But first! The Meh!
Angelina Jolie!
BOOM! Bet you didn't see that one coming! While I was tickled...green by seeing a lot of this color on the red carpet this year, this one was not a favorite for me. It's weirdly blousy around her midsection, and the sequins look a little cheap to me. The hair looks okay in this photo, but on screen it looked thin and sweaty. Don't look sweaty on the red carpet, ladies! (Also, did you notice how weirdly clingy she was being during the show? It was either clingy-clingy while Brad looked bored, or she was reapplying lip gloss.)
Megan Fox!
Snoozefest with stupid tattoo and terrible shoes. Thank god she has mastered the art of SexyFace, though. Otherwise I wouldn't have known it was her.
Nicole Kidman!
While I'm sure we're all very glad that Nicole can move her face again, I'm not sure this shade of cream is the most flattering for her. It's not awful, but it's not good either. And the twee little bow only draws my attention to her belly. Not that she has a belly, but once I get a glimpse of that bow, all I can do is look for non-existent pooch. Oh, and Keith? That hairstyle is not working for you.
Milla Jovovich
Until 5 seconds ago, I was under the impression that girlfriend's name was Milla Jokovich. Seriously. Where did that other v come from? Also, until the night of the Golden Globes I was not aware that Ms. Milla was the coy villain in a grand ballroom scene from Dynasty. "Why Alexis Carrington, wouldn't you like to know!?"
Juliana Margulies
Oh god, really? Shades of this pink kept popping up on the red carpet and it just reminds me too much of blush and bashful. Of course we know that blush and bashful are two entirely different shades of pink, but on the red carpet they all look the same way: amateurish. This could have been saved if the color proportions were swapped. And if the bottom didn't look like a fancy sarong. And if there was a necklace.
Claire Danes!
Here's what went right: hair, cut and structure of dress. Here's what went not right: blush/bashful pink, and ugh that makeup. We'll call it a draw.
Jennifer Love Hewitt!
I have a great deal of affection for JLoHew but this get-up just screams I AM READY TO GET MARRIED! OH GOD PLEASE SOMEONE MARRY ME! Unlike when Kate Hudson in the Marchesa bridal at last year's Golden Globes (which, for the record came off as "You could have had this, suckah"), Miss Thing here has too much going on. The floofy hair, the unflattering waistband, the "underwater vagina" representation on the bust... You know, what? I should have put her in The Bad category.
Jenna Ushkowitz!
Nice try, Jenna. Great color and cute torso but I'm going to need you to go back to the beginning and try it without the ruffles and a different eye shadow.
Christina Hendricks!
Soooooooo close. Great hair, great color, great dress and then there's the RUFFLE. Ugh, Hendricks. Haven't we talked about this?
Vanessa Williams!
The woman is in incredible shape. But there's something off about this that I can't quite put my finger on. It could be the severe hair, the lack of bracelet (I've never bemoaned a lack of bracelet before!), the eye makeup... I don't know, it just seems not quite polished.
Jane Lynch!
It's getting better every time, but she's still not there yet. Personally, I could have done without the ostrich feathers at the bottom, and maybe I would have axed that bracelet. Or at least done something that wasn't so heavy. I am very glad she won an award, though - she totally deserves it! Halfway to EGOT, Jane! Step it up.
Naya Rivera!
Whoa. If not for the tan lines, I would just think she was topless. So, I guess, way to go swimsuit?
Piper Perabo!
The thing that concerns me (besides the lip color) is how satisfied she seems with this look. Without the bow, it's just a boring black dress. With the bow, it's not cute. You guys, here's the thing: this is an Oscar de la Renta. I feel betrayed, somehow.
Lea Michele!
OH MY GOD IT'S ANOTHER OSCAR DE LA RENTA GOWN THAT I DON'T CARE FOR! What is the world coming to, I ask you? Why is this dress blush/bashful? Why is the cocktail ring my favorite part of the ensemble? World... crumbling.
Jennifer Lopez!
I have read so much Go Fug Yourself in this lifetime that now every time I see JLo all I can think is, "Hola, lovers!" The actual dress itself would be fine, if a little snoozy, if left alone and perhaps paired with a bit of a bigger hairstyle. But then there's that... sheer cape. Excuse me, bedazzled sheer cape. What can I say except ay, Dios mio!
I also adore Go Fug Yourself. I do however really like Claire Danes look. Maybe cuz she looks tall and tan. Both things that I am not.
ReplyDeleteI so agree on so many points Meghan - especially the Hendricks ruffle - like she needs more on top? and the terrible color on Nicole - never wear a dress that's exactly the same color you are.
ReplyDeleteAnd - the bedazzled cape!! What was up? Maybe she's trying to make a significant change from the days of the taped-on breast revealer, now that she's a mom and all - and a judge. And I didn't see Juliana Marguiles - who's been looking great recently - how did she let that happen?
Megan Fox. You know, when I first saw Transformers I was drooling the entire time (although somewhat glad that I didn't know any 25 year old girls in high school, because I do place some value on ... you know, not getting held back 8 years). Anyhoo ... then I saw this, and it ruined it for me forever:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.inquisitr.com/wp-content/toethumb_gif1.gif
I <3 Christina Hendricks (she was on Firefly, so I feel I have no choice) but my goodness ... the ruffles are intimidating.
Also, I thought Naya Rivera's "boob job" in Glee was a plot device because honestly, they didn't seem that much bigger, but ... jebus. Those are intimidating.
And don't be talkin' trash about J-Lo's bedazzled sheer cape. Every superhero needs some way to differentiate themselves from the other countless superheroes. AND she spends her days next to Steven Tyler. She's just trying to keep up with the Joneses.
Added note regarding Naya's own golden globes -- she apparently denies having a boob job. HA!
ReplyDeleteCompare this to this.
Right. They just naturally grow like that when someone turns 24.