Golden Globes 2017 Red Carpet Rundown: The WTF!

We have once again arrived at the conclusion of our Golden Globes coverage. As always, I thank you for reading and remind you that WTF doesn't always mean it's bad... though this time around it mostly does. I delightedly present to you the weirdest looks of the night.

THE WTF

Carrie Underwood!

There are labial folds and then there are labial folds with roses, cutouts, and a plunging v-neck. Brava.

Sophie Turner!

I've watched enough Project Runway in my day to know a losing design when I see one. This is straight up "Don't bore Nina" fused with Taste Issues. You know what Tim Gunn would say, right? 

Kathryn Hahn!

Don't go for second best, Kathryn, put yourself to the test. You know you know you got to hem those pants half an inch higher and fire your stylist. 

Naomi Campbell!

This dress was clearly inspired by the Hot Wheels Speedtropolis Playset. 

Keri Russell!

W T actual F is happening!? The tiered, sheer animal print, the gigantic velvet choker, the aging madame makeup... it's quite a lot of look. 

Monica Bellucci! 

Super stoked for Monica Bellucci's Addams Family reboot.

Felicity Jones!

So what you're telling me is the bow is real but the ruffles and feathers are merely illusions? I do not understand the question and I won't respond to it. 

Michelle Williams!

This Holly Hobbie/Girl With the Red Ribbon look is excellent for when you absolutely positively do not even want the option of hugging people.

Chrissy Teigen!

There is a Christmas ornament I've always loved at my parents' house. It's an elaborate angel with painted on hair and gold foil stuck all over it and it's fairly conical. Chrissy Teigen is the exact replica of that ornament.

and finally.... hold on to your butts....

Nicole Kidman!

Oy with the sheer corset reveal. Perhaps the silver design is a tribute to Moana but, you know, more Ice Capades-y. Or the bottom of the dress is meant to be the foggy mountain tops and she is the goddess of rainwater, all of which is being pumped directly from the clouds beneath her her armpit. No matter what the message is, this is a Full Patton.