THE BAD!
Amy Adams!
The gown itself is fairly basic and not terribly offensive. I'm having major problems with this color, though. Periwinkle is not your friend, Amy Adams! And those dye to match shoes aren't doing you any favors either. Ugh, every time I see this gown I get more and more angry because the fit is so lovely and it's just RUINED by color.
Taylor Schilling!
This is the gown equivalent of the I Have No Idea What I'm Doing dog.
Emily Blunt!
I hate the top of this so, so much. It looks so unfinished and unflattering. Hate. Haaaaaate. (Love the jewelry.)
Zosia Mamet!
Hahahahahah WUT. No, go home. This is embarrassing.
Lana Del Rey!
Priscilla Presley IS the Little Mermaid at Studio 54! She wants to be part of your disco world!
Robin Wright!
This feels half-assed and looks sloppy and boring. I think I liked it better when she was pretending to be David Bowie minus feet.
Tina Fey!
Here it is: Tina Fey's first joke of the night. Seriously, though, cut it at that awkward balloon hem and add a necklace and some opaque black tights and wear it to the Independent Spirit Awards. THAT would be adorable.
Maggie Gyllenhaal!
Too tight in the waist, too small in the bust, a bad color for her, and those horrible darts make her look like the owner of the biggest nipples in Hollywood. This whole thing is a mess.
Natasha Lyonne!
Needs a bigger blowout, a far more interesting bag, and a dress that fits.
Lupita Nyong'o!
My dear readers, you know this pains me. That dress, though - oy. I get what we're going for but I hate it a lot. From far away it looks like the dress gives up about halfway down. Close up, there are fake flowers all over her torso.
Patricia Arquette!
Oh girl, oh no. No no no.
Sienna Miller!
It doesn't fit and it looks unfinished. Sienna, I don't know who told you you were edgy but I wish you hadn't believed them. Just once I'd love to see you in showstopping glamour.
Dakota Johnson!
Look at her trying so hard. Who made you try this hard, lady? Simple is your friend. Liberace's bedroom curtains are not.
Melissa McCarthy!
Fun fact: the technical term for what is around her neck is "pussy bow." I dislike pussy bows. I dislike this look for Melissa McCarthy. By A LOT. You guys know how I love a puffed sleeve, but the spinster principal look at the Golden Globes is a hard NO.
Chrissy Teigen!
The overworked pink crochet codpiece is one of the funniest and perhaps most tragic things we saw on the red carpet.
Kerry Washington!
I did not know they made dresses out of hammered tin!
OMFG Kristen Wiig!
Guys, why is Kristen Wiig dressed as a 1970s teenage bride? I want to know what events led her to putting this dress on her body and keeping it on. On the Patton scale, this is a SOLID 8.
That Priscilla Presley comment made me pee into my pink crocheted codpiece a little. What I do like about Siena's dress is the deep 70's V that only small-breasted women like myself can pull off (not J Lo) which is probably why I like it. There were a few deep Vs at the GGs (and wasn't Lupita's Oscar dress a deep V?), which is a trend I can support.
ReplyDeleteOkay, this cris-crossed boob covering trend has got to stop. Emily Blunt, Taylor Schilling, Rosamund Pike.. It goes on. The deep V is concerning too, because we have some potential for disaster. But on the other hand, it's hilarious so maybe just bring it.
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