Friday, February 15, 2013

Grammys 2013: The Bad!

Happy Friday! My gift to you is this post.

THE BAD

Jennifer Lopez!
I've said it before and I'll say it again: What hath Angelina wrought!? This looks like a dance leotard retrofitted as evening wear. I will never understand that teeny tiny topknot. But, credit where it is due: fierce shoes.

Ashley Keating!
Psst! Ashley! We already have a Katy Perry and she showed up in a more interesting dress.

Natasha Bedingfeld!
She looks like the title sequence to Dexter.

Gotye!
Oh no, you guys. It's that guy you slept with that one time who gave you a rash on your arm because he hadn't showered in a while. No, don't look! Don't look. He's looking at you RIGHT NOW with that "I think I know her" face. Maybe he'll decide that you are just somebody that he used to know. Don't look!

Mika Newton!
Took a wrong turn on the way to the Purity Ball.

Janelle Monae!
Beyond the fact that this is a straight-up costume, those pants are FAR too tight to wear in public, let alone to a place you will be sitting in a chair for most of the night. RIP, Janelle Monae's zipper.

Maria Menounos!
Congratulations! Just by reading this post you have been awarded a degree in gynecology!

Jack White!
I'm so sorry for your loss. ........Of pigment. (NAILED IT)

Adele!
Why are you dressed like Mary Poppins' bag?! And seriously, whoever told you to wear those shoes can never be trusted again.

Kelly Osbourne!
Boring and unflattering in the worst possible way. THIS is why we don't wear the midriff cutouts, ladyfrend.

Keltie Colleen!
WRONG. First of all, you are wearing a romper with a big skirt. Secondly the romper is not flattering. Thirdly you are wearing the high heeled version of Mickey Mouse shoes. Fourthly, seriously? Do you think you are fooling us? Your real name has to be Colleen Keltie, right? It's just gotta be.

John Mayer (seen here with Quincy Jones)!
 Obvs, Q looks amazing. Really no one pulls off the all black suit quite like him. Willy Wonka over there is another story. Although, I guess if you're going to a party full of all your ex girlfriends, maybe an indigo velvet suit jacket is the best approach. At least you know they'll be talking about your terrible taste in clothes before they start talking about what a jerk you are.

Ashanti!
Oh girl. Oh no. No, no, no.

Faith Hill!
It's not awful but it's not good. Faith, honey, you are trying too hard and it's aging you in a bad way.

Carly Rae Jepsen!
It fits poorly, it looks cheap, it's too long, the eyeliner is blue, the hair is an afterthought, and there's no necklace. Hey, I just met you and this is crazy but get a stylist who can help you, maybe? (Oh come on, you knew I would go there.)

Estelle!
OH MY GOD. What is this I don't even!? The pattern! The mermaid! The crop top! With long sleeves! This dress is giving me a migraine.



No, seriously, you guys! WHAT IS THAT PATTERN!?

Florence Welch!
And then Flo came dressed as a green lam√© dinosaur. You know. Like you do...

4 comments:

  1. I love the dino dress! I would have been disappointed with something that didn't look ... well, like it could eat me.

    Also, I think the teeny topknot is something that was birthed in South Philly, as I see it on every balding midlife ex-barmaid on SEPTA.

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  2. bahhhhhahahahahahahaaaaa. nice one.

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