Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Met Ball 2012: The Meh!

We have a LOT of Meh to tackle. Enjoy the snoozefest!

The Meh

Emma Roberts!
How long was she sitting in that limo? Even if we didn't have a terrible case of wrinkly dress, this color is all wrong for her. And she needs a necklace.

Cameron Diaz!

Boring and unflattering. I don't love this color on her and the back makes her ass look like saggy pancakes.

Rooney Mara!
When oh when will the sheer dress trend be over? I cannot take it anymore. For what it's worth, I kind of like the top of the dress but then it's all granny panties behind Dracula's living room curtains. The leather belt doesn't help, either.

Paula Patton!
It's pretty enough, I guess, but the dress just seems heavy to me and I feel like I would like the color more if it was just a skosh darker.

Liv Tyler!
Look closely, my dear readers. It's a front-facing racerback dress over... a tank top? I don't quite understand. Also her makeup is horrendous. Or is it...whore-endous? (I'm sorry. Ugh. God.)

Ashley Green!
Congratulations, Ashley Green, on having your wedding at the Met Ball! You had the most A-list wedding of all time! Mazel tov!

Emma Stone!
Suuuuuper cute dress but absolutely the wrong hair and sort of clunky shoes. Zonk. Try again!

Amy Adams!
Lose the bow and then we'll talk. I'm not sure white is the right color for our Amy. She does so well in jewel tones.

Rashida Jones!
Better! Not quite there yet, but better. I actually quite like the print but the straps confuse me. Also, is she carrying...a bird as a purse? That seems like a bad idea, no?

Cate Blanchett!
While I hate (HATE) this dress, I must give her many points for wearing the hell out of it and looking poised and polished as ever. It's just that this looks like something out of the Chris March human hair collection.

Brooke Shields!
Brooke, Brooke, Brooke. That dress is ugly and unflattering. There is no reason to put your hair over your bare shoulder when wearing a tarzan dress. You know better than this. Please don't do this to us again.

Sophia Vergera!
Sandra. Lee. Tablescape.

Camilla Belle!
It's a very pretty dress, but I think the illusion netting isn't doing it any favors. A delicate spaghetti strap would have been my choice on this. Also, the lipstick is just ruining everything for me. Lady, it's not 1996.

I don't know. I just expect more from a woman commonly thought to be one of the most beautiful people in the world. Part of the problem is her head - what the hell is going on with her hair and makeup? Also, look G, if your toes stick out that far in your sandals then you're wearing the wrong shoe size.

Jessica Stam!
That is a lot of dress and a lot of blue eyeshadow.

Jessica Biel and some dude!
For real, I kind of love this dress. I just wish it was about 4 inches shorter and paired with different shoes. The hair just isn't working for me either. Maybe I'm just jealous because I could never have bangs as nice as that. On the other hand, whoever that dude is looks fantastic. Just kidding, I know it's Justin Timberlake. Great tux, perfectly fitted.

Emily Blunt!
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I am bored. This is boring. Hate the color, hate the hair.

Debra Messing!
Yet again, La Messing wears something metallic and unflattering. Quelle surprise. Hair looks great, though.

Mia Wasikowska!
I kind of love this dress, but it just seems so comparatively demure that I'm having a hard time seeing it as anything other than prim. I think it's the collar. And probably the hair. Where would be the perfect place to wear this gown? I can't think of the right answer.

Rosario Dawson!
Memo to Hollywood: full-length leather dresses NEVER work. True, this is the closest we've come to a winner but's just not.

Anna Wintour!
I will give her this: she dresses in theme. The new Met exhibit (the reason for the Ball, afterall) is Schiaparelli and Prada, so it makes sense that Anna showed up with a lobster on her skirt. The overall look just doesn't work for me, though, with the giant fur capelet and the signature bob. Sorry Anna. Please don't hurt me.

Diane Kruger!
Ms. Kruger is known for pushing boundaries on the red carpet, but I think this is just too much dress for such a wee lady. It looks incredibly heavy.

Ivanka Trump!
Looks like somebody's been reading Fifty Shades....

Rachel Zoe!
I get it, this is her signature look - upscale 70s boho chic. I'm just sort of bored with it and the dress is far too long on her. And - gasp - I don't like that necklace. Additionally, I am concerned that if Ms. Zoe turned sideways we wouldn't be able to see her at all.

Kirsten Dunst!
Similar to the issue I had with Mia Wasikowska's look, this just seems somewhat out of place. I love it and I think it's a great look for Kiki, but she looks like she's going to the world's most upscale 1940s theme party.

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