Met Gala 2018 Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh!

Oh so much to cover today, my dear readers. This time it is the almost-greats and the pretty-but-borings. 

THE MEH

Kerry Washington!

As longtime readers know, Kerry Washington and I are not drawn to the same things sartorially speaking. That said, I saw this from the back at first and it is breathtaking.

This photo was sorted into the Good Pile because the hair, the cutout, the color, the hairpiece... it's all so great. I was so disappointed when I saw it from the front because it just doesn't have the same drama.

Gabrielle Union!

This is wonderful for the Oscars.

Idris Elba (seen here with Sabrina Dhowre)!

This is great for the Golden Globes.

Salma Hayek!

This is fantastic for the Independent Spirit Awards.

Rooney Mara!

Reader Kate said this dress was what she thought of when she read the statement "she looks how Catholicism feels." And I totally agree. This pinned down silhouette was popular this year. Rooney did it in blue bathroom wallpaper.

Naomi Watts!

Naomi Watts did it in gold living room wall paper.

Alicia Vikander!

And Tomb Raider 2.0 did it in black tie camo. 

Jennifer Lopez!

I felt that a lot of the Giant Cross Across My Boobs looks were a little boring, honestly. I'm a little concerned because it looks almost like she's been caught in place by some hardened lava, but surely if anyone can figure a way out of that situation it's JLo.

Madonna!

Another Giant Cross Across My Boobs look here. For someone who made her fame on shocking Catholics, I expected something a little more than a rehearsal skirt and a crown. That said, it's not a weak look it's simply that I expected more from the entire reason I was not allowed to watch MTV until I was 14.

Evan Rachel Wood!

This cloak is very cool but her pants are very long.

Michelle Williams!

Cool dress but wrong party, wrong bag.

Issa Rae!

A flawless fit on a gorgeous gown and good styling. Alas, comparatively it's understated and I hoped for more.

Nicki Minaj!

Then again be careful what you wish for because this is definitely "more" but also slightly too much! I love this headpiece framing her face so beautifully but she is so tiny and the decolletage is pushed so high it stumpifies her and makes her look like she's lost her neck. It's jarring to see this long, dramatic train and then no neck. I think I would have re-thought how the headpiece was worn and maybe have it drape down her hair instead of framing the face.

Emma Stone!

She just sort of looks like she's melting, doesn't she? 

Bella Hadid!

 Bella Hadid could not decide which material she wanted to wear so she just wore them all at the same time, continuity be damned!

Winnie Harlow!

From the clavicles up, this is pure perfection. This was my favorite headpiece of the night and that is what I mean when I talk about a necklace. From the clavicles down, unfortunately, it's a prom dress and a kind of boring one at that.

Scarlett Johansson!

This is so beautiful but like Issa Rae's look it was comparatively understated and I hoped for more.

Ruth Negga!

Snoozefest.

Tessa Thompson!

For me, it's a victim of styling. The dress is an interesting shape and fits well and the jacket is a beautiful touch. The priest collar choker isn't working with the look, it's working against it and I am not enjoying the makeup. I think maybe a different lip and keeping the white eyeliner to only the bottom lash line would turn it around for me. All in all, a decent showing! 

Juliette Binoche!

Aside from the dreaded cold shoulder, she looks almost exactly like the statue of the Virgin Mary I had on my shelves for my entire childhood. Too bad this color makes her look like she got over the flu 2 hours ago.

Mary J. Blige!

Gigantic Boots Part 1! I love that MJB is sticking with this neckline - it's a good one for her. I think this look would have been in the Good Pile if the slit started about 2 inches further down.

Donatella Versace!

Gigantic Boots Part 2! I think this is a cool look? But maybe it's not? It might actually just be an embellished sweater dress with a big ole skirt over it? And I might be into it? On a score of 1- Donatella, this is pretty good. As you can see I am very torn and that's why it is in the Meh Pile. 

Tiffany Haddish!

The pants are a skosh too long, as was Tiffany's nap because she cleary woke up half an hour before she had to be on the carpet and did not have time to put on makeup or nails.

Zoe Kravitz!

This is provocative, sexy, and one accidental snag away from naked city. This look is difficult to pull off and while I do think it's a little "extra" she's making it work.

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen!

Mary Kate looks like a disaster held together with fridge magnets and Ashley looks like a bohemian angel so averaging the two caftans I come up with a median score of Meh.

Donald Glover!

It fits great, I love the color of the suit on him, and the back was really cool (as seen in yesterday's Ariana Grande photo).

But I super duper hate that white bowtie.

Brooke Shields!

Tell me something I don't know, Brooke Shields.

Olivia Munn!

I mean, I get it. I just don't think it's all that special. The sheer panel in the front cheapens the look, just makes it look less expensive when expensive is kind of what this event is going for. (Also, yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes girl.)

Lena Dunham!

Sure.

Kate Bosworth!

Virgin Cinderella wedding fantasy.

Amber Heard!

The dress fits like a dream, the headpiece is very cool, but her makeup and hair are all wrong. I don't understand why anyone would look at this outfit and choose this lipstick.

Bee Shaffer and Anna Wintour!

This necklace and that bag are the closest these two have been to dressing in theme in years so I'll give them some points for it. Otherwise, it's just okay.

Rita Ora!

Thanks to Reader Colin I started listening to the brilliant podcast Who? Weekly and thanks to Who? Weekly I've come to love the #1 Who, Rita Ora. She has impressed me in the past at the Met Gala but unfortunately this year but only just okay. The headpiece is great, the Lisa Frank Goes to a Funeral print is fun, but there's just not a lot of there there. 

Met Gala 2018 Red Carpet Rundown: The Good!

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Last night's Met Gala was themed Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination and boy howdy did the celebrities take this opportunity to make themselves look like saints. Seriously, I have never seen so many halo-inspired headpieces and I am HERE FOR IT. So much good head last night (pun absolutely intended) and so so many unforgettable looks. Even though Beyonce took one look at the invite and was like "nah," we have a lot of ground to cover. The Met Gala is always the most interesting red carpet event of the year because it's kind of a costume party which give permission for everyone to go so far over the top it loops back around to sensible. Because if you get the chance to stomp the red carpet at something celebrating Catholicism, why wouldn't you dress as Joan of Arc?!?!

THE GOOD

Zendaya!

Hands down my favorite look of the night. High fashion Joan of Arc is everything. The chain mail, the armor, the intense but flirtatious hair, sky high heels, gorgeous rings. I'm so in love with this look at this event. 

Lena Waithe!

I adore this. The suit is right, the face and hair are right, the brooches are gorgeous, and the cape is EVERYTHING. Love that Lena is repping the new flag birthed here in Philly! This is gorgeous and what a statement it makes considering the event theme.

Lynda Carter!

Talk about statements to make! Not only does OG Wonder Woman look absolutely stunning in this teal showstopper, her crown says "Never Forget" in Hebrew. Amazing. 

Gigi Hadid!

I don't think it has anything to do with the theme but this dress made me gasp. It's stunning on its own but the way it plays against her skin tone elevates the effect. So often I'm telling people something isn't their color or bemoaning people who wear dresses the same color as their skin, but this is kind of the opposite of that and I cannot imagine it was easy to get right.

Priyanka Chopra!

Another look that caught my breath right in my throat. This is STUNNING. The length on the column is perfect, the headpiece and capelet are beyond gorgeous, and while I would normally deride velvet in May (more on that later) it's just the perfect fabric and color to balance the lacy metal work on top. It bears repeating: this is stunning.

Michael B. Jordan!

Internationally recognized hottie bo bottie Michael B. Jordan is wearing the hell out of this suit. The fabric is cool, the fit is good, and he's really cinched in there (which I enjoy). I'm gonna be real with you: I actually have no idea if I totally like this look (especially the cuff) because I keep trying to look at it with an objective eye and it's kind of impossible with MBJ. 

Emilia Clarke!

Ornate church ceiling fabulosity here. The dress is very cool, the crown is awesome, the blush is FAR TOO MUCH, but I am really loving this picture showing one of the many assistants and handlers who spent their entire evening squatting on the ground to fan the trains. Well fanned, sir.

Cynthia Erivo!

I am less excited about this velvet in May because the construction of the cutouts make me think breezy, make me think summer, and make me wish we did this in something about half as heavy. That said, the color is a dream on her and her makeup!!!!! 

Look at the magnificence of her bejeweled eyebrows! I died. RIP me.

Jasmine Sanders!

It kind of has nothing to do with the theme but she was the prettiest princess at the ball.

Luka Sabbat!

This is simply fabulous. And, look, Reader Lois! A cummerbund! 

Sarah Paulson!

Hear me out. Considering the subject, considering the theme, considering what we have seen and what may have been, I think this is a particularly good showing from our Sarah. It's regal, severe, and frosty in that perfectly Catholic way.

Travis Scott (seen here with Kylie Jenner)!

I cannot get enough of this military-inspired tux. I am truly gaga over this look. Kylie we'll address in a different post.

Blake Lively!

My god that is a gorgeous gown. When I look at this gown all I can think of is the labor that went into the construction. Holy moly, what a look.

Eiza Gonzalez!

Otherwise known as the Girl in the Yellow Dress, Eiza brought it to this red carpet. I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking at but I know it is gasp-worthy.

Lily Collins!

I love this neckline. I'm not super in love with the sheer to the floor part of the skirt but I appreciate how it gives the illusion of knee high socks, evoking school uniforms for me. Pair that with her Lady Liberty headpiece and the beautiful touch of crying blood and I am here for the theatricality of this look. 

Migos!

Look, I'm just as surprised as you but Offset, Quavo, and Takeoff knocked it out of the park.

Cardi B!

Giving you Virgin Mother opulence darling!

Ariana Grande!

Everything seems to be in order here. This is pretty and youthful and fun and totally on-brand for her. Can't believe she's the only one who wore a Sistine Chapel print! 

Kim Kardashian!

My sister sent me a text yesterday wondering if Kim K. dressed as a chalice to go with the theme. I think she might be onto something! No matter what the inspiration, she looks flawless and the construction that is going on underneath this dress is something of a miracle.

Solange!

I was not ready and we are not worthy. This is not an outfit, this is an event.

Chadwick Boseman!

Extraordinary and impressive. All hail the archbishop of this red carpet. The detail! The shoes! Amazing look.

Rihanna!

If Chadwick is the archbishop, surely Rihanna is the Pope! Like Solange's outfit, this too is an event. This is magnificent and it must have weighed about a million pounds. Who else but Rihanna could bring you Hot Pope to this red carpet? Rihanna, you are a gift. 

2018 Derby Hats!

It has been a minute, my dear readers! This is going to be a big week for us - derby hats today and then of course tonight is the first Monday in May so we'll be discussing the Met Gala for the rest of the week. The theme this year is "Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination" and this Catholic is completely stoked! But before we get to that, let's discuss some of the superlatives of this weekend's Kentucky Derby hats. 

Most Ascot Gavotte!

Paul and Dee Dee Sorvino saw the revival of My Fair Lady at Lincoln Center and were very inspired. What a smashing, positively dashing spectacle! 

Most Brotastic!

Mr. Mint Julep definitely seems like the kind of guy who thinks hats are "for girls." 

Best Dr. Seuss Character!

Do you like the hat on him? I don't think it's just a whim! His giant poufs may seem quite reckless but I appreciate the necklace.

Best Side Hat!

Laila Ali bringing the gravity-defying fabulosity. 

Biggest Flower/Best Ode to the Vagina!

Jeez I thought I was obsessed with the new Janelle Monae video....This is wonderfully huge and decidedly labial. Into it.

Most Reliable!

This dude can be relied on to show up in a very literal hat with the horsey topper every year. See? It's nice to be able to count on something.

Worst Attempt!

She's not even trying! I'd place a lot of money on a bet that this is her actual beach hat. Someone find me a bookie. 

Best Bridal Shower Hat!

Whoever made this hat has been a bridesmaid a few times too many!

Best Johnny Weir!

There is nothing that needs be said. We love and honor you, Johnny!

Oscars 2018 Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

We are finally in the home stretch, my dear readers! We have a handful of WTF entries this time including one of the most truly baffling fashion choices I've ever seen. Ready? I know you are.

THE WTF

Mahershala Ali!

This is the biggest mystery of the night to me. It APPEARS that Mahershala is wearing a second, blue button-down shirt under his black button-down shirt. Here's a closer look:

Are you also seeing this or am I on glue? This is happening, right? BUT WHY.

Matthew McConaughey (seen here with Camila Alves)!

These two were clearly cosplaying as Hungover Bride and Groom. No one can convince me otherwise.

Haley Bennett!

You know what this perfectly nice black dress needs? A mesh turtleneck AND SOME SOD.

St. Vincent!

May god bless and keep you, Annie. And may you sell many cigarettes tonight.

Nicole Kidman!

That's a lot of bow! 

James Ivory!

I once made a pact with a friend that if I ever win an award that requires a speech, I will include "Reese Witherspoon's grandmother" in my list of thank yous. I assume a similar pact was made by James Ivory about literally wearing Timothee Chalamet's face to the Oscars. 

Shane "That Dude" Vieau (seen here with Jeffrey Melvin and Paul D. Austerberry)!

And you may find yourself in Adidas at the Oscars. 
And you may find yourself wearing sunglasses inside. 
And you may find yourself without sleeves on your tux. 
And you may ask yourself: My god, what have I done? 

(Cocaine. The answer seems to be cocaine. Or some other very powerful drugs. The kind of powerful drugs that convinces an adult human to combine a standard tux shirt with a decidedly not standard tux jacket. That kind of drugs.)