Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Jogging in Lipstick: Rules 6-10

We're back with more Rules! All block quoted text belongs to Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, those saucy minxes.


Rule 6:
Always End the Phone Calls First

Basically:
When a man calls you, only stay on the phone for 10 minutes. Otherwise, you might make him bored or tired or treat him like a friend.
BS Meter:
This seems pretty silly. It's almost as if they're saying that you shouldn't stay on the phone too long because then might actually get to know you and THAT'S BAD.
Points of Interest:
In fact, the biggest mistake a woman can make when she meets a man she wants to marry is to make him the center of her life. [...] First of alll, he may be overwhelmed by all the attention. Second, he may never propose.


If you have decided you want to marry someone after not looking at them and letting them do all the talking, certainly don't mess it up by having an actual conversation.

Meg's Alternate Rule:
Getting to know someone you like and would like to date is important. You may end up finding out that you don't actually like them and don't actually want to date them.


Rule 7:
Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date After Wednesday

Basically:
If a man really likes you, he will reserve your time early. Don't be fooled into accepting last minute dates, you whore.
BS Meter:
Yuck. This is a straight-up game. If he calls anytime after Wednesday, wanting to go out on Saturday, you're supposed to say simply "Oh, I'm so sorry, but I've already made plans." You can't play hard to get, the authors tell us, if you accept last minute dates. (Don't be whores, they imply.)
Points of Interest:
We often hear about "spontaneous" women who go out with men on twenty-four hours' notice. We wish them luck. When a man know he can have you five minutes after his last girlfriend gave him the boot, he'll call you because he's lonely or bored, not because he's crazy about you.


Meg's Alternate Rule:
Cultivate your own happiness. This sort of goes hand in hand with the rule about never asking men out. There's an undercurrent of wait around around and let him decide to love you, masked as You Are In Control, Girlfriend! As a person with a very busy schedule, I encourage y'all to fit love in whenever you can.


Rule 8:
Fill Up Your Time Before the Date

Basically:
Make yourself busy so you won't spend the 4 hours before your date writing your first name and his last name over and over on the back of your notebook.
BS Meter:
Duh. Being busy is one of the best ways to not freak out about a date.
Points of Interest:
Recommendations with what to do with your time include going to the gym, getting a makeover (TERRIBLE idea before going out in public), taking a nap, going to the movies (they caution you not to go see a Rom-Com, as this will put romance in your head). Things not to do include talking to your girls about the date, seeing anyone in your family who wants you to get married, or basically doing anything that might make you mention the word marriage during your date.

Meg's Alternate Rule:
Being busy is great, just don't do it to distract yourself from the idea of marriage. Seriously, you probably have a million things to do anyway.


Rule 9:
How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3

Basically:
A drink date lasts 2 hours, a dinner date lasts 3-4 hours, only a light peck on the cheek or lips after the first date, don't feel the need to fill lulls in conversation, he doesn't get to see your apartment until date 3 (date 2 if you are brazen), "dress nice, be nice, good-bye and go home."
BS Meter:
Well, I think it's safe to say I have never practiced The Rules. A light peck on the cheek - hilarious.
Points of Interest:
Don't get into his car for any reason (or you might end up in his trunk!).


If you don't follow The Rules you will probably get murdered.

Meg's Alternate Rule:
Okay, the truth is you have to be careful. There are bad people out there, so be aware and don't do anything you're not comfortable with. On the other hand, just feel it out and see what feels right to you. Also, please please have a conversation that doesn't revolve around him. He wants to know you too.


Rule 10:
How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time

Basically:
While now you can actually share a few things about yourself, don't get too heavy and don't reveal your faults. That's for after you get married.
BS Meter:
Boy howdy, this is ridiculous. It seems more and more that if you follow The Rules you are setting a trap. You are acting sweet and nice and then the minute he commits: BAM! Neuroses come out and he's like "WTF??? Who is this girl?"
Points of Interest:
Remember you won't have to keep such things to yourself forever. Just for the first few months...until he says he's in love with you. Eventually you will become more yourself. It's the first impressions from the first few months of dating that men remember forever.


Yeah, oooor he's going to think you are some sort of boring automaton and dump you before you can ever reveal that you know all the words to Shoop AND Push It.

Meg's Alternate Rule:
Be yourself. Always and unabashedly. I can tell you from personal experience that love is actually better and more fulfilling when you are totally in it and not wasting time pretending to be something you're not.

5 comments:

  1. Push it real good!

    I agree that being yourself is super important, but I can say from experience that I always tried to reel in my energy for as long as possible (or until the alcohol took over)! Being awesome can be overwhelming to a calm person ;)

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  2. Rule 10 sounds like they are telling women to use sleight of hand to land a man, no wait more like trickery and witchcraft. Ok ladies, just trick him into liking you and when you say I do you can take off the makeup and finally be yourself. eww. You are right Meg...EVIL! ha!

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  3. Wow. How did I ever get married? I followed NONE of these rules. Ever. With any man. Who are these women and what are they trying to do to our generation?

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  4. I feel like rule 10 alone is a definite contributor to the current divorce rate... because sadly we all know there are women out there who took this as gospel.

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  5. Re: rule #9, I've only applied time limits when they were painfully bad dates. I don't think I'd put a limit on a good thing.

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