Thursday, May 3, 2012

How to Open Your Heart Up to Love

We read The Rules, we listened to Adele, we donated all of the skirts that hit below our knees thereby frumpifying us, we did all of the things one is supposed to do when one has a heartbreak. Hell, if Aimee Mann received royalties every time we played I'm With Stupid on our iPod she'd basically be King Midas. I mean come on!!! It's so perfect!

But! Then! We must open our hearts up to love! Let the sun shine in! But how???? Well, my dear readers, I have compiled this (non-definitive) list for you. Enjoy!

* Whine about it until not only your friends are sick of you, but YOU are sick of you. That's a good start.

* Listen to this song on repeat:

* And then this one:

* See how many times you need to listen to that one until you can do it without tearing up at "oh! she may be weary."

* Find a really good therapist and go regularly.

* Get a really cute haircut! Dye your hair! Buy a new mascara! Get new glasses! Do something different to your head.

 * Fake it till you make it. BY WHICH I MEAN do your best to look awesome even when you don't feel awesome. Do that for as long as it takes.

* I am serious when I say that yoga and pilates will make the world seem easier.

* It may also help to get drunk.

* Don't worry about being "ready" for "love." It probably won't be love at first, and you're never going to be ready if you're waiting to be ready.

* Online dating. There are lots of sites, so see which one is for you. Also, if you hate it, just cancel your account. No big.

* Seriously, just go on some dates. Even with people you think you probably hate just by their stupid profile picture.

* The profile picture NEVER looks like them, so only choose people who say something interesting in the written portion of the profile.

* You know what's great about opening one's heart through online dating? You can do it drunk and in your pajamas, crying over Otis Redding. And, if you use spell check, NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.

* Unless you have a blog where you actually write the above sentence.

* Because seriously, young girls they DO get weary.

* So maybe you meet someone and they are nice! And cute! And interesting! DO NOT go out of your way to find something wrong with this person. Just smooch them and ask them when was the last time they were tested for STDs.

You'll know that you've conquered your cold, cold robot heart and are ready for love again when you actually find you have the urge to watch Love Actually. CONGRATULATIONS! You will probably still want to punch everyone but Colin Frissle in the face, but enjoy having a heart that feels emotions other than "weary." This is the time to write a heartfelt email to all of your friends to thank them for being patient with you and to offer them some wine. Because even when your heart is open to love, sometimes it helps to get drunk.


  1. Congratulations, fabulous woman. You THRIVE!

  2. I am so happy that I'm friends with you.

  3. Dr. Love LOVES this. Great advice, Megs

  4. This post made my decade. Thank you for how generous you are with your incredible wisdom! Love to you.