Monday, May 5, 2014

Derby Hats are the Best Hats

WTS Nation, I have an important announcement: The Met Gala is tonight. As you may remember, last year's theme was Punk which was mostly a freaking disaster. Oh my god, I still see that pink number in my nightmares sometimes. I think our Anna realized how awful it was and so this year she has decreed that all must be in white tie attire - we're talking high society shiny men's shoes and bigass ball gowns. Please look at this quote - "many of the chicest attendees will be wearing custom cuissardes made by ancestral French glovemakers." OF COURSE THEY WILL.

But until then, we have something a bit more playful and a bit less "custom cuissardes" to cover: the Kentucky Derby hats! There is no Good, Meh, or Bad here... just a lot of glorious WTF-ery.

Ladies, if your cheese is pink and growing lilies, you definitely should put it nowhere near your face.

I know it's supposed to be whimsical, but this chapeau strikes me as bleak and depressing. Also, the fit is terrible. Sir, you can go up a size.

You guys! Cheryl James (AKA Salt of Salt N Pepa) was there! And she wore an enormous bow like a Powerpuff Girl! You guys, I know that ain't nobody perfect but I give props to those who deserve it.

I'm pretty sure I need this hat.

Aaaaaaaand I'm pretty sure that this is the same milliner who made the anniversary hat last year. I recognized her My Little Pony style.

Another year, another gigantic rose.

Major fail. The Kentucky Derby is no place for dead flowers in an autumnal palette glued to your head. I mean yes, all the flowers should be glued to one's head but not in shades of brown.

Much better. Do you see where you went wrong, dead flower lady?

Ew.  You look like a Peep. Easter was two weeks ago, lady! Get it together!

"Is Draco alive? Is he at the Derby?"  The whisper was barely audible; her lips were an inch from his ear, her head bent so low that her enormous hat shielded his face from the onlookers. “Yes,” he breathed back. He felt the hand on his chest contract; her nails pierced him. Then it was withdrawn. She had sat up. “California Chrome shall take first place!” Narcissa Malfoy called to the watchers.

I could not possibly love this more. Her hat has a bow that matches her dress and a flamingo wearing a hat. Yes, please, a million times. Also, is it just me or do those flamingos look just a little bit resigned and annoyed?

And finally, the reason most of us get out of bed theses days - Johnny and Tara!
Perfection. Always and forever.

1 comment:

  1. I too, want those flamingos, though I am sadly not hatagenic in the least...