Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Oscars 2017 Red Carpet Rundown: The Good!

It's time. 

Welcome, welcome my dear readers to our coverage of the Oscars red carpet! We have lots to cover over the next few days and I am looking forward to digging into some fashion with you. Before we jump in, I just need you to see this photo.

That's Trevante Rhodes, Alex R. Hibbert, and Ashton Sanders, aka the three Chirons. Love love love. (Also if you would like to feel particularly parched, please witness Trevante Rhodes in the new Calvin Klein campaign. Holy. Moly.)

I have to say, I was delighted by the number of men who really rocked this red carpet. You'll see below, we have a bunch - what a delight! 


Taraji P. Henson!
Hands down, my favorite of the night. I love this silhouette on her, I love the color, I love the styling, I love her hair, I love her makeup, and yes, I most definitely love her necklace. Stunning, flawless.

Andre Holland!
Classic and absolutely excellent, no arguments here.

Jharrel Jerome!
One good Kevin deserves another. I'm not typically a fan of a white coat and a black tie but he's making this work.

Jeff Bridges (seen here with Susan Geston)!
I think I wouldn't normally like the higher vest but Jeff Bridges carries it so well. I am also deeply in love with Susan Geston's dress but as she is A Normal it would be against my code to comment further.

John Cho (seen here with Kerri Higuchi)!
John Cho is the current reigning Everyone's Boyfriend title holder for good reason.

Brie Larson!
This dress is ever so slightly wearing her but I'm still going to include it here because I looooooove this look. I love how the structure of it evokes a classic Barbie doll feel. I like (not love) the styling but it definitely could use a necklace.

Riz Ahmed!
A brighter blue tux turned out to be a huge trend for men on the red carpet, none better than my beloved Riz. Good tie size, nice fit, cool shoes.

Andrew Garfield!
If there is one thing we learned about Andrew Garfield this awards season it's that he has the best tailor in town. I am kind of digging the cuffed jacket, but only because it is clearly the design of the coat.

Lucas Hedges!
Well done, young man. You really made this red carpet count.

Chrissy Teigen!
This is simply fabulous. It's provocative but appropriate, sheer but not too sheer, glamorous and sexy all at once.

Mahershala Ali!
Beautiful, just beautiful. 

Viggo Mortensen!
Very nice.

Kirsten Dunst!
Probably the best red carpet look KiKi has ever worn. I am deeply, deeply in love with how she looked at the Oscars, but most especially this perfectly simple dress paired with that incredible necklace.

Dev Patel (seen here with his mom)!
As usual, Dev Patel looks great. I would say it's getting boring except that I never get bored looking at Dev Patel. 

Auli'i Cravalho!
As longtime readers know, I only include children on our red carpet rundowns if they are in the Good pile. Boy howdy is this kid in the Good pile! First of all, this dress is lovely (even if it CUAN). Secondly her hair and makeup are perfection. Third - did you see her performance? Did you watch her sing beautifully even when she was getting bonked in the head by a piece of the ocean!? She is a boss.

Jeremy Renner!
Yes, perfect. I actually really love the vest with the shawl collar tux.

Sting (seen here with Trudie Styler)!
Totally digging the scarf and love the Chelsea boots. 

Viola Davis!
I'll be real with you: I was not sure about those neck straps when I first saw this. And while I'm still not completely on board with them, this dress is a showstopper and she looks incredible. Thank you, Viola, for not sitting down in the limo. 

David Oyelowo!
Goodness, this is a stunning look. 

Isabelle Huppert!
Gorgeous and effortlessly chic.

Tarrell Alvin McCraney!
First of all, let me just delight in the fact that two of my favorite playwrights won Oscars on Sunday. SO AMAZING! Now on a more superficial note - I officially die over this tux. RIP me. He looks absolutely outstanding. 

Friday, February 24, 2017

Grammy Awards 2017 Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

With this we will wind down our Grammys coverage just in time for the high holy days: The Oscars (and the days after in which we will hopefully not be discussing Emma Stone's turtleneck or see through dress)!!!!! I am so pumped for the Oscars! But let's not get ahead of ourselves. There are still things to discuss from the Grammy Awards. I remind you as I always do, my dear readers, that WTF can sometimes be good. Case in point...


Chrissy Teigen!
I am not entirely sure that I like this Kiss of the Spiderwoman lace-up dream illusion gown but I am entirely sure that it doesn't matter if I like it because she is KILLING IT. On a scale of one to Tonga, this is a Full Tonga!

With that said, let's move on to the real head scratchers.

Taraji P. Henson!
How did this too-small Lisa Frank in outer space nightmare happen to you, Taraji? Tell us who did this to you and we'll make sure they never hurt you again.

I'm not sure how we ended up with a red carpet homage to the rosary, double-stick tape, and T-Boz but here we are. Now this is pretty strange but I'm not buggin cause I still feel the same. 

CeeLo Green!
This dude was a bad guy on Power Rangers, right? 

Elle King!
They said it couldn't be done but Elle King came as the human embodiment of the flower crown Snapchat filter.

Girl Crush!
Ugh. This is exhausting AND annoying. Worse than that, it looks shoddily made. How did you sit down, Girl Crush? Do you think that anyone still has a crush on you after this transparent grab at cuteness? You disgust me, Girl Crush.

Joy Villa!
This idiot. 

Lady Gaga!
This is clearly the spiritual descendant of the world's greatest ever music video costume and honestly, thank god for Gaga. I love that she's like, Oh you wanna talk about my tummy? Fine. Here it is. You shall see nothing else. Played like a true smartass, Stefani. 

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Grammy Awards 2017 Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

Onward, friends, there is much to discuss.


Jennifer Lopez!
This is the unholy union of Nicole Kidman's enormous neck bow with the infamous Angelina Leg Dress and purple Peeps. 

Lea Michele!
She looks like she has been crying for three days, as would I if I was wearing a turtleneck macrame window dressing.

Tori Kelly!
I really know what to say other than this is tacky and dated.

Charli XCX!
There is no movement to this fabric, making it look stiff and fussy. I have no idea what is going on with this length nor the front slit leading to awkward mid-thigh bunching. On top of all that it could definitely use a necklace.

Well that's just hideous. At least it fits well?

String bikini formalwear. 

Demi Lovato!
This is not a dress. This is a woven bag meant for carrying oranges. I can see how one might become confused between the two. 

I never need to see satin turtleneck accordion pleats on the red carpet again. Also those are some serious cliffhangers happening down there - you deserve shoes that fit!

Fantastic suit. Too bad he's allergic to shirts.

La Klum!
This dress is in grave danger of awarding all who pass by it a degree in gynecology. Thankfully due to its sheerness we know she is wearing undergarments.

Nick Jonas!
Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Celine Dion!
I tried to shove this one into The Good and also The Meh, but when you come down to it this is the Dowager Countess version of JLo's iconic Versace, enhanced with puffed sleeve nubbins and asymmetrical bow with studded buckle. I love and adore Celine but this is not working.

Katy Perry!
Okay that is officially it. If I see one freaking turtleneck on the Oscars red carpet on Sunday I am going to lose my shit. Quite besides the turtleneck we have this Fembot Snuffleupagus situation and I simply cannot.

Don Cheadle!
Looks great but event inappropriate. It's the Grammys, Don, not the Kids Choice Awards.

Sophie Beem!
I was unaware there was a Grandma's Wallpaper update to a classic Elvis jumpsuit. Good to know.

Michelle Pesce!
New from the Kathryn Hahn Suits With Bras lookbook: the Disco Tinman Agent Provocateur set! Don't bother to wear the jacket because this look is too hot for sleeves!

While I understand wanting to show off your ink, there has to be a better way, right? Additionally, this skirt makes her look like she's hiding a toilet paper roll under there. It's a shame because her entire head is incredible and there rest of this is just... well, it's a Full Patton.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Grammy Awards 2017 Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh!

You take the Good, you take the Bad, the take the Meh and there you have exactly what we're talking about today.


Margaret Cho!
This was extraordinarily close to going in The Good pile but the length of those pants and the color of that bag... it hurts me to have to put this in the Meh because she looks so amazing but I had to. You understand.

Kaya Jones!
Another one that was very close to greatness for me. I think if this dress was one inch longer and paired with a different shoe we would have been there. I'm loving this mermaid Liberace vibe but the open toe booties are killing me.

I am really into the Star Trek pajama leisure wear look but I cannot abide the length of anything here except the tunic hem. Sleeves and pants are both just short enough for me to notice.

Reader Lena told me she thought Adele dressed as a plaid cucumber and I do not disagree with Reader Lena. I love the shape and the color but the basket woven table runner feel throws it off a little.

Jeff Goldblum (seen here with Emilie Livingston)!
A hat AND tinted glasses AND a turtleneck AND a leather jacket AND wingtips. Learn to edit, Goldblum!

Camila Cabello!
A studded turtleneck paired with a subtle drop waist makes this a proportionally confusing look.

Patton Oswalt!
Close. If we could average out the sleeve and pant proportions between Patton and Jidenna, we'd be set for both of them. And in all honestly I am only include Patton Oswalt in this roundup because I need to tell you that his cameo in Season 2 of Crazy Ex Girlfriend is amazing and also just in case I have not yet said this to you personally - that show is wonderful. Worst title best show please watch it so I have someone to talk about it with because all of my friends are sick of me proselytizing them on that show.

Erika Jayne!
I love this dress but those are the wrong shoes and that is the wrong hair. I'd be really into her swapping her shoe and nail colors and going for a stick-straight blowout. 

Cassadee Pope!
Fairly standard Jiffy Pop dress. Snooze.

Chance the Rapper!
Welp, the shoes are all wrong and the pants are an inch too short. I have no problems with the hat because that's his signature and I kind of like that shade of brown with this shade of grey. I just really hate these shoes with this suit.

Andra Day!
This dress is some sort of Dionne Warwick fantasy come true and I am deeply in love with this color and this fit on her (and the inspired shoe choice). HOWEVER the hem is sloppy and the 1-2 punch of flowers and eyeliner are not good. 

Brendon Urie!
I am told this gentleman is of Panic! At The Disco, which is Great! For Him. The suit fits very well, but the overall look is one white belt away from 2003 cosplay.

Jill Scott!
Jilly from Philly looks fabulous... except for those unfortunate flats. She looks like she just powerwalked to work. 

Jane Zhang!
It's a little formal for the Grammys, not to mention exactly the wrong color on her. 

James Cordon (seen here with Julia Carey)!
I've never seen this color tux jacket and I can't tell if I like it at all. I'll tell you what I know for sure, though (and I'll bet you know this too): his pants are too long and it's distracting.

Skylar Grey!
Cheer up, Skylar! Sure, it's not a great look but it's so unremarkable that no one will ever remember it.

Carrie Underwood and Kelsea Ballerini!
These looks aren't offensive or really all the bad, they're just not good either. Kelsea is pulling from the I Am Growing Vegetation On My Arms In A Charming Way closet while Carrie seems to be wearing a castoff costume from the Elizabeth Hurley vehicle Bedazzled. Not the worst but not the best.