Emmys 2015 Red Carpet Rundown: The Good!

Oh hello! Once again we are back and ready to tackle all of our Emmy red carpet amazingness. First, a couple of items of business.

Business #1: I am SO SORRY but I could not find a picture of this but some lady producer was wearing a white shorts jumper with attached cape. It was incredible, my jaw dropped, and I really regret that I cannot show it to you. Use your boundless imaginations.

Business #2: Before we get into the Good, let's talk about the Three Bears of Tux Fit:

Paul Dano!

Too big.

Fred Savage!

Too small!

Pablo Schreiber!

Juuuuuust right.

Got it? Great. Now onto ...

THE GOOD

David and Jessica Oyelowo!

This is your reminder that the Oyelowos are perfect and you are not.

Ariel Winter!

This look might be a little safe but it's flawlessly executed.

Lady Gaga!

 See, this is the thing with the ladies who have an image of being "shocking" or "unkempt" - when they go straight glamour it is actually shocking and completely lovely. Think Courtney Love at the 1997 Oscars. Lady Gaga is KILLING IT with this look.

Samira Wiley!

I love Samira's red carpet style - smooth and elegant with not a lot of extra embellishment needed. You'll see two more dresses with attached capes in our rundown - one in the Meh and one in the Bad - but this one is great even without the other two for comparison.

Aubrey Plaza!

Sexy and sophisticated with that signature Aubrey Plaza hint of "bite me."

John Stamos!

This suave so-and-so!  Appropriately, this photo makes it look like John's about to take flight. INTO OUR HEARTS.

Ellie Kemper!

This is a showstopper of a dress. I appreciate that her styling is minimal and her makeup isn't trying to hard to compete with the dress. Well done, Ellie. IT'S A MIRACLE.

Taraji P. Henson!

Okay, let's talk about charisma and star power. This dress is not great, honestly. The chain detail is amazing but it's basically a crepe bathing suit with peephole and curtains. But! (and this is an important but) She is wearing the hell out of it and really selling the look. It moved gorgeously on camera and she absolutely oozed confidence and sex appeal. Basically, she's in the zone- Taraji can wear anything at this point and it'll work. (PS - that commercial with her and Kerry Washington casually showing up at my beloved Mary J. Blige's house and dancing around!? I died.)

Laura Prepon!

Her makeup could have been slightly less raccoonish, but this dress is slaying. SLAYING.

Nathan and Anthony Anderson!

I am not exactly sold on Anthony's shoes, but other than that they look incredible. Nathan Anderson has miles of style - and is using his age to his advantage. This outfit on even a slightly older young man would look ridiculous but he looks fantastic. Also, I've had a crush on Anthony Anderson for like a decade so I'm glad to have an excuse to put him on the blog. <3 <3 <3

Jamie Lee Curtis!

Now firmly ensconced in Grande Dame territory and working it.

Yael Stone!

Grading on a very large curve here. This is such a remarkable step up from the last time I saw Yael Stone on the red carpet, I can't help but include her in the Good. I just wish it was a slightly different color. I don't know why all these white women showed up in dresses the color of their skin this year but it is not my favorite trend.

Raza Jaffrey!

Other than the Ross Geller hair, everything is on point.

Teyonah Parris!

Honestly, this dress is a little bit like a giant napkin in a napkin ring but it's also 100% fun and fabulous and her styling is beyond gorgeous.

Sarah Hyland!

Elegant and lovely.

Lorraine Toussaint!

Pretty! Love the color, love the necklace.

Niecy Nash!

So pretty! I can't get over this look on Niecy Nash. She looks like a princess.

Carrie Brownstein!

Practically perfect in every way.

Lauren Lapkus!

While this look has been done a hundred times, it has rarely been done so well. Lovely.

Jamie Brewer!

I'm not sure I am really in love with the ombre in the skirt, but it's a great dress and she looks fantastic, so I'll let it slide.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus!

This woman knows what works for her and she's not afraid to use the 500 variations of the same dress. Honestly, that's okay with me if she does it this well.

Laverne Cox!

Maybe she should not have sat in the limo, but even with that, she straight up looks like a Barbie. (To be clear, as a former childhood Barbie hoarder, I mean that as a compliment.)

AND IN THE SHOCK OF THE EVENING....

Julie Bowen!

Borrowing a dress from the Julia Louis-Dreyfus House of Simple and Fabulous, she looks perfect. It's got a mid-century feel to it without being costume-y. Congratulations, Bowen, you're out of probation!

2015 World Cup Coaches Fashion Rundown!

My dear friend Reader Jen has called for the coaches fashion rundown for the World Cup this year like we did last year and she's absolutely right! We have got to do it again! Reader Jen has cast her vote for #1 Babe Coach of the World Cup and I 100% agree with Reader Jen. Who will it be?

Sidebar: I refuse to say Women's World Cup because we do not say Men's World Cup and therefore I find it bullshit to only identify one with gender. End sidebar.

You may remember that the 2014 World Cup Coaches Fashion Rundown was all men. Even though there are male coaches in the 2015 World Cup, we are going to IGNORE THEM and focus on the coaches who happen to be women. Not because the fashion is better, but because fair is fair... or perhaps I should say tit for tat? Let's get going. 

Switzerland!

Swiss Ms. has a very tailored style, though it is a bit buttoned up for my tastes. For me, the visible undershirt takes this look down a notch. I will say I appreciate the watch matching the belt buckle, but contrasting with necklace and earrings. A very cool way to mix your metals.

Ecuador!

So there's basically two approaches: besuited (like Swiss Ms.) or sporty. Ecuador's coach goes with the sporty approach but her clothes fit her properly, her shoes are really cool, and the watch adds a dash of color and fun. I am not a fan of the headband and ponytail look for those over the age of 25, but no one wants their whispies flying in their face when they are trying to win the World Cup. I'll give it a pass this time.

USA!

Another sporty look, but the fit is a bit off this time.  Why is it that none of the American coaches seem to bother putting any effort into their self presentation? It's embarrassing to me as an American.

Cote D'Ivoire!

The Ivory Coast coach favors a patterned, collared shirt untucked with jacket. I am just not sure how I feel about the untucked dress shirt with a more suit-y look, but I am definitely sure I love this jacket. It fits really well in the arms and hits right at that mid-thigh sweet spot. 

Sweden!

Sweden's coach is basically praying that all of her backup players get hurt so she can sub in. 

Germany!

Extremely stylish. We have a graphic tee under a well-tailored jacket with slim-cut trousers and oxfords worn without socks. The jewelry ages her a bit*, but this is a very chic sideline look. Well done Germany.

*I feel like wearing earrings AND a necklace AND a bracelet AND a watch is a generational thing and could be the reason Coco Chanel urged women to take one thing off before leaving the house.

Costa Rica!

#1 Babe of the World Cup Coaches. Costa Rica is like a casual and less annoying version of Demi Moore, no? She loves her flats ( as do I ), she likes to have a little variety of color - not just black and white, no orthopedic-looking shoes. She's serious but she's cool - just like you and me. 

Thailand!

Last but certainly not least, we have to take a moment for the Thailand coach because she makes the greatest faces of all the coaches.

Awww, it's okay, Coach. You'll get it next time.

Orrrr maybe not???

Met Ball 2015: The WTF!

Pearl clutchers, get your pearls. It's gonna get see through.

THE WTF

Anna Wintour!

What. The. Eff. I mean, there's flower power and then there's wearing swimmies made out of roses poppies. Probably not the world's most effective flotation devices. (Thanks Reader Steph for eagle eying the poppies. I know nothing about flowers because I hate nature.)

Diane Kruger (seen here with Pacey)!

I love Pacey's face so much. You can just hear him thinking, "Oh my god. I thought she was joking when she said she was going to wear sheer pants and the bathmat and an old scarf. I thought she was joking."

Kim Kardashian (seen here with Kanye West)!

Butt wait! There's more!

White tattoo etchings that fade into feathers. I appreciate that it's backless, because otherwise it would be so demure with just that butt cutout. ALSO can we talk about how Kanye said NO to a shirt and YES to a fringed velvet scarf? 

Beyonce (seen here with Jay-Z)!

Yes, yes, it's basically the same dress from Coming to America...butt wait! There's more!

Also hilariously has a large keyhole cutout in back. This is part two in our installation of "Three of America's Most Famous Women Went with the Same Concept." This is also part a million in my personal series "Jay-Z Makes The Best Faces." I wish Beyonce's hair was something a little darker because the champagne dress with honey hair really washes her out.

Jennifer Lopez!

Butt wait! There's more!

Part three in the series. This dress is merely one-shouldered with a low back. But it does have a cutout, exactly on the assets which, let's be real, is something I've never seen before and she's killing it. 

I want to be quite clear with you, my dear readers. I have a problem with these illusion dresses. It's not that they are revealing or "trashy" (as I've heard a lot from many people). It's that all three of these women went in this direction which made all three of them seem pedestrian and ho hum. It's one very large reason why Rihanna caused such a stir: this year at the Met Ball it was shocking and innovative to cover up. Let's all file this lesson away in our fashion journals: a provocative gown will fizzle if another woman is wearing something just like it. 

Met Ball 2015: The Bad

I trust everyone had plenty of time to rest up from the Good and the Meh, yes? Here we go!

The Bad

Madonna!

OH MY GOD HEY YOU GUYS DID YOU KNOW MADONNA JUST PUT OUT AN ALBUM CALLED REBEL HEART!?!?!? OH HEY WAIT IT SAYS IT ON HER DRESS!!!! WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!!!!!!!! To Madonna, the theme of the Met Ball is always MADONNA.

Elizabeth Banks!

What are you doing. What- what- what are you doing.

Emily Blunt!

Ooh girl this is not your silhouette. It's terribly stiff looking, too, which I guess happens when you make a dress out of wallpaper.

Olivia Wilde!

More wallpaper, this time with bedazzled gloves. Ugh.

Miley Cyrus!

Nope, no, uh-uh. You cannot be psychotically demure and show your hip bones.

Cara Delevigne!

I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.

Tory Burch!

Laura Ashley had sex with bed curtains from Colonial Williamsburg and they came all over Tory Burch.

Jennifer Lawrence!

Plain and simple, that is a hideous dress and ballet class hair.

Kerry Washington!

Oh girl, oh no. No no no.

Amanda Seyfried (seen here with Justin Long)!

Her dress is an elegant but molting swan, those are some prom shoes, and her lipstick is straight up 1994 "Doll Parts" video. It's not the worst of the bunch but it's far from good.

Zoe Kravitz!

This is the fanciest swimsuit coverup I have ever seen! Then again, Mom went the opposite route...

Lisa Bonet (seen here with WTS hero, Lenny Kravitz)!

While Lenny is there looking effortlessly cool (though, frankly, underdressed) in his understated pinstripe suit and heeled boots, Lisa is a ruffled bonnet away from starring in a remake of Jane Eyre where Jane is drop dead gorgeous and the wife in the attic is actually a very large scarf. 

Sienna Miller!

What on earth am I looking at!? Toreador + flapper + some tassels stolen from Selena Gomez's armpits = MET BALL.

Jennifer Connelly!

She looks like she's standing behind a plywood cutout of a dress, just sticking her head where it should be. 

Chloe Sevigny!

My dear readers, you can only imagine how happy I was when I saw The Sev in the photos from the Met Ball! ESPECIALLY when I saw that her outfit seemed like she was halfway through some sort of sensual slipping off of said outfit. She's wearing a melting dress complete with diamond Bracelets of Submission and a mid-90s choker. On a scale of one to Patton, this is a major Patton. And I absolutely love her for it.