Thursday, May 8, 2014

Met Ball 2014 Fashion Rundown: The Meh

Gird your loins, fashion fans! We have a lot to cover today!


Reese Witherspoon!
 I was so close to putting this in the Good pile. I love the neckline so much and, obviously, pink is a great color for Reese. But the hair drags this look straight into costume for me. Do you see what I see?

Yeeeaaaahhhhhh... it's a little too on the nose for me.

Hayden Panetierre!
 Another almost for me. The dress itself is great and her head hasn't looked this good in ears, but I hate the fabric so much. It reminds me of a bedspread I had in middle school that I thought was girly-edgy. It wasn't and neither is this. CUAN, too.

Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal!
 There is a LOT going on here, so let's deconstruct a bit. Jakey looks pretty great, but I would have liked a different color bowtie and a different cut on the pants. Maggie is wearing a Twister mat in 70s romper room colors... and has NEVER LOOKED BETTER. How. How is this happening like this? She should not at all look this great in this dress. I am flummoxed but also really happy to see her look so great.

Greta Gerwig!
 Except for that sheer wide strap on the left, I'm in love with this dress. It's dramatic, editorial, and looks fantastic on her. However. The shoes? The hair? The makeup? Wooof. The styling is really sinking this.

Taylor Swift!
 More blonde white women! I get this look and it's very elegant but the color and the bangs are making her look about 16 years old. She's at least 18 by this point, right? The shoes on Ms. Redhead in silver, though, are gorgeous.

Maggie Q!
 Reader Beth, I'm sorry to say that the "Jane Eyre hair" is a thing now. Because that's part of the 90s look and the 90s are everything now. Remember Madonna's hair in the Frozen video? It's gonna be like that for the next bit of time. Onto Maggie's fairly fabulous but there's no movement, no flow. My real ish here is how the skirt marries to the bodice. I just can't look at it and like it.

Olivia Munn!
 It's the wrong color and she needs slightly more dramatic makeup. That's all I can say about this because I am SO distracted.

Allison Williams!
 It's too long, your undergarments are betraying their presence and most of all I'm just bored. Snooze, Allison, snooze.

Felicity Jones!
 This is gorgeous. I'm annoyed that she CLEARLY sat down in the limo and allowed her train to get shoved in there. But, that said, I think black isn't showing off the beautiful craftspersonship to its fullest. With her coloring and that (ugh) hair, I'd go with this in a gorgeous cornflower blue. That would make her eyes pop and then you'd be able to see the work in the skirt.

Kristen Wiig!
 Hey girl heyyyy. Okay! We're getting somewhere now. Wiig is going in the SWINTON direction and it's definitely working. If the pants actually had good fit, the shoes were a little bit MORE, and the hair was a bit more structural I think this would be a winner. WIIG! Keep going! Always be thinking SWINTON.

Amy Adams!
 Lose an inch off the bottom and change the color to a dusky rose or a dark gold and we have a winner. Amy, you sweet woman, please stop wearing white and silver like forever.

Kendall Jenner!
 This is a gorgeous dress that is half a size too small and half a shade too light or too dark... really, she could go either way to great effect. And the just-got-out-of-a-convertible hair doesn't help. I don't always love trumpet gowns but this is a stunner.

Zoe Kravitz!
 Zoe, honey, you are super hot; you don't have to try so hard.

Marion Cotillard!
 Love the shoes (but not with this dress). Love the hair (but not with this dress).  Love the idea of the dress but don't love the dress at all -ESPECIALLY the length on that hem. It really needs to be 2 inches shorter. And! Oh lord no! The sheer straps are back! nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Rachel McAdams!
 The fit is great and her head is perfect - she looks gorgeous, like always. But, honestly? It's a boring dress in a boring color and needs a few more accessories.

Anne Hathaway!
 It begins: the parade of midriffs. Lord save us. Of all of the unfortunate midriffs, this is one of the best. Honestly, she looks great but I don't think we needed to see her abs. The styling is PERFECT, you guys.

Dakota Johnson!
 I am super confused about the construction on this dress but it's interesting/unexpected and I like the mix of materials (and I'm really into the gloves with it). Loving her makeup, not loving the hair.

Bee Shaffer!
Jane Eyre hair alert. I love the idea of this dress and she wears ice blue like a pro, but I have to confess that it just looks completely overworked. This dress kind of makes me tired when I look at it. Sorry, Bee. Don't tell your mama.

Diane Kruger (with bonus half of Pacey in the background)!

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West!
 Kanye always looks trapped, doesn't he? Maybe he's trapped in those pants - FAR too slim of a cut for your jib, my friend. Kim looks fairly basic but great. I definitely need those shoes.

Donatella Versace!
 My dear readers, let's just all take a moment to acknowledge the wonder and power that is Donatella. I haaaaate this color on her so much and it looks like she is fighting with the glittery skirt, but there's no denying the drama of this.

Naomi Campbell!
 I mean.... she looks beautiful and is bringing the drama but this is a swimsuit coverup from 1976, right? The fabric isn't helping. The muppet sleeves are DEFINITELY helping. Stay gold, Naomi.

1 comment:

  1. see this is what I mean - this night was so bad, that at least some of these would normally be in the bad pile - but here they are elevated to merely Meh - maybe there should have been a whole Patton category for this evening. Many of these dresses look like student projects that Tim Gunn didn't see in time.
    Is it because it was at an Art Museum that everyone's trying to be so "edgy"?