2014 World Cup Coaches Fashion Rundown!

I cannot believe I'm saying this but BY POPULAR DEMAND I now give you the Way Too Shay fashion rundown of the 2014 World Cup coaches on the sidelines. Or field. Or whatever you say in soccer.

TRUE FACTS: My boyfriend is a big soccer dude and is totally into World Cup (for those wondering, he supports USA, England, and Germany) (apparently you say "supports" in soccer) (or whatever). Because of this, I have seen more than 20 minutes of soccer lately and it's not that bad. It will never be football to me, of course, but it's kind of fun. I've definitely noticed something, though... 

Football Coach:

Futbol Coach:

In short, these are some dapper gentlemen on the sidelines of soccer games  matches! Since I know nothing about any of this, we'll just go by country, yes? (PS, I'm sure I didn't get everyone, but here's a pretty nice sampling.)

Italy!

Nice fit to the jacket... roomy enough for contemplative arm crossing if necessary, but not pulling. Very Italian.

Spain!

A less successful fit in the jacket, but a moustache to be feared and envied. I would go with a deeper green tie next time - this color just washes him out.

Ivory Coast!

Very intense with the jacket, vest, and no tie. Let's see a slightly more casual sideline look...

Very nice, though I hate the collar. This is a coach who can rock a skinny tie. Well done, Ivory Coast.

Russia!

While I appreciate the choice of a grey shirt over white, this shade of grey doesn't quite mesh with the color and fabric of the jacket. Also, those are the wrong frames for his face.

Costa Rica!

The fit is off and the colors for tie and shirt are ROUGH. 

Germany!

Germany's coach favors a more relaxed sideline look, complete with watch AND fitbit. Unfortunately, this is his real hair. More unfortunately, if he were to move his hands, his head would completely detach from his body and roll away. It's not a risk Mr. Germany is willing to take.

Uruguay!

The pants are a little roomy but I have no other complaints. Uruguay, you suave MFer.

Greece!

Anthony Bourdain coaches the Greek soccer team.

Argentina!

Tie tacks can be your friend, sir! And haircuts.

The Netherlands!

Even though he's got some crazy Tom Wilkinson Playing Some Intense Character hair, I have to acknowledge and appreciate the beauty of the navy suit with perfect orange tie. It's a gorgeous look.

USA!

Almost every other coach is in a suit and this guy shows up in slacks and a polo. Isn't that just the story of America?

England!

This is the most British-looking man I've ever seen outside of Mr. Bean. Also, the tie is a disaster.

Algeria!

A silver tie is almost never your friend, gentlemen. Almost never.

Nigeria!

Quite literally, this is the only person who actually looks like he's coaching something. It's the jacket. And maybe a little bit of the yelling/dude curled at his feet. But mostly the jacket.

France!

France coach is my #2 hunk coach of the World Cup. Love that navy suit - LOVE the hem on it. He's walking and it still looks appropriate, bless.

Ecuador!

"But what about me?" says Ecuador. "Am I your #1 hunk coach?" No, Ecuador, you are not. Mostly because your suit is far far far too big on you. 

Cameroon!

Cameroon just sort of looks drunk most of the time...

No, seriously.

Belgium!

Rethink the length of your sideburns, Belgium.

Honduras!

I absolutely adore this guy. He looks fantastic, the tie is pretty edgy for what we've seen on the sidelines here, and he seems like such a lovable curmudgeon. 

............Ladies?

Brazil!

This is far too casual and ill-fitting, Brazil. You actually make USA look suave and that's ... not good. In the sportswear section of today's rundown, Nigeria gets first prize, I guess USA comes next, and then this sad getup. Cameroon, I award you no points.

Croatia!

Yo, Croatia's coach is FINE.

Yeah, keep coaching. Just like that. Mmmhmmm.

Croatia's coach is like Jon Stewart plus Joseph Gordon Levitt plus a little bit of Breckin Meyer with just a dash of Crispin Glover. I love you, Croatia's coach - you are my #1 hunk coach and your suits fit really well. But, you will never have my heart like...

Mexico!

I absolutely love this guy. His bright tie, his awesome hair, his facial expressions... he's unbelievably animated and amazing.

He also may or may not live in a van down by the river.

Tony Awards 2014 Fashion Rundown: The WTF

It always seems a little sad when we come to the end of a fashion rundown, doesn't it? Luckily, this is the Tonys so the WTF category is far more whimsical and delightful than it usually is!

THE WTF

Fran Drescher!

You guys! Fran Drescher came to the Tonys dressed as Divine in Pink Flamingos! She also happens to be wearing some sort of sculpture as hair. Fran, I don't exactly know what you're doing but keep going. I'm loving this camp approach.

James Monroe Inglehart!

After I saw his performance as the Genie in Aladdin and they cut to him during the nomination announcement I thought, well yes of course he is wearing a sparkly tux... of course he is. I was not aware that sequined lapels were an option for, well, life. But I'm sure glad they are!

Estelle Parsons!

 Oh crap, you guys. Birnham Wood has come to Dunsinane.

RuPaul!

You know what? If anyone is going to pull off a Barbie pink satin tux jacket, it's Ru. It is at once completely insane and fierce as hell.

Adriane Lenox!

Please try to imagine my glee when I saw that hat during the telecast. I may have even clapped giddily! What I didn't know then is that she paired it with a sheer orange trench and white booty shorts. Oh Adriane, I want you to come to every awards show. You are a treasure!

Tony Awards 2014 Fashion Rundown: The Bad

For perhaps the first time in WTS history, almost half of our Bad entries are men. Okay, not half... but a few at least.

THE BAD

Chris O'Dowd and Dawn O'Porter!

You guys. No. With the green lamé disco shirt dress and the matching pocket square? I mean, Chris, obviously you know how to lose in style, but the two of you together? Forgive me, but it does sort of look like you were forced to go to a theme wedding taking place during the godforsaken Erin Express. (Also, I did a lot of research and I can confirm that, yes, that is Dawn's actual hair. That somehow seems worse than if it was a poorly styled wig.)

Linda Emond!

If Bette Midler's Oscars dress was a fancy cake on Pinterest, this would be a "close enough." Sadly, if we had never seen the Bette dress I might have liked this, but it doesn't even look good...from a distance. (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!?!)  It's simply not a flattering cut, and not a good enough color. Additionally, whoever is responsible for this eye makeup should be drawn and quartered. 

Maggie Gyllenhaal!

Damn it, Maggie. You looked so amazing at the Met Ball but you immediately turn around and wear some sort of artistic deconstructive representation of sheets and inside out pillows with a sad little dust ruffle at the bottom. Stop dressing like a bed!

Zach Braff!

THIS guy, amIright? Why do I feel like I got genital warts just from looking at this photo?

Celia Keenan-Bolger!

The fit is off, the hem is wonky, the color is bad, the shoes disappear, and the styling is virtually nonexistent. I cannot think of a single nice thing to say.

Fantasia and Patti LaBelle!

Love this color on Fantasia, but that is basically the gown version of a terrycloth robe. In fact, I think I used to have one of those in that color. It didn't sparkle but it was pretty similar. Patti looks like she had no idea there would be a fireworks display going off on her cloak. Because, my dear readers, if it has a collar popped like that and a train that long to it - that is not a coat, it is a cloak. Also, I feel like our Patti looks a bit... freshened, yes? I just wish she had not borrowed Dawn O'Porter's hair.

Orlando Bloom!

Oh girl, oh no. No no no.

Kate Mara!

I don't know why I even try with this one. It's not worth putting her on probation because she will never get out of it. At the Met Ball she wore dusty old wallpaper. To the Tonys she wore an Uglydoll. At least her makeup looks good.

Cherry Jones!

Cherry Jones heard there was going to be a weird (cool? I don't know, I keep going back and forth) moment devoted to rapping The Music Man and decided to dress in theme. Oh Cherry. I want so much more for you... starting with your hair.

Jessie Mueller!

Oh dear god. The cut is unflattering, the color doesn't exist, it's a borderline muppet-fur skirt, it could most definitely use a necklace and it doesn't fit! Jessie! Girl, you deserve so much better! You are charming and talented! Get a better dress! Quite honestly, I wish she had worn that cute blue and white costume from the "I Feel the Earth Move" number.

Tony 2014 Fashion Rundown: The Meh

I think we're going to have a fight.

THE MEH

Audra McDonald!

Audra herself is fabulous perfection, but this look is not. I don't mind the print on the dress all that much but the black beadwork accents are totally off-putting for me. It's the first thing that catches my eye and I cannot get past it. Also, if that hairdo isn't a cry for help, I don't know what is. Overall, this look is an Almost - it could have been great but it's just sort of deflated.

Zachary Quinto!

This is not the tux for you, pretty boy. That vest makes it look like someone just gave you an atomic wedgie. The sweaty hair isn't helping. However, I am living for those shoes.

Kelli O'Hara!

Snoooooooze. Snoozeville, population 1. Snoozefest. Snoozapalooza.

Beth Behrs!

Let's fix this look. Try it with a boat neck, a cap sleeve, ditch that godawful bow thing in the middle, get a much flashier bracelet, and do a low side chignon. That would be a great use of this fabulous skirt. Otherwise it's gala awards partytime on the bottom and cocktails on the roofdeck on a Tuesday up top.

Carol King (seen here with Jessie Mueller who we will most certainly address in a different post)!

Reader Jessica said it best: it was a Chico's kind of day. PS, it was difficult to find a photo of Ms. King.  PPS, I have listened to Tapestry at least once a month since I was 13. No regrets.

Wayne Brady!

I can't quite put my finger on what it is, but something is off about this look. I think it's actually the tie. The suit is cut well, if a skosh too snugly (I mean, dude, I can see your junk outline - joutline), and I tend to like a navy tux. Maybe it's the sheen of the tux plus the confusing texture of the tie? It didn't look great on camera, either. It's a definite Meh for me, Wayne.

Anna Gunn!

The dress is half an inch too long, the top is too big in the shoulders, the neckline detail (is it a necklace?) overwhelms, and that is a rookie level bag choice. Combined with the sad hair and understated makeup, this look comes off as tired and all one color.

Sarah Greene!

Sarah thought she's pop over to the Tonys after attending her friend's bridal shower that afternoon. It's cute but, girl, if you wanna be a winner you gotta dress like a winner.

Tina Fey!

This is like a masterclass in how styling can ruin a look. The dress? Unbelievable. Absolutely gorgeous, dramatic, fits like a dream. The makeup I won't knock because we know our Tina comes off better with understated eyes - but I would have liked a different lip color. But, GAH, that hair! No Tina! You are not suited to the scraped back look that some, like, say, Juliana Margulies rocks on occasion. Imagine this with soft, full waves and maybe a little sideswept bang. Imagine this with a NECKLACE. I'm not asking for much: just some hair and ice.

Daniel Radcliffe and Erin Darke!

Charter School for the Arts Senior Prom 2014.

Idina Menzel!

Why does Adele always look like she wants to fucking murder everyone? I like the dress okaaaay. I don't know. I definitely like the top of the dress better than the bottom - the construction looks slightly shoddy on those two seams that go down the thighs. But the top, even, gives me some pause because it looks so much like her boobs are wrapped in an extremely elaborate bow. Dig the styling, though,

Lucy Liu!

Definitely wins the award for biggest disappointment. I was counting on Lucy to smoke these jokers in the fashion category but she came wearing... this. The bodice is far too tight, the hair is far too 2007, and those shoes are not good enough to show off with a gross mullet hem. I hate the mullet hem trend so much you guys. SO MUCH. I really want to love this dress and on paper it is pretty great... it's just half a size too small and styled all wrong. Love the bag. Love the ice.

Until tomorrow, let us all agree: a little ice on the clavicle goes a long way.