Golden Globes 2018 Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

We've finally reached the conclusion of our 2018 Golden Globes coverage. Never fear - the SAG Awards are this weekend so we'll be right back with more gowns next week. No word yet on whether vibrant colors will return. One can only hope that the starlets don't go immediately back to those dreadful blush gowns. 

THE WTF

Laurence Fishburne!

He's not here because of the outfit. He is here because this is the EXACT SAME THING HE WORE TO THE SAGS LAST YEAR. This is probably the closest we'll ever get to that genius Onion article everyone keeps sending me.

Amanda Peet!

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Mandy Moore and Amanda Peet may not both look good on the same red carpet. Mandy Moore looked great so ... here we are. I do feel badly that Amanda got her dress stuck in her underwear, though. 

Sidebar: Are we experiencing the return of puffed sleeves? They were everywhere on this red carpet. /Sidebar.

Gillian Anderson!

Actual question: How long does the designer of this dress think arms are? 

Chris Hemsworth!

Points for the attempt but he looks like a goth couch. A goth couch without a tie.

Catherine Zeta-Jones!

The most glamorous and the most sheer table cloth seen all night! I appreciate the lacy vulva shield but I have to say I'm not sure those branches are going to do much to disguise her nipples. But! This tablecloth would go great with Hemsworth's goth couch!

Maggie Gyllenhaal!

True facts: When I saw her arriving I only saw her from waist-up and I thought this was FABULOUS. Unfortunately, the garment does not end at the waist, oh no. It devolves into a devastating paper shredder accident that necessitated putting her work pants back on under the gown. It's really a shame because the top has promise. If you're going to skip the necklace on a strapless neckline, these are the kinds of earrings to wear.

William H. Macy!

Why does he remind me of a cross between Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe and why do I feel like he wants to sell me something? 

Saoirse Ronan!

Am I cold? Am I hot? Better be prepared for both! This is like one of those half-man/half-woman costumes except half-glam/half-drab. 

Rita Moreno!

Honestly, I feel like Rita Moreno is the mascot of the WTF section. I just adore her Sexy Mormon Missionary look paired with some open toe heels and the same jacket she wore to the 2014 SAG Awards. There's just so much leather in this outfit - specifically the unnecessarily long pants. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Rita Moreno is a treasure and she knows it.

Diane Kruger!

Honestly, what is happening here? Why are there jewels and baubles on every available seam? Can you even imagine how loud that cape was as she walked on hard surfaces? We are not a chandelier, Diane!

Kelly Clarkson!

No one say the following words to her, especially not in Russian: longing, rusted, furnace, daybreak, seventeen, benign, nine, homecoming, one, freight car. Why? Because plot twist: Kelly Clarkson is the Winter Soldier. In heroes we trust.