Met Ball 2015: The Bad

I trust everyone had plenty of time to rest up from the Good and the Meh, yes? Here we go!

The Bad

Madonna!

OH MY GOD HEY YOU GUYS DID YOU KNOW MADONNA JUST PUT OUT AN ALBUM CALLED REBEL HEART!?!?!? OH HEY WAIT IT SAYS IT ON HER DRESS!!!! WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!!!!!!!! To Madonna, the theme of the Met Ball is always MADONNA.

Elizabeth Banks!

What are you doing. What- what- what are you doing.

Emily Blunt!

Ooh girl this is not your silhouette. It's terribly stiff looking, too, which I guess happens when you make a dress out of wallpaper.

Olivia Wilde!

More wallpaper, this time with bedazzled gloves. Ugh.

Miley Cyrus!

Nope, no, uh-uh. You cannot be psychotically demure and show your hip bones.

Cara Delevigne!

I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.

Tory Burch!

Laura Ashley had sex with bed curtains from Colonial Williamsburg and they came all over Tory Burch.

Jennifer Lawrence!

Plain and simple, that is a hideous dress and ballet class hair.

Kerry Washington!

Oh girl, oh no. No no no.

Amanda Seyfried (seen here with Justin Long)!

Her dress is an elegant but molting swan, those are some prom shoes, and her lipstick is straight up 1994 "Doll Parts" video. It's not the worst of the bunch but it's far from good.

Zoe Kravitz!

This is the fanciest swimsuit coverup I have ever seen! Then again, Mom went the opposite route...

Lisa Bonet (seen here with WTS hero, Lenny Kravitz)!

While Lenny is there looking effortlessly cool (though, frankly, underdressed) in his understated pinstripe suit and heeled boots, Lisa is a ruffled bonnet away from starring in a remake of Jane Eyre where Jane is drop dead gorgeous and the wife in the attic is actually a very large scarf. 

Sienna Miller!

What on earth am I looking at!? Toreador + flapper + some tassels stolen from Selena Gomez's armpits = MET BALL.

Jennifer Connelly!

She looks like she's standing behind a plywood cutout of a dress, just sticking her head where it should be. 

Chloe Sevigny!

My dear readers, you can only imagine how happy I was when I saw The Sev in the photos from the Met Ball! ESPECIALLY when I saw that her outfit seemed like she was halfway through some sort of sensual slipping off of said outfit. She's wearing a melting dress complete with diamond Bracelets of Submission and a mid-90s choker. On a scale of one to Patton, this is a major Patton. And I absolutely love her for it.