Thursday, February 2, 2017

SAG Awards 2017 Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh!

There are so many entries in the Meh pile that came very close to being included in the Good - honestly, we had more Good than Meh this time around. It's giving me some optimism for the Oscars. (Remind me of that when we see eight different tea-length gowns in the same color.)


Mahershala Ali!
This is literal inches away from being amazing. I want those pants a quarter-to-half-an-inch longer and I want the bowtie just a bit bigger and I want the sleeves on his coat to be tailored more attentively. You know what else I want? I want to go watch Moonlight again because I saw it on Monday and it broke my heart and made me feel human in ways I didn't know I had in me. I want him to win the Oscar and I want him to do in a perfect tux.

Amy Adams!
Here's something fun: Amy Adams has accepted that she will not be winning any awards this year and is dressing appropriately for these awards shows. That is to say, nothing too floofy or over-the-top, just beautiful and kind of boring. Here's something extra fun: her jewelry appears to be growing koosh balls.

Viola Davis!
I like this dress as an idea but I dislike the fabric and I don't trust the fit. She looks about three minutes away from going Tits Ahoy. THAT SAID - 10000% yes on this necklace!

Judith Light!
What's happening with Judith Light? Why is she wearing the sartorial equivalent of the decor of a restaurant that specializes in "new american cuisine"? Why would she want me to be reminded of "deconstructed salads" that are basically five leaves of lettuce spread out on a plate with half a cherry tomato? Will somebody please give our Judith the name of Ellie Kemper's stylist? 

Salma Hayek!
I'll give her this: it fits her like a glove, the colors are great, and only the top third of it is explicitly labial. 

Hugh Grant (seen here with Anna Eberstein)!
Hard not to comment on Anna's tribute to glazier points, but we're really here to yell at Hugh Grant to get his pants hemmed, rein in the bowtie size, and figure out either a vest or a cummerbund of some sort. At the very least button that top button. Get it together, man. 

Kirsten Dunst!
Awww KiKi is trying on wedding dresses on the red carpet! This is not actually a dress, though, it is just an elaborate slip with the exact wrong necklace. I know, I know, there's no pleasing me.

Amanda Peet!
I mean, it's not awful but it's also not good. It feels extremely 1991 - is that just me?  Is it the hair? the bow neckline? The OMG-MOM-I-CAN'T-BELIEVE-YOU-WASHED-MY-DRESS-WITH-THE-FUZZY-BLANKET-LOOK-AT-ALL-THIS-LINT sleeves?

Chrissy and John!
First of all, I love them. They are major #relationshipgoals for me. Secondly, I was given her cookbook, Cravings, for Christmas and everything I cook from it is delicious. Thirdly, he needs to wear a tie. Fourthly, her plunge is too deep paired with the high slit. I think honestly if we lost just 2 inches of plunge, this would be a favorite for me. Killer shoes. 

Nathalie Emmanuel!
If you're going to wear a story tapestry to an awards show, definitely make sure it is fully beaded and has sleeves you can button or unbutton as your whim decides.

Jesse Tyler Ferguson!
I see what he's going for but it's just not working. Cream is not your color, Jesty.

Winona Ryder!
Let us all thank Winona Ryder for giving us one of the great gif sets of our modern age. Way to pull focus, lady! Now, down to business. Her head is perfection. The dress is ... somewhat troubling. What is this length? Why is it lace? Are those little booties she is wearing with it? Why is she wearing the same number of necklaces and rings? The mind boggles. 

Denzel Washington (seen here with Pauletta Washington)!
You know I try not to comment on regular people but I have to say that Pauletta looks outstanding - loving this shawl. Now, Denzel. Den. Zel. Please please please do something about the length of your pants before the Oscars because I do not want to have this discussion again. It's embarrassing. Also, potentially explore different knot options for your tie, though that's less upsetting.

Laura Carmichael!
This is one of the most depressing dresses I've ever seen. It's the unholy union of an 8th grade dinner dance dress with a pillow someone's grandmother lovingly needlepointed. And it could use a necklace.

Maisie Williams!
Courtney Love 1995 Vanity Fair Oscars Party DIVIDED BY Courtney Love 1997 Oscars red carpet PLUS Nancy from The Craft makeup PLUS Liz Taylor hair EQUALS this.

Tracee Ellis Ross!
It's not terrible but it is strangely unflattering. You deserve better, Tracee!

Mayim Bialik!
Every time I look at this I feel like I'm holding my breath. Which is a shame because if the fit in the chest wasn't so tight, I would love this. I would also like to recommend the makeup strong points reverse and we give her a simple eye with a bold lip. It's a better look for our Blossom.

1 comment:

  1. Winona Ryder would have looked great in that dress at homecoming in 1992.