My dear readers, Saturday was not only the royal wedding but also my birthday - BEST BIRTHDAY EVER. Relevant to the interests of this blog, I need to tell you that my sister gave me a necklace that says CUAN. Thank you Reader/Sister Julie for making dreams come true! And now... onto the wedding and what a wedding it was! Rev. Curry's sermon, the lip bite felt 'round the world, the little kids holding hands, Sheku Kanneh-Mason's gorgeous cello pieces, the Kingdom Choir singing "Stand By Me," that one mention of sexual union... what a wedding!
THE DRESSES
I loved them both.
Ceremony Dress!
Sure it was just a teensy bit big in the sleeves but the overall effect was simple, classic, and outstanding. Also loved Harry all cinched into his uniform.
Reception Dress!
This is clearly a still from the new Bond film.
Now let's get on to the main event....
THE HATS
Simple Elegance
Doria Ragland!
Classic and gorgeous. And the hat is okay too!
Abigail Spencer!
One can't go wrong with navy flowers.
Posh!
Everything seems to be in order here.
Lady Kitty Spencer!
Fabulous.
Hats That Are Hiding Stuff
Cathy Cambridge!
Surprise! Hiding flowers and twirlies!
Charlotte Riley!
Surprise! Hiding colorful flowers that coordinate a little too well with her dress!
Priyanka Chopra!
Surprise! Hiding her face!
Hats That Stick Up
Serena Williams!
Like a decorative tuile on a Top Chef's dessert.
Sofia Wellesley!
The fanciest napkin.
Joss Stone!
Joss Stone still exists!
Chelsy Davy!
Chelsy Davy, good sport #1, was sure to wear the pointiest and most terrifying hat to the wedding.
Princess Anne!
And here is the second pointiest.
Hats Literally Attached At The Hairline
Countess Spencer!
Additional points for tallest hat and best cape.
Fergie (Original Flavor)!
Not sure I love the hat but the rest of the look is pretty great.
Sophie Countess of Wessex!
I could be convinced that this hat is actually attached to her right eyebrow. Congratulations, Sophie, on the forwardest hat.
Hats That Are Small Platters
Carole Middleton!
That is the face of a woman who is relieved to just be a guest this time around.
Pippa Middleton!
I like that she chose a hat that highlights the flowers on the dress. I also like that she chose a dress that is eerily reminiscent of a delicious beverage.
Hats That Are Large Platters
Sabrina Dhowre!
A large platter adorned above and below.
Amal Clooney!
A large, sunny platter with sequined mesh.
Camilla!
A large, feathery platter. Very fluffy.
Large Hats
The Queen!
The Queen of England gets to wear the biggest hat!
Oprah!
Scratch that. The Queen of America gets to wear the biggest hat!
Disappointing Hats
Cressida Bonas!
Good sport #2 opted for some sad feathers.
Princess Beatrice!
This is barely a hat! Very disappointed!
Most Disappointing Hat
Princess Eugenie!
After showing up to Wills and Kate's wedding in a uterine toilet seat, this Jackie O cosplay is deeply disappointing.
EDIT: I mixed up my princesses! But it's still disappointing!
My dear readers, we have arrived at my favorite Way Too Shay entry of every year. As always, I must remind you that WTF is not necessarily bad; indeed we have so many good WTF entries today. Let's dig in to this delicious pile.
THE WTF
Janelle Monae!
She is giving you her signature black and white (I think the only time she deviated was the 2014 Met Gala with that faaaaaaaabulous red coat) but this time with a sparkling headscarf and actual halo. It's crazy, it's classic, it's giving me life.
Diane Kruger!
Aside from that fact that it Could Use A Necklace, this is an interestingly shaped mini dress. Kind of boring for Diane, right? BUT WAIT! There's more....
Look at this insane train! Insane in the brain! I'm going off the rails on this crazy train! Other songs about insanity and trains!
Cassie (seen here with Diddy)!
This is proof that Cassie can pull off any look. Even if that look is That Dude at the Oscars in the shrunken tux paired with couture moon shoes.
Sofia Coppola!
Now this would be a bad WTF. This looks like paper dolls made of bags. Touch the fashion, change your life.
Jaden Smith!
Why are there props?!
Mindy Kaling!
Not the most gigantic crown of the night, alas, but loving the hyper virginal white gown. Mindy Kaling was like, Catholic Imagination huh? GOT IT.
Cara Delevingne!
Cara Delevingne came to Met Gala dressed as the confession booth separator screen!!!!!!!
Nick Cave and Susie Bick!
Everything seems to be in order here.
Pharrell Williams and Helen Lasichanh!
Pharrell: Helen, what are you going to wear to the Met Gala this year?
Helen: I was thinking of doing something seasonally inappropriate like maybe a big sweater with a wool coat. How about you?
Pharrell: I was gonna throw on as many gigantic cross necklaces as we have in the house.
Helen: Oh good idea. I'll wear a rosary.
SZA!
I love her headpiece so much! Every time I look at this dress I imagine her going through a doorway and the outermost layers being accidentally shaved off when the full skirt couldn't fit through. I guess I'm imagining a doorway made of knives? Seems dangerous.
Katy Perry!
I am convinced that no one has an easy time peeing at the Met Gala.
Greta Gerwig!
Oh Sister James! I have doubts!
Tracee Ellis Ross!
Tracee Ellis Ross literally showed up as her own mother!!!!!!!!!!!
Lana Del Rey and Jared Leto!
While there is no such thing as "too much" at the Met Gala, this is as close to too much as you can get.
Sarah Jessica Parker (seen here with Andy Cohen)!
Perhaps you think that SJP wearing a full nativity scene on her head is also very close to too much but you are wrong. That aggressive blue eyeshadow is what is close to too much here.
Frances McDormand!
Here she is boys! Here she is world! Here's FRAN!
She is the queen of not giving a shit what you think! This is outstanding and I would put this right at the top of the Tonga Scale.
When I tell you that Claire Danes showed up in one of the ugliest dresses I have ever seen... well, you know we're ready to dive into the real show here.
THE BAD
Letitia Wright!
Oh Shuri nooooo. The fit is off and the gown itself is deeply perplexing. I don't want to go full Tiffany on this but Letitia Wright is everyone's #1 fave right now and I want better for her than two waistlines and a sheer turtleneck.
Kendall Jenner!
Pant legs should not have individual trains.
(Hat tip to Reader Kelley for pointing out the trains. I had previously been concerned about the glove-sleeves.)
Amanda Seyfried!
She's giving you mustard, she's giving you random dance recital sleeve, she's giving you Juliet Capulet fresh out of grad school.
Jennifer Connelly (seen here with Paul Bettany)!
I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.
Shailene Woodley!
Shailene Woodley IS Pauley Perrette AS the Tin Man IN Mod Oz: Emerald City 1965.
Daniel Kaluuya!
I really tried to not put him in the Bad Pile but the pants are a skosh too short, the tie is too small, and I am not feeling this baby blue on him.
Uma Thurman!
The fabric looks cheap, the necklace is a miss, and the hair is straight up mid-90s fifth grade I Forgot It Was Picture Day.
Ruby Rose!
Oh girl. Oh no. Oh no no no.
Kate Upton!
When bad dresses happen to beautiful earrings.
Laura Harrier!
She looks beautiful and I am in love with those shoes but my question is: to which event did Laura Harrier think she was going?
Claire Danes!
WHAT AM I LOOKING AT.
Laura Dern!
Is it a dress? Is it a coat? I think it's a coat. This is a variation on the Giant Cross Across My Boobs but maybe it's an ankh? (Ankh-Ankh) Listen, this isn't horrible but that necklace truly does not work and while it was a Monday I think this look needs more than weekday hair. The look is all over the place.
Yara Shahidi!
I'd like to formally welcome Yara Shahidi to the party since she is no longer a child and can therefore be put in categories other than the Good Pile. Welcome! Now that we're through the pleasantries, do you remember how in Pretty in Pink Molly Ringwald takes apart two perfectly fine dresses and puts them together to make one terrible dress? Welp. It's half-sexy-prom-gown and half-Oklahoma-dream-ballet. The fascinator has nothing to do with the rest of the outfit, that little flower is distracting, and I'm just not sure the shoes match. You deserve better, Yara!
Hailee Steinfeld!
Another fairly recent addition and another yikes. I know I am always calling for a necklace but a necklace and a choker and a crown and unbrushed hair is a bit overwhelming. Also the platform shoes with dark lips and a prom dress is giving me some very Miss World vibes - not in a good way. Furthermore, Kate Upton's dress does not get better when seen from the back. This whole picture is giving me a headache.
Amal and George Clooney!
While I am impressed that the train was made of tin foil (HOW), I am just not feeling this look at all. It seems so casual - it's a tube top, satin pants, and a big train. I do not know what happened with George but that tux is too big on him and it makes him look like a commoner. (For the record, I love the red dress she changed into as detailed in the linked article but we're not featuring it because she didn't wear it on the carpet.)
Kylie Jenner (seen here with Travis Scott)!
When I was a kid, I thought x-ray vision meant you would see people's bras and underwear and I thought that would be cool. I WAS WRONG.
Darren Criss!
That's a lot of look, Darren! Also is it just me or do you think the figures on his jacket are reminiscent of Ecce Homo???
Selena Gomez!
When sexy nightgowns meet beachwear meet bridal couture.
Anne Hathaway!
I mean, first of all let's acknowledge Ruby Rose doing THE MOST in the background. Okay, now on to Annie. I cannot begin to wrap my head around this. I mean I understand not wanting to wear a bra or spanx, but the aggressive stick situation in her hair is beyond me. This dress is absolutely swallowing her whole and you know what? On a scale of 1 - Patton, I'm gonna go ahead and give this look a Full Patton.
