Monday, May 8, 2017

Met Gala 2017 Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

Boy howdy has this been an interesting Met Gala! And we're still not done - miles to go, in fact. As is customary, I must take this opportunity to remind you that this category is not necessarily bad, it's just beyond the beyond. Everyone here is doing the most and I cherish it.


The train of this coat doubles as a sleeping bag.

Kylie Jenner!
Here's my guess: Kylie watched episode 3 of this season of Drag Race and was like, YES Princess AquaPussy YES Princess Pacifica... but pinker and with more shells glued on.

Kendall Jenner!
Was there a sale on fishnet at the Joanne Fabrics in Calabasas????

Claire Danes!
A swashbuckling adventure gone horribly wrong!

Jourdan Dunn (seen here with Future)!
A 50 Shades of Grey adventure gone horribly wrong! Also, I don't have a lot of words about Future other than I am really confused about where the top of his pants are and I do not think I have ever seen a pussy bow on a suit. So.... congratulations?

Riley Keough!
Michael Jackson-inspired racing stripe sequined front-zip robe. 

Lily Aldridge!
More boots that are also pants! She looks like she is walking through a laundry line on a windy day. I kind of dig it?

Cynthia Erivo!
It's very hard for me to wrap my head around this dress - it has so much going on, but just one sleeve. My favorite thing is the beads in her hair giving a bit of a tiara on top of it all. Cynthia, you never ever bore us and we love you for it.

Bella Hadid!
It's not exactly flattering and with the shoes involved in the garment it looks like she got caught in a trap. I am imagining Anna Wintour setting out glitter mesh along the sidewalk in front of Chateau Marmont and then waiting in a tree to pull the trap as soon as a Hadid steps onto it. In this fantasy, Anna Wintour has a Snidely Whiplash moustache and top hat. 

Pharrell (seen here with Helen Lasichanh)!
Pharrell! What is happening? Helen is turning it out in this Commes des Garcons creation and you are wearing some athletic socks and ripped capris? Y'all know I am against the no socks thing but I think maybe without the socks I might be into this? But then again, I'm looking closer and I can see that it's not just a shirt - it's a shirt and MATCHING DOUBLE BREASTED VEST. And that, people of the world, is why he's here in the WTF.

Halle Berry!
What if she wore gold spanish roof tiles and the rest of the outfit looked like it was drawn on her with pencil (with strategic shading) and there were barnacles around her neck and going down her leg - but it was pants? COULD YOU IMAGINE.

Nicki Minaj!
The look itself is just kind of a mess but the thing that puts her way over the top is this belt with Rei Kawakubo face molded onto it!!!!!! LIKE, WHAT!? Noooo but also yesssss!

Hailee Steinfeld!
I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend!
His tie is too small, his pants are too long, but more importantly Chrissy Teigen looks like she got into a violent altercation with a swan on her way to perform an ice dancing routine.

Mandy Moore!
Mandy Moore came to the Met Galas as Rooney Mara this year.

The Olsens!
I love these two for being such reliable weirdos. I always wonder going into the Met Ball what they're going to give us. This year it's table cloths, necklaces worn in the hair, and random fur pieces glued to a house coat. Bless. 

Janelle Monae!
Honestly, this is the only logical conclusion to the fashion story Janelle has been telling this year. And that fashion story is: Help Me, I Am Being Choked and Swallowed. Don't believe me? Check out this progression (Golden Globes, SAGs, Oscars, Met Gala):

This has been a special investigative report by Way Too Shay. 

1 comment:

  1. My brain can't make sense of boots-as-pants and I'm having a very hard time looking at Lily Aldridge. -Amber