2019 SAG Awards Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

My dear readers, make yourself a nice cup of tea and settle in for a long read.

THE BAD

Gemma Chan!

If there is one thing we can count on this awards season, it is this: Gemma Chan's knees WILL BE SEEN.

Amy Adams!

I originally had Ms. Amy's belted valance in the Meh until I saw those cliffhangers dangling over the edge of the shoes and I just had to throw the whole thing in the Bad. 

Rachel Bloom!

I feel deeply protective of Rachel Bloom so I am taking this kind of personally. The color washes her out completely, the shoes are boring, and the draping of the dress is unflattering. I can't even imagine a way to fix this for her. It's simply not her dress.

Angela Bassett!

Is this some sort of unholy couture version of a popcorn shirt and what the hell is it doing on Angela Bassett (other than bringing down her whole look)?

Laura Harrier!

This dress is pulled down so the hem touches the floor but that puts her in grave danger of going tits ahoy. Quite beyond the fact that it CUAN, please observe that the matching, deflated water wings are attached to the dress. 

Rachel Weisz!

Question for the designer: what did Rachel Weisz ever do to you?

Jane Fonda!

Her head looks magnificent but other than that ... LOL WUT?!

Betty Gilpin!

One of the less successful tiered dresses of the night. Betty looks like she has been stacked precariously on top of some cupcake wrappers. 

Rhea Seehorn!

Surprise Pants! A boob that spews forth fabric, wrapping itself around the arm to prevent anything but a side hug! Colors eerily reminiscent of the Electric Youth perfume bottle! Disappearing feet! This outfit is doing The Most.

Aja Naomi King!

Another entry in the Straps! Everywhere! hall of fame, but I am concerned that these straps are actually out to get her. They look deeply uncomfortable. I love this color on her but I think the slit is awkwardly placed and the shoes just absolutely clash with the ensemble. 

Lakeith Stanfield!

Points for effort but the cummerbund placement is incorrect and gives the distinct impression that he hit a growth spurt in the last 3 minutes.

Rumer Willis!

Remember playing dress up in your grandmother's fanciest robe?

Britney Young!

Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Madeline Brewer!

That's a bathing suit with some tacky lace over it that one might find by googling "brothel curtain, wild west."

Lucy Boynton!

Lucy: Hrm, this dress is already kind of ugly but can you drape anything over it to make it worse? Also, I want to wear a velvet hair bow like a Civil War widow so try to keep that in mind.
Designer: No problem.

Rachel Brosnahan!

How many belts is too many belts? Asking for a friend.

Darren Criss!

He's the Billy Flynn understudy going on tonight in Chicago, but he's two inches taller than the guy he's subbing for and has a much bigger neck. Razzle dazzle 'em.

Constance Wu!

The color is better than what she wore to the Golden Globes but this is just a glittery towel wrapped and pinned. The length is somewhat awkward and it truly could use a necklace. I just want so much more for her! 

Emma Stone!

Tragically, Emma Stone's sleeve was ripped off by bears who also stole her feet. Thoughts and prayers.

Kimmy Gatewood!

The call is coming from inside the dress! Get out of there Kimmy Gatewood!

Kate Nash!

Listen, the ladies of GLOW really hit this red carpet in a way from which the carpet may never recover. The yoga hair, the puffed sleeves, the remembrall purse, the Lisa Frank of it all... this is your 11 year old self's fever dream in dress form! The whole look is beyond wild.