Tony Awards 2013: The Meh!

Sorry about the delay, my dear readers - things have been nutty.

THE MEH!

Laura Benanti!

The color is beautiful on her but it looks like she trying to hold the top together with some fancy painter's tape. Memo to Laura: the painter's tape isn't working and your dress is about to go tits ahoy!

Victoria Clark!

Snoooooooooooooooze. Not a great color on her and I sincerely wish she had improved her undergarments.

Jake Gyllenhaal!

I enjoy a beared Jake, but once we get past the chin, it all falls apart. The tux simply doesn't fit. It's about a half an inch too long in the sleeves and probably half a size too big in the chest. Unfortunate, because usually our Jake does formal wear well.

Patina Miller!

This was a hard call for me. During the telecast I loved this and, in fact, argued somewhat loudly at the bar that this was a wonderful dress. HOWEVER. Upon closer inspection, I think it's a fantastic dress with an unfortunate chastity bow in the the front. That ruching is focus-pulling in a detrimental way. Sooo close to being out of the park fabulous, though.

Patricia Clarkson!

On a design level, I understand what we're going for here. On a person-looking-at-this-dress level, all I can see is a subtle homage to the Atari gaming system.

Cuba Gooding Jr.!

2013: The year Cuba Gooding Jr. gave up. I'm afraid that this IS as good as it gets. (SEE WHAT I DID THERE??)

Sigourney Weaver!

I'm not going to quibble about the dress on her because it is a gorgeous color and her hair and makeup look great. I am going to quibble, however, about the fact that she has worn variations of this exact dress to just about every red carpet appearance (except for when she wore the trash bag backwards that one time) in the last three years. I am DONE with the ol' one shoulder on her!

Scarlett Johansson!

ScarJo, there is a time and a place to mourn the fact that you were snubbed by Tony voters. It is not AT the Tonys!

Harvey Fierstein!

Oh, Harv. We all love you just so much but you're totally ruining the outfit with your choice of shoes. Not only are they far too casual, they are additionally far too matchy-matchy. Oh, Harv.