But as evidenced so thoroughly above, Brando was also spectacularly, ruinously handsome. And while he certainly inspired no small amount of teen squeals, he was no teen idol. He left that job to James Dean, who was busy mimicking the Brando scowl and mumble. Crucially, Dean was also more accessible to girls still ambivalent enough about actual sex that they want their objects of affection feminine-faced and shiny, looking like they’ve just come from a facial and an eyebrow wax. (See also Zac Efron, young Leonardo DiCaprio, and David Cassidy.)
It makes so much sense, but I never thought of it before! I started to think about my Hollywood crushes over the years to see if I could find any sort of journey from feminine-featured to, you know, MAN... and then I decided you should come along with me on this (sometimes unfortunate) trip down memory lane. Enjoy the ride!
Okay, so we start with Eddie Furlong. I loved him. I also loved this kid Jared in my grade school who looked just like him oh my god.
Totally still hot... you know, if you're in 8th grade.
Next I made the logical jump to Gilbert Blythe because I was/am a girlnerd.
Gil will always be my #1 main man. I don't need marble arches...you know the rest.
Girlnerdery continued down literature-adapted-for-screen road right to the feet of one very feminine Christian Bale.
Spoiler alert: Every time I watch this movie I yell at Jo when she refuses Laurie.
Then, I suppose I started growing up a little, though I think this era of Depp was a bit feminine-tinged.
Still totally hot, though.
Oh man and then I saw RENT on Broadway and fell deeply and irrevocably in love with Taye Diggs.
I imagine that simply by existing in this world Taye Diggs has restored many a groove.
UGH, I suppose I have to admit to this. Freshman year of college? Definitely had a gigantic Ben Affleck poster in my dorm room.
It's okay, I'm rolling my eyes at myself too.
Then I saw the film version A Streetcar Named Desire for the first time and I was pretty much convinced that I had never actually seen a man before in my life. Affleck who?
Obviously, we nicknamed Streetcar-era Brando "Liquid Sex."
I think perhaps Brando may have been the shift because for a while I was like "Handsome and rugged, please!"
I refuse to reimburse you because you shorted out your laptop drooling over Ken Watanabe...mostly because I have to get mine replaced too.
Oh right! And then I couldn't get over accents, specifically Liam Neeson's.
The craggier he gets, the better he gets. Crows feet on men, amIright!?
I think then I had a moment of drooling over celebrities closer to my age, like sweet sweet Mos Def.
Hot AND funny AND musically inclined? Yes please.
Oh god, and then Kal Penn. I adore Kal Penn. ADORE.
Hot AND funny AND has met the President. Neat!
In the end, you can fall in and out of love a million times, but there's always the one with whom you'd like to grow old.
Mine happens to have a tattoo that says "Wino Forever." Not only hilarious, but practical and maybe true.
That wasn't too embarrassing! Luckily I didn't trace through my rock and roll crushes. Because I mean, when you start here:
...and move on to various members of the Monkees.... yeah, there's no recovering from that.