Diane Keaton! For reasons other than her outfit!
As I sat there, alone on my couch, I looked around the room with wide eyes exclaiming, "What the actual fuck!?" None of the ghosts or imaginary friends could believe this was happening either.
Guys, this is me trying to look at this ensemble:
Attractive Men With Sad Updos: A Ranking!
Are we doing this? OH YES WE ARE.
Joaquin Phoenix: Slightly Troubling!
Jordan Catalano: The Half-Bun Heard Round the World!
Alex Ebert: Defcon 1
IT'S A HOSPITAL GOWN WITH SURPRISE PANTS!
Melissa Leo wore to the Oscars in 2012. I don't understand the collared shirt. NO ONE understands the collared shirt. The dress is fine without it, a little basic but not offensive. WTF is happening here?
And finally, last but certainly not least...
Oscar dress from last year. Add sleeves. Move the Ruffle of Doom to the front. BLAMMO! Paula Patton's dress. This is one of the craziest and least attractive dresses I have ever seen. And it has inspired me, my dear readers, to institute The Patton Scale. This dress is the top of the Patton Scale and may be invoked at any time during a Rundown. Sample sentence: "On a scale of one to Patton, this dress is a three." And then we'll brand it with this photo.
That's it for the Golden Globes. I am really sorry I didn't include a photo of Idris Elba anywhere because he is very very beautiful and needs to be part of all of our lives. I, do however, have this for you.