Thursday, January 22, 2015

Miss Universe brought back the National Costume Category!

My dear readers, you may or may not be aware that a) the Miss Universe pageant still happens and/or b) they stopped doing the National Costume part of the competition recently. Well it still happens and the National Costumes are BACK! If you've never seen this, you are in for a TREAT. It's basically the Sexy ____ of national pride. Let's see what kind of A games the contestants brought this year!

Miss South Africa!
It goes without saying that all of these women are stunning and poised in front of the cameras and audience. On the scale of National Costumes, this is classy and refined. Don't believe me?

Miss Venezuela!
Venezuela: land of fancy showgirl treees.

Miss Japan!
Did I mention that props are permitted and encouraged? Like, you know, SPEARS?

Miss Australia!
Awkward does not begin to describe the blonde white girl wearing a costume called "Aboriginal Dreamtime sunset."

Miss Ireland!
Sexy Iron Throne.

Miss Korea!
You guys, my mom definitely had a t-shirt from EPCOT Center with this same print.

Miss Chile!
This is the equivalent of the one girl at the Halloween party who has an awesome costume but feels depressed because she's not dressed "sexy." Even though she's definitely wearing spurs, which is incredible.

Miss Kosovo!
Well, it's a version of the Kosovo traditional dress.

St. Lucia
Ditto St. Lucia.

Miss Switzerland!
Oh come on, Switzerland! Did you even TRY?!

Miss USA!
That's more like it! Stars and stripes forever! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Miss Ecuador!
PROPS. Also, looking at this ensemble has made me begin to ponder an important question: how hard is it to decide what kind of shoes to wear with these national costumes? The nude platform pumps seem a little weird here but what else would one choose?

Miss France!
You guys - how tall is she? Also, I absolutely love the fact that she's wearing a beret. Because France.
Edited to add: Thank you to Reader Katya for pointing out what I missed: The Eiffel Tower is leading straight up to her la hooha. Fantastique. 

Miss India!
This is gorgeous and amazing. I have nothing mean to say at all. I am in awe of this costume. If it wasn't for Canada, you would be the winner, Miss India.


Miss Jamaica!
It's like legs legs legs legs legs FEATHERS teenytinyhead.

Miss Lithuania!
If Cinderella dressed as Rihanna for Halloween.

Miss Dominican Republic!
I guess you can't really show off your rack while dressed as (and wearing a photo of) your country's patron saint.

Miss Spain!
Showing off the rack while dressed as medieval royalty is totally appropriate, though.

Miss Russia!
WOW. You guys, I'm wearing this to my wedding.

Miss Portugal!
Or this. I can't decide. (PS - check it out - PERFECT shoes.)

Miss Sri Lanka!
I was really afraid we'd go through this whole competition without a vagina waterfall. PHEW.

Miss Great Britain!
That is straight up a Sexy Beefeater costume. If you are going to be so OBVIOUS about it, please be more like Canada.

Are you ready?

You are not ready.

It's so good. Here she is..........

Miss Canada! The Best Costume Ever!


  1. This is my everything today!

    ~Jenny T.

  2. Re: Miss Ecuador's shoes: she should have gotten orange pumps to pull out the orange in her costume.

    Also, CANADA for the WIN! They are after my heart......

  3. I thought the SAME thing about Miss Ecuador. I actually reviewed her outfit, got to her shoes and thought, "Ew, those look tacky." Then I remembered the rest of what she was wearing. She looks like the Spring Collection at Pier One.

  4. Also, is France's skirt *supposed* to sort of resemble a French Poodle?

    And how could the eiffel tower P-in-V simulation not be on purpose? And how exactly are the instructions written up that explain the criteria for making these dresses?

  5. I had a really sad morning and this makes everything better!!