Met Ball 2015: The WTF!

Pearl clutchers, get your pearls. It's gonna get see through.

THE WTF

Anna Wintour!

What. The. Eff. I mean, there's flower power and then there's wearing swimmies made out of roses poppies. Probably not the world's most effective flotation devices. (Thanks Reader Steph for eagle eying the poppies. I know nothing about flowers because I hate nature.)

Diane Kruger (seen here with Pacey)!

I love Pacey's face so much. You can just hear him thinking, "Oh my god. I thought she was joking when she said she was going to wear sheer pants and the bathmat and an old scarf. I thought she was joking."

Kim Kardashian (seen here with Kanye West)!

Butt wait! There's more!

White tattoo etchings that fade into feathers. I appreciate that it's backless, because otherwise it would be so demure with just that butt cutout. ALSO can we talk about how Kanye said NO to a shirt and YES to a fringed velvet scarf? 

Beyonce (seen here with Jay-Z)!

Yes, yes, it's basically the same dress from Coming to America...butt wait! There's more!

Also hilariously has a large keyhole cutout in back. This is part two in our installation of "Three of America's Most Famous Women Went with the Same Concept." This is also part a million in my personal series "Jay-Z Makes The Best Faces." I wish Beyonce's hair was something a little darker because the champagne dress with honey hair really washes her out.

Jennifer Lopez!

Butt wait! There's more!

Part three in the series. This dress is merely one-shouldered with a low back. But it does have a cutout, exactly on the assets which, let's be real, is something I've never seen before and she's killing it. 

I want to be quite clear with you, my dear readers. I have a problem with these illusion dresses. It's not that they are revealing or "trashy" (as I've heard a lot from many people). It's that all three of these women went in this direction which made all three of them seem pedestrian and ho hum. It's one very large reason why Rihanna caused such a stir: this year at the Met Ball it was shocking and innovative to cover up. Let's all file this lesson away in our fashion journals: a provocative gown will fizzle if another woman is wearing something just like it.