Friday, August 19, 2016

2016 SUMMER OLYMPICS! Parade of Nations: The WTF!

At last we have arrived at the final portion of our 2016 Olympics Parade of Nations coverage. Looking at what I've put in this pile, I guess my main question is: Did these countries think they had to literally wear their flags? Are they concerned that Eddie Izzard is going to pop out from behind the sea of human arrows and ask if they have a flag? 


As you may know I am a big fan of Canada, but this is a bit hilarious even for me. Like, did the South Park boys design these as a joke? I especially love that from the front it's kind of boring and then the back is like MAPLE LEAF BITCHES! I would 1000% buy this.

Strong choice, Croatia. Also, you're all set for NASCAR.

Okay, a few things. First of all, the dresses. Love the top (I'm a sucker for this neckline) but it appears that the skirt is designed in such a way that it is tacked up in the middle in a sort of peekaboo situation. And what is peaking through? Literally Haiti -the word Haiti - along with an illustration of some kind that I must admit resembles a bleed through in this photo. No woman wants to look like she's had leakage. We work VERY HARD to prevent such things from happening. Moving along to the men's shirts... I count four pockets on the front of the shirt. No word on whether there are more pockets on the back. I felt that three pockets on the Russian blazers were excessive; certainly four is an unreasonable amount of pockets.

Part of me thinks this is the best Parade of Nations outfit and part of me sees the general shape of the garment and the country outline in blue and all I can think of is Lisa Simpson's "Floreda" outfit.

It's the Olympic Lumbersexual Team.

What fresh hell is this!? I feel nauseated looking at this pattern. It's making me car sick.

I'm sorry what!? Your team uniform is distressed skinny jeans? Completely unacceptable!

Sierra Leone!
At first glance, this is pretty great. But look closer. Focus on the green. The green trim for the ladies is ugly but not awful. But for the men... oh boy. I can't decide if it looks more like each of them has a green wizard beard or if it looks like they threw up Ecto Cooler all down their front. Either way, WT actual F?!

and finally....

OH YOU DIDN'T THINK I WOULD FORGET, DID YOU? The actual team's outfits are just fine (though I'm slightly confused by the skirts-on-skirts situation) but we're here to talk about Pita Nikolas Taufatofua, everyone's favorite oiled-up flag bearer. This is one of those "good WTF" entries. I'm not entirely sure why it happened but I think I speak for all of us when I say we will never forget. In honor of the Olympics and Tonga's important contribution to these Opening Ceremonies, I am introducing a new feature to Way Too Shay: The Tonga Scale. Just as the Patton Scale is for things so bad they are memorable, the Tonga Scale is for things so good they are memorable.