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One taught me love

One taught me patience

One taught me pain

Sexy _______ Halloween Costume Roundup 2018!

My dear goblins and ghouls, welcome to my most dearly held Way Too Shay tradition: the annual shakedown of what is new in sexy Halloween costumes! As longtime readers know, we've been through a lot with Yandy.com (and newcomer 3 Wishes) and yet there is always some new way to market yourself for consumption on Halloween. But this year is really special for me and for all of you because this year.... you are not going to believe this...this year YANDY MADE A SEXY ____ MET GALA COSTUME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If this isn't specifically for all of us Way Too Shay-ers, I do not know what is. I give you....

Sexy Rihanna's Met Gala Pope Outfit!

Honestly, I wanted to save this for the final entry this year but I just absolutley have to lead with this moment of perfect synergy. And if you doubt that this is definitely meant to be RiRi's incredible Pope look from the Heavenly Bodies gala in May, please note that the people who are in charge of making sure no one at Yandy gets sued for copyright infringement called this the Shining Bright Pope Costume. I bow to you, Yandy. This is the highlight of my day!

Sexy Aquaman!

Right, Batman, Robin, you find some way to block future transmissions.  Wonder Woman, you stop Dr. Spiker and find out what he knows.  Flash, run to the Andes Mountains and get those plants.  I'll go stop the missiles that have already been launched.  Aquaman, you go...talk to some fish!

Sexy Wolf!

There are only a couple of new Sexy ____ costumes for men this year and here's one of them. Gents, may I recommend in the current climate that you do not at all dress as a sexy predator? Bro, don't do it. 

Sexy Egyptian God!

I want you to think very, very carefully before you choose this costume. There are two questions to consider: 1. Am I Egyptian? 2. Am I Christian Bale? If you did not answer yes to either of those questions, bro, don't do it.

Sexy Black Panther!

Redundant but okay.

Sexy Killmonger!

Double redundant but okay.

Sexy Dora Milaje!

EXTRAORDINARILY redundant but okay. Also this model was only given one pair of shoes.

Sexy Slender Man!

What is going on here? Why is this happening!? 

Sexy Assassin's Creed!

When you gotta put the ass in assassin.

Sexy Sherlock Holmes!

This one is very special to me. Way back many years ago, the first Sexy ____ costume I ever saw in the wilds of Philadelphia was a Sexy Sherlock Holmes. I was like, the game is afoot indeed! This one is extra good because it's basically a bathing suit and a sheer trench. How delightfully awful!

Sexy Flashdance!

What a feeling! Being's believing! I can have it all! Now I'm dancing for my life! (Welding mask not included.)

Sexy Frog Prince!

Sure, why not?

Sexy Rocket Raccoon!

Somehow this was the only Sexy Guardians costume I found? I don't understand it either. Definitely disappointed to miss out on Sexy Groot.

Sexy Jack Skellington!

This is Halloween! This is Halloween! Halloween!

Sexy Roger Rabbit!

Okay, I am going to give Yandy some credit because this is a kind of creative take on Roger Rabbit. That said...

Sexy Jessica Rabbit!

Jessica Rabbit is already sexy, you nitwits! This is wholly unnecessary! And speaking of wholly unnecessary....

Sexy Stormy Daniels!

I'm really sorry for making you look at this but, in fairness, I can't unsee it so now neither can you. But I'd like to atone....

Sexy Cactus!

THIS IS HILARIOUS AND AMAZING. Sexy Cactus is a strong contender and probably would have been my favorite if Sexy Rihanna At The Met Ball didn't exist. Sexy Cactus. Hilar.

Sexy Meghan Markle!

This is the height of disrespect for my princess! How very dare you! 

We're just about at the end of the roundup but I wanted to end with something special, something very Halloween-y. 

Pennywise!

Sexy Pennywise!

There you have IT! Happy Halloween everyone! I'll see myself out!

Emmy Awards 2018 Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

I always get a little sad when we come to the end of our red carpet rundowns. It feels like we've been through a lot together and I'm a little wistful to see it go. But such is the ephemeral beauty of awards show fashion.

THE WTF

Zazie Beetz!

This is one of those hallowed good-WTF entries. Why is she wearing ornate armor as part of her dress? No idea but I am here for it.

Carol Kane!

The dream of the 90s is alive in Carol Kane's closet.

Alex Borstein!

A few wut parts of this add up to a WTF for me. First, reclaiming your former wedding gown as red carpet wear - cool! I guess! Sounds healthy and empowering! But did this wrap jacket situation come with the original? Because it's kind of not great. Mostly, though we are here because of the shimmy. I know a lot of you don't watch the shows and are just here for the pictures so may I please direct you to The Shimmy Heard Round The World.

Mario Lopez!

What hath Pharrell wrought?

Jennifer Lewis!

What a treasure this woman is. She shows up in some leggings, sneakers, a statement sweatshirt, and just LOADS of diamonds. For God so loved the world, God gave us Jennifer Lewis... but this is still sneakers on the red carpet. And even though the ad campaign she's supporting was great, Nike is still trash for commodifying protest, among other problematic things.

Amy Sherman Palladino!

Someone needs to stop watching The Greatest Showman before bed every night.

Laura Dern!

I mean, I get the joke of it looking like a suit with the foundation garments on the outside and I think fashion can be humorous and fun but this is way more me laughing at it than with it. In short, LOL WUT.

Joe Keery!

I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.

Claire Foy!

Slicked hair, two different shoes, glorified sheet dress... I honestly think her limo showed up while she was mid-shower and she just improvised a dress out of the shower curtain and ran. Look at the back!

You will not convince me otherwise.

The Fab Five!

Taking these boys as a group because they will not be known separately for the moment, let's go left to right. Jonathan WUT NO. Sheer turtlenecks are not our friends and, while I like the idea of wearing a ladies suit, it's not a good fit. Bobby looks pretty great but on the show why will no one help Bobby? He has to do so much more work than everyone else and it hurts me. The fit on Tan's suit is great but I dislike the frayed edges. It's the same designer as Laura Dern's dress so I'm sure it's meant to say or evoke something but I just don't like it. Antoni looks absolutely perfect and for some reason I am irritated by this. I have no idea why Karamo is wearing his beautiful suit with riding boots and a large picnic cape but I am, as the kids would say, living. Those are my individual thoughts. Looking at everything together, though, I sort of feel like what am I even seeing?

Tracee Ellis Ross!

Bringing it all home is TER, risk taker and bon vivant. This is hilarious and outrageous and very pink and kind of bananas. Why is she holding it up? Did she have to hold it up all night? What must it have been like to sit next to TER in the auditorium? Also I feel like this is some sort of evolution of her Met Gala look which really tips the scales for me. Folks, we have got ourselves a Full Tonga here!

Bye, y'all! See you at Halloween!

Emmy Awards 2018 Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

My dear readers, I am of the opinion that The Bad pile for this year's Emmys is perhaps worse than it has ever been. I'm sure I say that every year but I really mean it this time.

THE BAD

Taraji P. Henson!

This is one of the most stumpifying gowns of all time. 

Alison Brie!

At first I thought it was a jumpsuit, though that did not endear me to the outfit more. This is a lot of look and all of it makes me wince.

Michelle Dockery!

Facts are facts: I thought this was a Finding Nemo gown at first. I'm not sure I'm entirely disappointed that it's not. Pretty impressive how a gown can be both romantic and tacky all at once.

Britney Young!

The fit is off on this and the sleeve... exists... so it's a no from me.

Sarah Paulson!

This bust is so stiff it looks like she's standing behind a plywood cutout of a dress. Is it just me or are you also seeing her cosplaying as a feather duster? Seriously, just imagine her hands held straight in the air, clasped above her head. Uncanny.

Rachel Brosnahan!

Someone help her.

Gwendoline Christie!

Oh boy. This is really something, isn't it? It's like she's developing a gritty reboot of Bananas in Pajamas except now they are femme fatales who wake from their slumber in be-caped bedclothes and slink their way down the stairs. Ahhh but Bananas in Pajamas famously work in pairs...

Judith Light!

Chasing teddy bears, trying to catch them unawares. Sundays at 9 pm. It's not TV, it's HBO.

Chrissy Teigen!

Length and sleeves are just the tiniest bit too short and I think the construction of the top is, again, stumpifying. Really don't love this color on her either.

Letitia Wright!

Whereas Chrissy's look was stumpifying, this dress is elongating! She looks impressively tall. Alas, I just don't think it's a great dress. The millions of layers of varying lengths make it hard for the eye to land on anything. She deserves much better than this.

Keri Russell!

Finally, an elegant representation of how it feels when I haven't trimmed my bikini line in a while.

Tatiana Maslany!

Tatiana snuck out of her bedroom using the ol' bedsheets as rappelling rope trick. Also, my dear readers I know something about this outfit that I cannot possibly keep to myself.

Welp.

Betty Gilpin!

Certainly it's not the worst dress but it looks deeply uncomfortable, it's not terribly flattering, the color is wrong, and it's too long. 

Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson!

Oh girls. Oh no. Oh no no no.

Maya Rudolph!

While I appreciate her commitment to the Maya Rudolph Refuses To Wear Spanx theme that I have been tracking in my brain, this is really rough. Puffed sleeves are one thing but then a skirt that is its own puffed sleeve? That's a puffed sleeve too far.

Emilia Clarke!

Is this supposed to be like a magic eye painting?

Sarah Goldberg!

I cannot tell if it is growing feathers or shedding feathers. Either way, the call is coming from inside the dress! Get out of there!

Padma Lakshmi!

Wow, this is some straight up Heidi Klum red carpet disappointment here.

Alexis Bledel!

Listen, this is a craft project gone wrong. Like, horribly wrong.

Tina Fey!

Wow in a bad way. We got some yoga hair. We got some lace. We got an aggro belt from 1993. We got sequined upholstery fabric. You know what we really got? We got a Full Patton.