enjoy a beared Jake, but once we get past the chin, it all falls apart. The tux simply doesn't fit. It's about a half an inch too long in the sleeves and probably half a size too big in the chest. Unfortunate, because usually our Jake does formal wear well.

Patina Miller!
This was a hard call for me. During the telecast I loved this and, in fact, argued somewhat loudly at the bar that this was a wonderful dress. HOWEVER. Upon closer inspection, I think it's a fantastic dress with an unfortunate chastity bow in the the front. That ruching is focus-pulling in a detrimental way. Sooo close to being out of the park fabulous, though.

Patricia Clarkson!
On a design level, I understand what we're going for here. On a person-looking-at-this-dress level, all I can see is a subtle homage to the Atari gaming system.

Cuba Gooding Jr.!

2013: The year Cuba Gooding Jr. gave up. I'm afraid that this IS as good as it gets. (SEE WHAT I DID THERE??)

Sigourney Weaver!
I'm not going to quibble about the dress on her because it is a gorgeous color and her hair and makeup look great. I am going to quibble, however, about the fact that she has worn variations of this exact dress to just about every red carpet appearance (except for when she wore the trash bag backwards that one time) in the last three years. I am DONE with the ol' one shoulder on her!

Scarlett Johansson!
ScarJo, there is a time and a place to mourn the fact that you were snubbed by Tony voters. It is not AT the Tonys!

Harvey Fierstein!
Oh, Harv. We all love you just so much but you're totally ruining the outfit with your choice of shoes. Not only are they far too casual, they are additionally far too matchy-matchy. Oh, Harv.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Tony Awards 2013: The GOOD!

Oh how I love the Tony Awards! The singing, the dancing, the absolutely horror while watching an excerpt from Bring It On: The Musical, and how I wish I was kidding that such a thing actually exists. Now remember, our typical Tony red carpet denizens are not usually seasoned red carpet professionals so we need to cut them a bit of slack. That said, some of the fashions we saw last night are inexcusable! Let's go on with the show!


Rob McClure and Maggie Lakis!
It was absolutely thrilling to cheer for Rob last night (he's a Philly theatre kid afterall) and Maggie looked so beautiful!She looked perfect on camera. As for Rob, excellent work on the length of your hem and sleeves. Good fit to the suit. Thank god! I would have hated to slam these two.

Neil Patrick Harris (seen here with David Burtka)!
Let me be quite clear: I am not sold on the fabric of NPH's tux and I hate the color of the bowtie with a passion but it's so exquisitely cut in the vest and jacket I actually don't care about my minor quibbles. Also, David is the cutest and I love his suit.

Jane Lynch!
BLAMMO. This! Oh man, Jane Lynch, you made me so happy. You look PERFECT. Chic, sophisticated, sexy, and would you look at that necklace!? Bless.

 Bernadette Peters!
As far as Bucketmouth goes, it's fairly standard but she knows what works and she works it. Does this woman have the best surgeon in the land or does she just never age?!

Zachary Levi!
Truth: beards make dudes 80% hotter. I never really got it with this guy until I saw this and ... hello nurse! It's a damn shame he has his hands in his pockets because it makes his pants look a smidge too short. Gentlemen, learn from this! Otherwise, it's just absolutely gorgeously fit to him. Well done all around, but especially the beard.

Martha Plimpton!
This was probably my favorite dress of the night. It was sexy without being sexual, and our Martha looks great in red. I don't even want to know how much boob tape she was wearing. Well done, Martha! You've been really dressing well lately!

Andrew Rannells!
How adorable is Andrew Rannells!? Everything about his suit is perfection, to boot!

Shalita Grant!
I went back and forth on this one, but in the end I think it's a really cool dress and her makeup looks fantastic. Next time you wear this, though, Shalita, get a new bra; your boobs look weird.

Jane Krakowski!
THANK YOU. This is exactly what I've been hoping you'd wear on basically every red carpet for the last 3 years. You look perfect.

Anna Kendrick!
Straight up, absolutely nothing about this dress should work but all of it does. That is the definition of wearing the dress instead of it wearing you. I hate black and navy together! I hate sheer panels! I hate weird breast sashes! But! I looooove this on her. It does't hurt that her hair and makeup are flawless.

Rita Wilson (seen here with OMG DID YOU SEE TOM HANKS' MUSTACHE)!
Remember how beards are +80% hotness? The same does not go for the solitary mustache. At least not on Tom Hanks. It's just not... lush. A mustache wants to be lush. But enough about Hanks and his unfortunate role requirements...Rita looks probably the best I have EVER seen her on the red carpet. The color is divine, the silhouette is sophisticated and the styling is age appropriate without being overly mature. Rita, please keep up the good work! Tom, please shave upon closing of your show.

Cyndi Lauper!
To borrow a phrase from my favorite fashion bloggers, Tom and Lorenzo, I only have four words to say:


The bright red faux-hawk, the black lace capris with matching capelet, the classic eyebrows - this is how Cyndi Lauper does awards chic and stays completely genuine and true to herself.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Kim Kardashian's Guide to Maternity Fashion

My dear readers, this post has been a long time coming. Reader Katya has been asking me to write about this for months now. Sometimes I will get messages from her that say only, "WRITE THE POST." It's slightly ominous and also a little bit funny. So here you go, friends - the rules of maternity fashion, according to our sweet angel, Kim Kardashian.

* Embrace Your Inner Goddess

* Accentuate Your Bump With Ruffles

* Say Yes To The Leather Dress

* Don't Be Afraid To Indulge In A Bit of Twee Girlishness

* Work It With a Pop Of Color

* Remember That Modesty Is Key - Even Down To Your Fingertips

* Most Importantly, Never Ever Sacrifice Fashion For Comfort