SAG Awards 2018 Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

Before we dive back into the SAG Awards, I must share this beautiful bounty with you. Reader Chou (my internet girlfriend of forever) texted me last night with the eBay listing of the dresses from the Golden Globes. Proceeds go to the legal defense funds for Time's Up (cool) but please look at the minimum bid of $20,000 for that hideous thing Caitriona Balfe wore. In the words of Chou, "Get right the fuck out of here, Outlander." 

THE BAD

Selenis Leyva!

It is far, far too small at the top and very sheer, giving the illusion that She is just wearing brushstrokes with a train. The bag and earrings don't really go with it either.

La Kidman!

The color is wrong and the silhouette ages her about 15 years. 

Maya Rudolph!

Choices were made.

Madeline Brewer!

The matching shoes and lip color, the peachy pustule party dress, the dark brows and smokey eye and heavy blush... it's all just too much! 

Dakota Fanning!

Might as well keep going with the peaches and cream barbie looks. This is too big on her and she doesn't appear to be wearing makeup or accessories. Maybe she can rub her face on Madeline Brewer's and get some of that extra blush.

Laura Dern!

Serious question: who is responsible for repurposing all of these macrame wall hangings as formal wear??? I honestly looked to see if this is the same designer as Kate Hudson's GG gown and IT IS NOT. That was Valentino, this is Dior, and everyone simply must stop this madness.

Hong Chau!

Froufrou bed skirt.

Greta Gerwig!

Well this is just plain hideous. The color, the shape, the design... just wow. I'm actually impressed by how terrible this is.

Elisabeth Moss!

Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Mary J. Blige!

Is this like one of those best friend necklaces where someone else has the other wing and when they stand together they make one big dove? You know this hurts me because I love Mary so much. Let's focus on the positive: 2 Oscar nominations for MJB, making history as the first person to be nominated for acting and original song in the same year. THAT is amazing! I just hope she doesn't wear the other wing to the Oscars.

Samira Wiley!

Boy oh boy am I tired of see-through dresses with full coverage underwear. Even on Samira Wiley, which is really saying something.

Diane Guerrero!

The perfect outfit for when you are cold but your ribs are hot and you want to feel that princess fantasy of 18 different people stepping on the back of your dress.

Saoirse Ronan!

I don't even know what I'm looking at. The best I can come up with is a tribute to military dog tags and glittery labial folds. Whatever it is, it's a Full Patton.