Thursday, February 23, 2017

Grammy Awards 2017 Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

Onward, friends, there is much to discuss.


Jennifer Lopez!
This is the unholy union of Nicole Kidman's enormous neck bow with the infamous Angelina Leg Dress and purple Peeps. 

Lea Michele!
She looks like she has been crying for three days, as would I if I was wearing a turtleneck macrame window dressing.

Tori Kelly!
I really know what to say other than this is tacky and dated.

Charli XCX!
There is no movement to this fabric, making it look stiff and fussy. I have no idea what is going on with this length nor the front slit leading to awkward mid-thigh bunching. On top of all that it could definitely use a necklace.

Well that's just hideous. At least it fits well?

String bikini formalwear. 

Demi Lovato!
This is not a dress. This is a woven bag meant for carrying oranges. I can see how one might become confused between the two. 

I never need to see satin turtleneck accordion pleats on the red carpet again. Also those are some serious cliffhangers happening down there - you deserve shoes that fit!

Fantastic suit. Too bad he's allergic to shirts.

La Klum!
This dress is in grave danger of awarding all who pass by it a degree in gynecology. Thankfully due to its sheerness we know she is wearing undergarments.

Nick Jonas!
Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Celine Dion!
I tried to shove this one into The Good and also The Meh, but when you come down to it this is the Dowager Countess version of JLo's iconic Versace, enhanced with puffed sleeve nubbins and asymmetrical bow with studded buckle. I love and adore Celine but this is not working.

Katy Perry!
Okay that is officially it. If I see one freaking turtleneck on the Oscars red carpet on Sunday I am going to lose my shit. Quite besides the turtleneck we have this Fembot Snuffleupagus situation and I simply cannot.

Don Cheadle!
Looks great but event inappropriate. It's the Grammys, Don, not the Kids Choice Awards.

Sophie Beem!
I was unaware there was a Grandma's Wallpaper update to a classic Elvis jumpsuit. Good to know.

Michelle Pesce!
New from the Kathryn Hahn Suits With Bras lookbook: the Disco Tinman Agent Provocateur set! Don't bother to wear the jacket because this look is too hot for sleeves!

While I understand wanting to show off your ink, there has to be a better way, right? Additionally, this skirt makes her look like she's hiding a toilet paper roll under there. It's a shame because her entire head is incredible and there rest of this is just... well, it's a Full Patton.

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