What will be your final Google of 2010?

I am pretty sure I have just Googled my last for 2010. My choice?

Charlie Sheen is too damn high.

Have a very safe New Year's celebration, friends. And get ready: awards show season is just around the corner. AND I made my own rib sauce this morning, so you'll get to hear all about that. Get excited for 2011. Until then, I leave you with my best moment of 2010...

The Best and Worst of Awards Show Fashion 2010

While it has not been an absolutely amazing year for awards show fashion, there have been some standouts. If you read my livejournal (yes, livejournal) you know that I absolutely love awards shows but I love even more to judge awards show fashion. If you are new to my brain, here are things that may help understanding this end of year fashion roundup:

1. I pretty much always think that strapless dresses benefit from a necklace.
2. I freaking love Oscar de la Renta.
3. I love the bad fashion most of all.

Seriously, if the sight of an attendee makes me sharply inhale, it's a keeper. If the sharp inhale is followed by a solemn, "Oh girl, on no," even better. Here are my picks for favorite and "favorite" looks from the Golden Globes, SAG Awards, Oscars, and Tonys (my big four). Oh, also, I may include some of the original commentary because I am lazy.

The Good (in chronological order)

Anna Paguin at the Golden Globes


I love Anna Paquin in gold and that deep v with structured shoulders really works for her. This is a standout look for sure!

Sandra Bullock at the SAG Awards


Very cool and polished, just like a star about to win every award known to actors. Love the black and blue and the exaggerated cutout.

Lea Michele at the SAG Awards


Girlfriend hit the red carpet running this year. In fact, she appears on my list twice. She has a knack for picking non-traditional red carpet colors and knowing what works for her body and skintone. I love how this dress flirts with the 70s without being a costume.

Cameron Diaz at the Oscars


Perfect, perfect, perfect. How could she possibly go wrong wearing Oscar to the Oscars? This was the best red carpet look of the year.

Helen Mirren at the Oscars


It's actually true that I have a file of Helen Mirren red carpet looks saved just in case I should ever need red carpet inspiration. The woman owns formalwear.

Ryan Reynolds at the Oscars


What's that you say? You're newly single and know how to work a Tom Ford tux? Yes please.

Cate Blanchett at the Tonys


Sure, she may be doing an impression of that one time Ziggy Stardust merged with the Tin Man, but she is doing a hell of a job of it. I love the cut of this suit.

Lea Michele at the Tonys


Love the color, love the silhouette, don't love the bangs but understand that was for the tv show. Well done, LM! But step it up, girl! You are slacking lately.

Laura Linney at the Tonys


I don't know why I love this so much but I really do. It's a perfect shade of blue and the cut is youthful and breezy without feeling desperate and past it.

The Bad (in chronological order)

Chloe Sevigny at the Golden Globes


So, The Sev won a Golden Globe and on her way up to the microphone, apparently someone stepped on her dress. In what has to be one of the greatest acceptance speech openers of all time, she barely contained her rage as she spat into the microphone, "I can't believe he just ripped my dress!" As for the dress in question, it has a huge "wow" factor, as in "wow, that is fugly."

Cher at the Golden Globes


It's almost like Cher and Bob Mackie were in the Cherry Hill Mall and wandered into Hot Topic, where Cher said, "Look at these teenage goth fashions, Bob! Aren't they delicious?!" And then Bob Mackie said, "Grommets! Lace! Velvet! Off-the-shoulder sex appeal! You know, Cher, I'll bet I can make you a gown for the Golden Globes that incorporates all of this." And Cher clasped her hands to his face and said, "Would you? For me?"

Justin Timberlake at the SAG Awards


Sometimes I forget that JT once showed up on the red carpet in a denim suit with matching denim fedora. Then sometimes, I remember. Guess which time this is?

Sophia Loren at the SAG Awards


Now, we have learned many times over that when it comes to Sophia Loren awards show fashion, it could always be worse. But it could also be better. This selection for the "bad" category falls under the "awesomely bad," like Cher. I hope someday to be an aging sex symbol and dress awesomely bad...ly. Adverbs are hard.

Judd Nelson at the Oscars


What the hell happened to you, Judd Nelson!? Why in the world are you dressed like you're going to a prom in 1992? Why would you wear a collarless shirt...unbuttoned? And with a high-button vest!? WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE CHANDLER BING?

Hilary Swank at the Oscars


Hil? We already have a Pam Anderson.

Kathy Ireland at the Oscars


Not only is she guilty of egregious accessorizing, she was the worst red carpet host ever. The dress is a disaster and the hair and makeup just make me want to scream.

Diane Kruger at the Oscars


I appreciate couture fashion but some of it is frankly not appropriate to wear in public. I cannot believe Lagerfeld let her out of his showroom in this. For shame, Karl.

Sarah Jessica Parker at the Oscars


Bad hair, scary makeup, too many bracelets accenting the zombie hands, and a yellow sack dress. I'd say "does it get worse," but I'm afraid our Sarah Jessica likes a challenge.

Charlize Theron


Lilac cinnabusoms. The mind reels.

Linda Lavin at the Tonys


I challenge you to look at this ensemble and not pull a face. The only word I can muster is HIDEOUS.

Aretha Franklin at the Tonys


Oh girl. Oh no.

Jada Pinkett Smith at the Tonys


It looks like the Marchesa store threw up on her. Violently. And, I mean, her legs look amazing, but how is she supposed to whip her hair back and forth if it's pulled so tight? Jada, if you feel me, do it, do it, whip your hair.

Katie Holmes at the Tonys


This, for me, is the worst look of the year. And not in a fun way. This dress, beyond being dreadful, does not fit her. It is too small in the bust, and about 4 inches too short. Her hair is a goddamn disaster, she's not wearing jewelry, and her makeup is non-existent. And then there are the shoes. Shape up, Joey Potter! I like it better when you let Posh Spice dress you.

There will be no airing of grievances this Festivus

Get out your hankies, friends. This one is a doozy. I was not able to make it even halfway through this article in the Boston Globe without openly weeping. When a family with a son with cerebral palsy was no longer physically able to carry him up the stairs to bed each night, a local high school star athlete stepped in to help.

In the few months the Parkers have known him, Rudy has become not just a help with Sammy, but a salve for their pain. He and Rick talk about football. Patty quizzes him on girls. Ben usually parks himself as close to Rudy as possible, looking up at him adoringly. And most nights, Sam will tremble with excitement as Rudy picks him up.

“It’s like family,’’ said the shy senior. It goes both ways: The Parkers were on the field with Rudy’s mother the night Malden Catholic honored its senior football players.

It's nice to remember that when things seem dark, focusing on others is the best medicine. Read the whole article, it's worth it.

----------------------------------------------------------------

And with that, my friends, I am going to put down the blog for a few days because I am Catholic and that means I have to go spend many hours vacuuming and cleaning bathrooms for my parents. Have a lovely weekend and, if you celebrate the holiday, happy Christmas to you! See you Monday!

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my sexual partner gave to me...

...a vagina full of STDs!

Not really, but it's time to talk about basic safety.

I was checking out this article on Jezebel.com yesterday that has a poll saying that 33% of women say they are "more likely to have a one night stand on New Year's Eve than any other night." It got me thinking about how no one wants the holidays ruined by a sexually transmitted disease, so I offer you this public service announcement:

Make like a christmas present and WRAP IT UP. Remember to be in charge of your own sexual destiny and always use a condom or a dental dam, on top of whatever other measures you like to take. Don't let anyone do your dishes without rubber gloves.

Beer Cheese Dip: The best holiday party food ever

For as long as I can remember, my family has been making beer cheese dip as part of the Christmas Eve Open House menu. I love dips and this one is at the very top of my list. It's pink and it's delicious with bread or carrots or, really, any sort of vessel that will deliver dip to one's mouth, like a spoon. Not that I've ever eaten it with a spoon....

Here's how you make it:

Get a large round loaf of bread and a couple of rolls.



Personally, I prefer pumpernickel bread with this, but any bread will do. First cut out the middle of the bread, about halfway down into the loaf - this the dish for your dip. Then cut up what you've removed from the loaf plus the rolls into cubes.

Next, grab a large bowl and combine one medium tub of Wispride Port Wine cheese.... spread stuff



plus one block of cream cheese



and about half a can of beer.



Over the years, we've found that Coors Light works best but you can use whatever kind of beer you like. I wouldn't go for a porter or a stout, but I'll bet a nice IPA would give the dip a little zing.

Then grab your electric mixer and beat the hell out of those ingredients. If it's not getting creamy, add a little more beer. It helps if the cream cheese and the Wispride are on the room temperature side, too. Then drink the rest of the beer while you mix.

Spoon that mixture into your bread bowl and enjoy some pink dip for the holiday season!

On Christmas shopping and Joe Strummer

I have not at all completed my Christmas shopping. In the paraphrased words of Karen Carpenter, I've only just begun. I've pretty much got to get it all done tomorrow or I'm in deep, deep trouble.

One year, I did all of my Christmas shopping with my sister on December 23rd. We were listening to the radio and they were playing a lot of songs by my favorite band at the time, The Clash. Love them. When a particularly deep cut was played, I remarked to my sister, "God, I hope Joe Strummer didn't die." And then, at the end of the song the DJ (the beloved Pierre Robert) announced that Joe Strummer had passed away at the age of 50. And I... burst into tears. We had to sit in the Bed Bath and Beyond parking lot for a good 6 minutes until I got it together. My sister was at a loss, just sort of confused and weirded out that I had started crying over the lead singer of a band. Every time I do last minute Christmas shopping, I think of Joe Strummer and how music can really make a difference. I also think about how hot he was.


One time at a party I was asked by a girl shouting these words at me, "BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN IN 1984: WOULD YOU DO HIM?! CAUSE I WOULD!!!!!!" And I responded that of course I would do 1984 Bruce Springsteen because that was when he looked the most like Joe Strummer.

It was recently announced that a Joe Strummer biopic is in the works. Obvs, I will be seeing that, but I am hoping they get someone who loves the Clash (and, preferably, his other bands) to play the man himself. Someone on Facebook suggested Steve Buscemi for the Mick Jones role and that's fairly genius.


Oh, and when I was looking for a photo of Joe Strummer I came across one of my favorite quotes of all time and decided I would include it for you at the end of this post just because. J. D. Salinger, you may have been a bit creepy, but I love you.

There was a slight pause. "You'd better get busy, though, buddy. The goddam sands run out on you every time you turn around. I know what I'm talking about. You're lucky if you get time to sneeze in this goddam phenomenal world."

-- Franny and Zooey

Holiday Party Etiquette

Girls and boys, I have my day job holiday party this afternoon. People are all sported up, the Sam and Libby shoes are strapped to my chilly little feet, and everyone is all atwitter waiting for the festivities to commence. Me? I'm a little bit tired from staying out too late last night and to be quite honest, I'm not sure I even want an afternoon beer. Because that's the thing about office holiday parties: drinking with your coworkers in the afternoon.

I'd like to give out this one little piece of advice that I have finally learned at the ripe age of 30: There is no need to get drunk. It hit me yesterday that I have no trouble interacting with these people on a day to day basis stone cold sober, so there's really no necessity behind the drinking...it's just a nice option. I'm taking it easy this afternoon so I can make it through my friend's office holiday party (I'm her date) and then a theatre bar holiday party. Pacing will be important, as will pasta. I'm going to eat a lot of pasta.

With visions of pitchers dancing in their heads...

This week, Phillies fans got an early Christmas gift (or a late Chanukah gift) when Clifton Pfifer Lee was re-signed onto the pitching roster. It's not just that we have the most kickass pitching rotation ever in Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels, and Roy Oswalt (who is sometimes in the outfield...okay, just that once but I was there and it was HILARIOUS)... no, it's not just that. It's that we loved Cliff Lee when he was here before. He made us beLEEvers - there are shirts to prove it. I was really sad to lose him (though, ultimately Roy Halladay is no slouch) and this ad from the tourism board really sums up my feelings.

Shopping success

I really hate to shop. But! I did it! I found cute black heels...



Sam and Libby black heels with strap -$15 at Burlington Coat Factory. BOOM!

How is this possible?

Here's the deal: I am trying to get my own personal style in order. I am an urban woman, constantly out and about and I need to look at bit more...put together. Piece by piece I am reviving my wardrobe, but the process is slow-going. I am trying to build in longevity as well as snazzy style because, let's be real: I have been wearing the same pair of black pants since like 2003. They are faded but they are... fine? (Not really, I need to get some new ones obvs.)

My day job holiday party is tomorrow afternoon and we were specifically told in an email to "sport it up a bit." Which is hilarious. I have a dress all picked out (it's gotta be day-to-night, since I am also attending a friend's holiday party as her date), and I'm going to squeeze every last ounce out of the black tights and black heels with a dress trend, because that is cute and IT IS COLD.

-SIDEBAR-
I'm not sure why but I always feel warmer when I wear black tights as opposed to nude stockings. They are basically the same fabric, but maybe since you can't actually see my skin I think I'm warmer? Maybe it's like the time my freshman roommate and I went to New York wearing light jackets and then it started to snow. We spent hours freezing our butts off, singing "Miami" by Will Smith and trying to convince ourselves that it wasn't snow it was just ticker tape from a parade. Somehow that worked. And we weren't even drunk!
-END SIDEBAR-

So: cute 50s style dress, black tights and black heels. Actually, I prefer to say "pumps" rather than "heels." I like the throwback feeling to the word. Anyway! I am distressed to find that I do not own plain black pumps. How is this possible? I have a pair of silver platform pumps, a pair of silver peep-toe pumps, a pair of strappy, sexy gold pumps (which, for the record, I have never worn but have loaned out to many friends), a pair of glittery black strappy strappy heels (completely inappropriate for this outfit), and one pair of wedding-type black 4-inch heels that I have worn exactly twice and both times almost broke my damn ankles. Why in the world do I have so many dressy shoes when all I ever want to wear is jeans an an Eagles sweatshirt? What I really need is something like this:



OBVIOUSLY I will be going to Ross Dress For Less or Burlington Coat Factory to find black pumps and they will NOT be Louboutins, but that's the idea. PS - if you live in Philly, I have to tell you that Burlington Coat Factory at 11th and Market has the best discount shoes in the city. Cheaper than Payless and the shoes I've gotten there have held up for years.

I know I've missed a couple of days of posting but I am completely swamped by life and work. Stay tuned, fight fans! I'll do a couple of posts tomorrow to make up for the last couple of days.

In the meantime, here's something for you to ponder: "Baby It's Cold Outside" is a beloved holiday song about date rape. And it has been stuck in my head for the last 2 days. Punishment from the universe? Or the universe trying to force holiday cheer on me much like the man in that song is trying to force sex on the woman. "Say, what's in this drink" indeed.

Winning the fight against terrible restaurants!

Wonderful news! Vesuvio has closed! Less great news: the owner wants to eventually reopen it.

Vesuvio has long been on my list of Worst Bars in Philadelphia (Meghann Edition). Philadelphia is an amazing food town and has many, many fantastic bars. We have bars for all moods and occasions. Need something super cool and fancy pants? Franklin Mortgage and Investment. Need something ridiculously romantic? XIX. Want the best dive? Bob and Barbara's. I could go on and on - just try me.

So why in this city of great food and drinks for all occasions are mediocre and crappy bars allowed to exist? And why do people insist on spending money at these lesser establishments? For years I have been forced to go to Vesuvio for theatre meetings and fundraisers and it pretty much sucked my soul to have to pay $5 for a lager coming out of a stale line. Then there were the ridiculous happy hours that friends continually "won" where the drink specials were more expensive than what you could get down the street at the (much more fun) Tattooed Mom. And, inexplicably, the food was better at dirty little Tattooed Mom... as long as you stick to the pierogies. The other thing I hate about Vesuvio is that I dropped my phone in the toilet there one time. That was definitely my fault but I blame the suckitude of Vesuvio for it.

Anyway, the time for rejoicing has come because no longer will Vesuvio haunt us with their "happy hours" or their crappy chicken fingers. If I can just say enough prayers I am sure Oh! Shea's will follow suit soon enough. I really hate that place.

Let's Take a Tour of 1994

This is probably my favorite picture of all time.



I come from a fairly large extended family - lots and lots of first cousins and more great aunts and uncles than you can count. I love seeing them around the holidays and I genuinely enjoy hanging out with my family. But Christmas, to me, is about the crew you see above. I'm only related to one of them by blood, but they're all stuck with me for life.

Starting on the left we have Scott - the oldest of the group - too cool for school in this photo (dig that tie) and now married with a son and another baby on the way.

Next up we have his brother Mike- probably the tallest person I know in real life- newly married to a girl with a fabulous name (yes, it's Megan).

Down in front is Nick, the bad boy of the group - check that attitude! Nick has grown up quite a bit since that photo and now rocks the salt and pepper hair and is about a month away from being an old married man.

In the red suit in the back we have his sister Lauren, the funniest and most sincere person I've ever known. We have been friends since we were babies, we were Barbie queens together, I was in her wedding, and I feel lucky when I get to spend time with her awesome husband and hilarious kids.

In the amazing plaid skirt is the yin to my yang, my sister The Jule. She and I have taken so, so, so many of these holiday pictures together - we always do our best to make a stupid face, just to frustrate Mom. Here's something a little more recent:



And there's me, all the way to the right, knees turned in, gigantic scrunchie, bell sleeves, bangs, black stockings - the pinnacle of fashion in the Juniors department. I'm pretty sure those sleeves came attached to the top. I loved that outfit and thought I looked so amazing in it. The scrunchie definitely is the cherry on this photo.



Over the past few days I've been trying to force myself into the holiday season. I have been listening to all of my favorite Christmas songs, riding my bike past all of the lights strung up over South Philly, but it's not working. I'm not feeling all humbug, I'm just feeling...nothing. I can't seem to choke out a fa la la to save my life. But looking at this photo this morning and laughing my ass off at how ridiculous we all looked, well, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Holy crap, it works.

I take it all back! I swear I'll never complain again. Under the new Weight Watchers system this week I lost 3 pounds. BOOM! Fruit is awesome! And 4 points for wine is totally... fine. I mean, fine!

Because I am feeling so awesome about this, I present to you: what you will spend the rest of your afternoon looking at... Pinup RDJ.



You're welcome!

I'm about to admit something I may regret

Friends, I have been biking around Philadelphia in this frigid cold. (That's not the admission that I may regret, I'm just setting it up.) It's REALLY cold out right now and having wind in one's face or on one's legs is not entirely pleasant. I plan to continue biking but I have to face facts and one of those facts is that my long underwear is straight up not cute.

I have been wearing my long underwear under pants and skirts. Under pants, whatever- I roll up my pants and then it's there to protect my legs. Under skirts it is pretty much the only thing I have to save my poor, shapely legs from wind burn. And seriously, you guys, this long underwear is working hard but is not at all fashion forward. So I have made a decision that I will enact today:

I am buying leggings.

This has been a difficult decision to make because I am staunchly opposed to leggings. I think they make people look somewhat thick and it makes me beyond twitchy when I see girls wearing leggings without anything over them. Leggings are not pants! I don't care how skinny you are, I feel awkward when I have to see the entire curve of your butt. You look like a male ballet dancer, minus the talent and codpiece. And when you take out the codpiece, well... what good are those kinds of pants?

I hereby make the following fashion promises to the world:

* I will not wear these leggings as pants, no matter what.
* I will not tell people I am wearing leggings.
* I will pretend the leggings I buy are just really, really thick tights.

And, for myself, I will be warmer on my bike and I can give my poor cuddle duds a rest.

The cry heard round the world

Weight Watchers unveiled their new Points Plus Plan last week and pretty much every person I know who does WW had this to say:

WHAT DO YOU MEAN A GLASS OF WINE IS 4 POINTS!?

There are a few things that WW devotees (of which I am one) commit to memory right away: banana is 2 points, slice of pizza is 7, regular beer is 3, and most importantly, a glass of wine is 2 points.

Well, I suppose WW took a step back and examined their calculations process. Under the old plan I could have a cup of soup loaded with preservatives for fewer points than an apple, nature's toothbrush. Now all fruits and most vegetables are zero points, making it waaaaaaaaaaaay more attractive in a bang-for-your-buck-way to choose those foods than, say, a handful of Pringles.

Oh my god, I love Pringles. I know they are reconstituted potatoes but they are DELICIOUS. Unfortunately, I am staring at a stupid orange which is lovely and all but doesn't have the sort of crunch I desire. BUT! It's zero points, so it wins over 6 points of Pringles.

I'm trying to recalibrate to the new system but it's hard - I had memorized so many things and now I have to go back and look everything up. The cornerstone of the WW program is tracking what you eat. All together now, if you bite it you write it, if you snack it you track it! At the beginning of the program, there is nothing more sobering than looking back at your day of eating and realizing you ate absolutely nothing nutritious. I find that writing things down does help me make better choices. BUT! I am a busy lady! So I usually keep track of my points in my head. Also, I usually fluctuate up and down by 3-5 lbs depending on the week. PERHAPS THERE IS A CORRELATION. Anyway, the point I'm desperately trying to get to is that mayhaps I will be more diligent about tracking now that I have to look everything up again. Maybe I'll even lose some weight! That would be nice.

I am not pleased, however, that I now have to face the facts that alcohol is made of empty calories, delicious empty calories, and I have to account for those 4 points at the end of the day. Or 5 points if I want a goddamn stout!

I am not including pictures with this post.

Jezebel has been talking about this sort of stuff a lot lately: What is with guys sending gals pictures of their penises? When I first heard the Brett Favre "thing" (see what I did there?) in the news last month, I was like "Why on earth would anyone text a picture of their penis to another person?" I supposed I can only speak for myself, but even if I was totally doing it with a guy I was totally into, if I received a text message picture of his junk I would be like "..."

But Meg!, you might say, A picture is worth a thousand words! To you I say, every single one of those words is "ew." I'm not gonna send out a photo of my labia because that is private. If you are lucky enough to have access to my ladybits, congratulations and feel free to conjure up exciting memories at any time in your mind. I know what you do with your phone - because I do it too. I am a gossip and I am forgetful. If you send me a picture of your disco stick, I either going to accidentally leave my phone somewhere where curious types will look at my texts, or I am going to totally on purpose show it to all of my friends. I simply assume you will do the same. (Also, I'm not sure if that's the right usage of "disco stick" - I heard it in a song in a gay club.)

Some friends of mine have received racy texts (excuse me, sexts) with pictures of boobs or penises. You know what they did? SHOWED THEM TO ME. I have never received a sext directly, although now that I'm writing all of this on my blog I can't wait to turn on my phone and see what you perverts send me.

On a more romantic note, the dick pic is a bad idea because that's like the last unanswered question about a new partner and sexts ruin the fun. And that's pretty much only confined to men. I mean, sure there is the bush question on the ladies, but, at least in my opinion, it's not really the same. And don't try to make the boobs argument because you know as well as I do that society dictates that women showcase their boobs as much as possible to begin with. You kind of already know what you're getting. Unless you encounter absolutely enormous nipples. That would be a surprise.

Today we'll talk about it all!

I can't lie to you: I had a lot of trouble coming up with something in pop culture to write about today. You actually probably know this because I asked for suggestions on Facebook and, uh, everyone who reads this is probably also my Facebook friend. (Or as they call it on SVU, FaceUnion.)

Here were the topics suggested:

1. Pop rocks.
2. Pop Corn.
3. Scrunchies and rolled up pants with bobos.
4. Elf. Specifically, its inferiority to Christmas Vacation and A Christmas Story.
5. Celebrity Rehab Season 4, specifically the inclusion of reality tv stars as "celebrities."
6. Recent Hollywood divorces
7. Why is Madonna opening a gym?
8. The weirdness of Vince Neil on ice skates
9. Anne Hathaway and James Franco hosting the Oscars

I couldn't pick one, so let's just hit them all, shall we?

1. I love Pop Rocks. I think they are totally amazing, especially the watermelon ones. I know you are supposed to open your mouth so you can hear the sound, but I prefer to press my tongue to the roof of my mouth so they explode against my soft palate. Goodbye, soft palate!

2. I was delighted to find that my new roommate makes popcorn the same way I do: on the stove with olive oil. We have a cute little container of kernels and she delightedly told me they are supposed to make GIANT POPCORN. But! I do Weight Watchers - which, by the way, just unveiled a new totally wack points system....

-SIDEBAR-
You guys, Weight Watchers is messing me up right now. A glass of wine used to be 2 points and now it is 4. Unacceptable.
-END SIDEBAR-

Back to popcorn. I do WW, and because olive oil costs a lot of points, I have been trying not to also put delicious melted butter on my popcorn. I recommend chili powder if you are in a spicy mood or cinnamon if you want a sweeter treat. Pumpkin pie spice also works.

3. I totally forgot that I used to call those little tennis shoes "bobos." I am now transported to 6th grade when I had the coolest scrunchie and I practically lived in my bobos on the weekends. I drew the line at rolled up pants, though.

4. I feel like Elf is a fine movie and a modern Christmas favorite. I laughed so hard at "I like to whisper too!" I happened to be in New York, walking by the theatre, when they were putting up the marquee for the new Broadway musical version of Elf. I thought, "Hmph. Is this a good idea?" I'm pretty sure it's not for me, but I'll bet they are going to make a pile of money off all the families that travel to Macy's to get a picture with Santa and want a little culture to round out the day.

Comparing Elf with Christmas Vacation and A Christmas Story is a little more difficult. Sure, they are all Christmas comedies, a little bit irreverent and genuinely loved by kids who think it's funny if you a)go around a revolving door so many times you throw up, b)electrocute the family cat, or c)get your tongue stuck to a pole. There are plenty of grown-up jokes in all of them to appreciate as you get older, too. I don't know that the relative holiday value of the latter two movies are threatened by Elf, but I also can't quite see choosing Elf over the Griswalds. ESPECIALLY considering how freaking cray-cray Randy Quaid has been acting lately. That just lends another flavor to their bizarre family.

5. Remember when The Real World was the only reality tv option? Now people hop from show to show, cultivating their status as "reality stars," which is a weak excuse for fame. Of course, I read all of the blog postings about how the producers were having a hell of a time rounding up enough willing to be compared to Kenicki for this round of Celebrity Rehab. Indeed, Keyshia Cole's mom is one of the stars this time. **Okay, all that said** I am totally conflicted about this show. Rehab is really important and I'm not exactly sure turning it into entertainment is a good idea.

6. Regarding recent Hollywood divorces: Oh my god, David Arquette, stop talking! Just stop!

7. Why is Madonna opening a gym, she asks.... Because, dear reader, the most memorable music she's put out in the last five years was only a hit because it was a duet with Justin Timberlake. What she has been concentrating on are those terrifying arms. It sort of makes sense, though I would probably drop dead from exhaustion in the first five minutes of any zumba class Madonna ran. Why the gym is in Mexico is another question. And why people have to wear all black to work out there is perhaps the best question of all.

8. I am so sad that I don't have tv right now because OH MY GOD I LOVE BAD FIGURE SKATERS. And Vince Neil seems like he would be my favorite on Skating with Celebrities. God love you, stunt programming.

9. It's possible that I am the only person who feels this way, but I am really, really excited that Anne Hathaway and James Franco are hosting the Oscars this year. I am deeply devoted awards show fan, and I feel like they are going to bring all the pretty to the telecast. It's also entirely possible that Anne Hathaway will bring all the awkward and James Franco will decide this gig is the perfect feather in his performance art cap and will bring all the weird. I am so into awkward and weird. This is perhaps why I loved John Stewart as the Oscars host lo, those many years ago. ("Night of a Thousand Sweatpants") I really hope that Anne Hathaway has a chance to do her Katie Holmes impression again. That is genius.

Also, Anne Hathaway, if you are reading this, I cannot stress enough that I need you to wear a very dramatic Oscar de la Renta gown. Or stick with Armani Prive, like your nomination year dress - girl, that was stunning. AND DON'T LET RACHEL ZOE STARVE YOU.

Here's the Armani Prive -


Oh, and James Franco- if you are reading this, I think the boldest choice might be nudity. Give it thought.