Oscars 2018 Red Carpet Rundown: The Meh!

After a snow day off, we are back and ready to dive right into it. We'll start with the crowd-sourced contribution to this pile...

THE MEH

Timothee Chalamet!

With 44% of the vote, The Mehs have it. I agree with what many of you said: from the ankle up, it's pretty good! Sure, the sleeves are too long by a skosh and the all-white makes him appear younger than he is but the real problem here is the pant length plus boot choice. Some comments: "I think it's a bootie issue." - Reader Kate.  "Why the black ankle boots?" - Reader Cindy.  "Shakes fist." - Reader Lois. "CUAN!" - Reader Brbr  

Kumail Nanjiani (seen here with Emily V. Gordon!)

Internationally-Recognized-Imaginary-Boyfriend Kumail Nanjiani looks pretty good but I do feel that the tux is slightly too tight, just a hair too short, and OH MY GOD I HATE THOSE SHOES. Perfect bowtie size, though. (Even though I have spent many hours of my life reading Emily V. Gordon's writing, I still consider her a Normal and that is a shame because I have Things To Say.)

Lupita Nyong'o!

It's pretty and it fits her well but it comes off a little bit pageant sash for my tastes. Simply put, this is not a special enough dress to be worn by Lupita.

Allison Williams!

Just imagine how stunning this would be in a deep rose (and that would be a cute nod to Get Out) with a pinky pink lip stain. It really would have been a wow.

Armie Hammer!

He looks fabulous but why are the pants velvet too? It makes it look less like a tux and more like a Juicy tracksuit.

Whoopi Goldberg!

The shape, the construction, the fit, the style - all gorgeous! The fabric? Couch upholstery from 1991.

Gal Gadot!

It's a pretty dress and she can definitely wear this 20s style well, but I think the fringe is about 2-3 inches too long. The real issue I take is with an element of the styling: she is taped into this thing all along the neckline and at the top front, but not taped in under her arms so it looks like it's pooling there and it gives an unfortunate bulge that makes the dress look ill-fitting. Either more tape or less is the solution.

Beanie Feldstein!

Oh how I wish this didn't ombre. 

Daniel Kaluuya!

Something I learned about myself from this year's Oscars: I love velvet tux jackets with satin shawl collars.  I am excited by this color combination on Daniel Kaluuya but really not excited about the length of his pants. I feel okay about the shoes, but not super in love. 

Lesley Manville!

I actually can't tell if I think it's pretty - I might? Sure? I decided to grade on a curve and include her here. I will say that the way the fabric is used reminds me of how bad I am at wrapping presents and always have to add little scraps of paper to cover up the blank spots I missed.

Margot Robbie!

An elegant dress that fits her to perfection with deeply confusing garland. She could use a necklace and a different hairdo but my god what a great bag. 

Danai Gurira!

I tried to hard to include this in the Good pile but the fit of the dress is off just enough that I couldn't do it. This silhouette is really tricky because the tailoring has to be precise for it to work. It's just a little too long and not quite right in the torso. WHICH IS A DAMN SHAME because otherwise she looks amazing and it looks perfect from the back. Look at this!

Yowza.

Frances McDormand!

On a scale of 1 to Frances McDormand, this was surprisingly not underdressed or shapeless. And I thought her hair looked fabulous. So here we are.

Taraji P. Henson!

It's hard for me to wrap my head around how this dress can be so revealing but also so elegant. I give all the credit to Taraji for wearing it so well. Well, and I give credit to her styling team for keeping it simple with the hair, makeup, and accessories. But we have to talk about a real and true fashion problem that impacts real people and not just stars. We need more colors of "nude" bras. Nude should not default to beige, nude should be a range of colors for all skin tones. Some undergarment companies are getting the memo but there still needs to be more availability. Because I do not wish for Taraji to have her look ruined with a beige bra and I don't wish it for anyone else either. This is my version of asking for nudes.

Sandra Bullock!

Snoozefest. Also, shame on you for doing that misogynistic bullshit bit about lowering the lights so you look younger. Sandy, you're better than that.

Laura Dern!

I toss a dish towel over my shoulder when I'm cooking so, yeah, I get it.

Sam Rockwell (seen here with the amazing and hilarious Leslie Bibb)!

I'm not in love with the fit, I don't like this fabric, and the tie is quite wee. That said, I saw that his cufflinks literally say "Leslie Bibb" so the whole outfit is saved by our shared love for her.

Betty Gabriel!

Oooohhhhh... yes... I love it! Turn around....

Oh no. Why do both the front and the back look like they should be the back? Also am I seeing through the skirt? I don't want that. I don't want that at all. 

Gina Rodriguez!

This dress is pretty cool but I want a shallower V on the top. And a different lipstick, maybe something purple.

Viola Davis!

This color is really fun on her and her head looks fabulous but the fit is wrong on the top of the dress and the way the cups are detailed does not help matters. I get the feeling she had to keep her shoulders scrunched all night to keep the straps up. Viola Davis deserves better than scrunched shoulders.