Emmy Awards 2018 Red Carpet Rundown: The Bad!

My dear readers, I am of the opinion that The Bad pile for this year's Emmys is perhaps worse than it has ever been. I'm sure I say that every year but I really mean it this time.

THE BAD

Taraji P. Henson!

This is one of the most stumpifying gowns of all time. 

Alison Brie!

At first I thought it was a jumpsuit, though that did not endear me to the outfit more. This is a lot of look and all of it makes me wince.

Michelle Dockery!

Facts are facts: I thought this was a Finding Nemo gown at first. I'm not sure I'm entirely disappointed that it's not. Pretty impressive how a gown can be both romantic and tacky all at once.

Britney Young!

The fit is off on this and the sleeve... exists... so it's a no from me.

Sarah Paulson!

This bust is so stiff it looks like she's standing behind a plywood cutout of a dress. Is it just me or are you also seeing her cosplaying as a feather duster? Seriously, just imagine her hands held straight in the air, clasped above her head. Uncanny.

Rachel Brosnahan!

Someone help her.

Gwendoline Christie!

Oh boy. This is really something, isn't it? It's like she's developing a gritty reboot of Bananas in Pajamas except now they are femme fatales who wake from their slumber in be-caped bedclothes and slink their way down the stairs. Ahhh but Bananas in Pajamas famously work in pairs...

Judith Light!

Chasing teddy bears, trying to catch them unawares. Sundays at 9 pm. It's not TV, it's HBO.

Chrissy Teigen!

Length and sleeves are just the tiniest bit too short and I think the construction of the top is, again, stumpifying. Really don't love this color on her either.

Letitia Wright!

Whereas Chrissy's look was stumpifying, this dress is elongating! She looks impressively tall. Alas, I just don't think it's a great dress. The millions of layers of varying lengths make it hard for the eye to land on anything. She deserves much better than this.

Keri Russell!

Finally, an elegant representation of how it feels when I haven't trimmed my bikini line in a while.

Tatiana Maslany!

Tatiana snuck out of her bedroom using the ol' bedsheets as rappelling rope trick. Also, my dear readers I know something about this outfit that I cannot possibly keep to myself.

Welp.

Betty Gilpin!

Certainly it's not the worst dress but it looks deeply uncomfortable, it's not terribly flattering, the color is wrong, and it's too long. 

Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson!

Oh girls. Oh no. Oh no no no.

Maya Rudolph!

While I appreciate her commitment to the Maya Rudolph Refuses To Wear Spanx theme that I have been tracking in my brain, this is really rough. Puffed sleeves are one thing but then a skirt that is its own puffed sleeve? That's a puffed sleeve too far.

Emilia Clarke!

Is this supposed to be like a magic eye painting?

Sarah Goldberg!

I cannot tell if it is growing feathers or shedding feathers. Either way, the call is coming from inside the dress! Get out of there!

Padma Lakshmi!

Wow, this is some straight up Heidi Klum red carpet disappointment here.

Alexis Bledel!

Listen, this is a craft project gone wrong. Like, horribly wrong.

Tina Fey!

Wow in a bad way. We got some yoga hair. We got some lace. We got an aggro belt from 1993. We got sequined upholstery fabric. You know what we really got? We got a Full Patton.