2019 Met Gala Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

Today we feature some of the worst dresses these eyes have ever seen. I'm glad you're here to suffer with me, my dear readers.

THE BAD

Awkwafina!

All I really can say to this is go back to Party City where you belong.

Abbey Lee Kershaw!

The proportions on this are hella awkward, it's too short, the makeup doesn't have a ton to do with the look, and something about the seashells is very off. 

Darren Criss!

Someone was saying this was one of their favorite looks and I would like that person to please explain why. It seems to me that we're meant to consume this look bow-first but because so much else is black on this ensemble, my eye is pushed directly to the jacket and the makeup. Regarding the jacket: it's a no from me, dog. Regarding the makeup: yeah, Queen Amidala was cool and all but wut? I've seen a couple of places saying he was channeling the stock commedia character Harlequin but I've spent enough time with clown people in my life to give that explanation a hearty Sure Jan.

Donatella Versace!

When I first saw this I just thought it was kind of tacky with a bad shoe. Then I really saw it.

Come on, Don! You can't just write "DIVINE" and "MORE" on a skirt and glue it to a catsuit and call it a day. How can something so loud be so snoozy!?

Aquaria!

Oh girl, oh no. Oh no no no.

Josephine Skriver!

She just really wanted to combine her love for Coachella, the middle section of her thighs, and the color beige.

Alexander Skarsgard!

Thinks of Alexander Skarsgard as a placeholder for all of the men who did jack shit for this event. How very dare you.

Paloma Elsesser!

I swear A'Keria almost got sent home in this look from the Farm to Runway challenge. I suppose I understand the intent here - high fashion looks from denim are very camp. Just think about WTS patron saints Britney and Justin! This is just not hitting the mark for me. Maybe if it touched the ground and had a majestic denim train, and then amplify the jewels to be very high end and give it a giant hair moment, then yes I can see this being a great expression of camp. Unfortunately in its current form, it just looks like she has taste issues.

Julianne Moore!

Speaking of taste issues.... Jules, the call is coming from inside the dress. Get out of there! 

Regina Hall!

I have been trying to come up with something to say about this for days now and I think I finally figured it out! I love her makeup and hair but as for the rest of it? I hate it. 

Kristen Stewart!

This just in: Kristen Stewart is only happy when it rains.

Katie Holmes!

I've softened slightly, perhaps, since I first sorted these photos into piles because I'm looking at Katie and thinking maybe it's not to terrible. Maybe it's just Meh? But then I start to look at the seam down the middle that seems to accentuate her mid-section, and how the ruching doesn't exaaaaaaaaaaaaactly line up, and the makeup is a little too close in color to the antlers/leaves/shoulder piece thingy, and the wrong bag and earrings and I guess if I tally the scores from each column, I'll just keep her here in the Bad. On a different note, I have been trying FOR DAYS to figure out who that is behind Ms. Holmes in the overalls and silver sun hat. If you have information about this, please call our tip line 555-WHAT-YES. 

Gal Gadot!

World's most expensive swim cap, crotch-high boots and a mock turtleneck beach coverup. (And Stella Maxwell in the background again!)

Kris Jenner!

If there had been a parade float hanging out in the castle, this is what it would look like when it returned to human form at the end of Beauty and the Beast. Still waiting on Marie with those baguettes, by the way. 

Solange!

It looks like someone photoshopped out her midsection.

Winnie Harlow!

I originally saw this and thought, well, ok. Not really sure I love the feather cape in black but it is eye catching. And then I saw it without the feathers.

Wowza. This really does evoke Carnival but it also evokes feelings of anxiety in me. Specifically, vulva-exposure anxiety. 

Stella Maxwell!

Speaking of vulva-exposure anxiety... here she is boys! Here she is world! Here's Stella! Stars have officially had their turn on the red carpet and now they are over. I declare it! Nay, I decree it! 

Lena Dunham and Jemima Kirke (with Christopher Kane)!

Ugh, you're exhausting. I'm exhausted!

Rachel Brosnahan!

Remember when I thought Rachel's flower dress at last year's Tony Awards was overkill? Oh, sweet summer child. This is nothing less than a Full Patton.