Let's get this out of the way: I hate Sexy ____ costumes for Halloween. Sexy cat, sexy Willy Wonka, sexy Alice in Wonderland - all of them reveal the truth about the way our society thinks of women: they are all secretly sluts who should show off their bodies to people who will later shame them. Also, they are kind of predictable and boring.
Now. While I loathe Sexy ____ costumes, I have a true and deep love for the most ridiculous Sexy ___ costumes I can find, and I scour every year. I looked on plenty of websites to find the best ones, and then went to that palace of Sexy ___ Costumes, yandy.com, to pull the images. Enjoy this year's stupidest offerings.
Explanatory backdrop sold separately.
Okay, so there is a lot of repetition between all of the sexy bear/dog/fox/wolf costumes. Originally, I was going to include Sexy Fox and make fun of the costume naming people for not calling it Foxy Fox, but then... oh then, I found Sexy Skunk. Can you think of anything more alluring than a skunk? Me neither.
I was not aware that ladybugs had fuzzy legs and mouse ears. Good to know.
Sexy Big Bird
Ah, Halloween. Making beloved Children's Television Workshop characters sexually attractive since 2010. (They also have Elmo and Cookie Monster.) (I decided to spare you.) (You're welcome.)
Want more of your childhood ruined? DONE.
I hate Annie to begin with. This is simply an abomination.
Slimer not included.
You may say, "But Meg, Sexy Belle is just one of the many Sexy Disney Princesses and isn't really that ridiculous." And okay, I see your point. But think about what Belle's character was like in Beauty and the Beast - smart, independant, and constantly frowning on those idiotic Sexy Village Girlswho followed Gaston everywhere. It makes total sense to make the bookworm into what you see above, right?
I have no words. Actually that's a lie. Where the hell is Nemo's wonky fin? ANSWER ME THAT SEXY ____ COSTUME INDUSTRY!
Sexy Mary Poppins
You can tell it's Mary Poppins because of the signature hat and ... yeah, that's it.
I am not interested in any costumes, Halloween or otherwise, that require a Brazilian wax.
Sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Really, it's Sexy Raphael. You can tell by the sai.
Sexy Court Jester
Same leggings as the Sexy Skunk, except in "wacky" colors. I bet those are warm on the shins.
For all of your sexy nightmares!
Speaking of sexy nightmares....
Hold on to the axe and then next year you can be a
No joke, right before I saw this one I thought to myself, One of these days they are going to run out of ideas..." Maybe that day has come?
Sexy George Washington
I cannot tell a lie, the hat makes the outfit.
Please note the sexy bottle of poison under her garter. But, uh, (SPOILER ALERT) Romeo drinks poison and Juliet stabs herself. Learn your Shakespeare, Sexy ___ Costume Industry!
Sexy Lady Gaga
Sexy Gumball Machine
Get it? The gumballs come out of her vagina!
Sexy Remote Control
This is pretty much the most disgusting costume I've seen. You can turn her bad girl up and also dial up her hotness! But my biggest problem with this costume is the accessory - WHY does she have an actual remote control on her garter if she IS a remote control? That's downright confusing.
And finally, my favorite Sexy ____ Blank costume of the year.....
Sexy Phantom of the Opera!
Wow. Just wow.
Happy Halloween everyone!