Oscars 2015 Fashion Rundown: The Bad!

From curtains to aprons to retro prom gowns, we've got it all here in The Bad. Also, we have one dress that makes my head want to explode. Place your bets now and away we go!

THE BAD

Sienna Miller!

First of all, I generally dislike navy with black, but that's a personal preference. More importantly, why does her dress have lattice work at the bottom? I'm very confused about the vertical piping, especially when paired with the twee velvet bows of death. Basically, I hate this so hard.

Patricia Arquette!

Let's pretend Patty didn't ruin her great "equal pay for women" rah-rah speech with some very non-helpful comments in the press room after. And anyway, the dress. I mean, it mostly fits and it's only half an inch short, so that's okaaaaaay. It's just that it's completely unflattering. I don't get it with her. She either goes boobs berserk or modesty curtains. The cut on the top of this dress does nothing to flatter her, instead making her appear far wider than she is. The hair is an abomination that I shall discuss no further.

Chrissy Teigen (with cutiepie John Legend)!

Honestly, I love her. She's got the greatest reaction face of all time, she's married to the cutiepie of the century, and obviously she's gorgeous. But this dress? With the plunge? And the slit? And the shoes? All I can say is ... oh girl, oh no. No no no.

Nicole Kidman!

Wrapping paper, barbie grandma shoes, the wrongest bag possible, patent leather belt, crappy blowout. All together it looks cheap and thrown together without thought.

Chloe Grace Moretz!

Girlfriend either lost her hands in a tragic blender accident or is trying to hide a pregnancy. Why else in the world would she insist on posing like this on the red carpet and then doing it again during the telecast? Also that dress is frumpy and looks like bedcurtains from Colonial Williamsburg.

Zoe Saldana!

Seriously, like 70% of the girls at my prom wore this. In 1998. The straps are a large part of the problem here. Hate the color, hate the vagina waterfall draping in front, and what the hell is happening with the length of this dress?! (Dig the necklace, though.)

Naomi Watts!

Sexy kitchen apron in the theme of "brick wall leading into Diagon Alley*."

Felicity Jones!

Oh my god you guys I hate this so much it actually makes me angry to look at it. First, that color is terrible on her. Second, omfg the neckline is SO unflattering and SO unnecessary. Third, it looks so heavy and that makes me uncomfortable as a viewer of the fashions. Third it's like it wants to be diamond breastplate fembot Cinderella and all that just makes me .... AAARGGHAGHAHGGHG







*(h/t to Reader Katya for Diagon Alley)