Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Boots... and doomed couples

I was totally going to write a fashion post about boots but my brain is working overtime, so here's how the chain goes...

Hmmm, I need to buy new boots.
I think I'll buy some cowboy boots.
I should go to Puss in Boots for them.
OR I could get some Docs. I haven't worn Docs in years.
Maybe I could pull off Docs instead of cowboy boots.
Oooh! Docs and dresses! I remember Docs and dresses!
Will I look like I'm wearing a 1992 costume?
Oh man, remember how awesome Winona Ryder looked in Reality Bites?
I love that movie.
I bet Troy and Lelaina broke up in hideous fashion after the end of that movie.

And so, instead of the great boot debate (which you are welcome to weigh in on, cowboy or Docs?) - I present to you a partial list of doomed movie couples.

Troy and Lelaina from Reality Bites

He's immature and she doesn't know what she wants. Eventually I think she will find out that she wants someone who showers at least once a week. Prediction: I think they'll last for about a year and then someone will throw something at the other one's head.

Dorothy Boyd and Jerry Maguire from Jerry Maguire

Oh man, where to start? He asks her to marry him so she won't move to a different city. She is totally in love with him so she says yes. Miraculously, they go through with the marriage. And then, once they are married, he does pretty much everything in his power to avoid her. And she wises up just in time for him to decide he actually does like her after all. And when he gets back, he tries to step up and apologize but she stops him, saying that it was good enough that he just showed up. And with that, DOROTHY, you are basically giving him permission to start this ugly cycle all over again. Prediction: Divorce is imminent, and that cute kid is about to enter the awkward stage.

Cliff and Janet from Singles

By the way, have you started figuring out what kinds of movies I like? I realized that I have 3 movies by the same director on this list, so I'll just put em all in the middle. Stop 2 on the Cameron Crowe tour of doomed love is Janet Livermore and Cliff "Citizen Dick" Poncier, those crazy Seattlites. Now, I have to say that I have a lot of faith in another couple in this same movie - I'm pretty sure that Steve and Linda make it in the long run - but these two are hopeless. They don't really want to be with each other, they just don't want to be alone. She almost gets a boob job for him? He thinks that simply saying "bless you" will get the girl? AND THEN IT DOES!? Prediction: I give them a month. Tops.

Diane Cort and -who else?- Lloyd Dobler from Say Anything

I have been saying for years that I think Lloyd Dobler would be the most annoying person in the world to date. Sure he's cute and all, but he's needy and lacks motivation. All he wants to do is be a good date. He actually says this out loud to people. Just that - be a good date. Honestly, Dobler. Oh, and another thing! Kickboxing is not the sport of the future. Prediction: They get to London, Diane realizes this is a huge mistake but can't get rid of him. They keep sleeping together but they aren't happy about it. Lots of tears from Dobler.

Joel and Clementine from Eternal Sunshine

Okay, this is kind of a cheat because the entire movie is about how they are a doomed couple but they keep running back to each other, whether they know it or not. I'm just sort of impressed that this movie made me sexually attracted to Jim Carey; that simply didn't seem possible. Prediction: Repeated memory wipes, repeated first kisses, repeated tortured love affairs. You know, the end of the movie.

Now, of course, we should probably balance it out and cleanse the palate with a couple of movie couples who I believe will make it work.

Martin and Debi from Grosse Pointe Blank

These two went through a hell of a lot from high school to high school reunion. If she can forgive him and he can make a career change, they are going to be just fine. Though I don't feel like it's a good idea for Martin to stop going to therapy.

Barry and Lena from Punch Drunk Love

The only way this wouldn't end up working out is if she gets too tired of helping him learn how to exist as a human being. For the record, this is one of my favorite movie couples and I don't think I will ever get over the bedroom scene where they are talking about eating each other's faces. For my money, that is true love right there - letting your freak flag fly right in front of another person and then getting to kiss them. Anyone who lets you kiss them after you say you want to eat their eyeballs is a true match.

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