Tony Awards Fashion Rundown 2014: The Good

Well yesterday was quite the day! It was Pride here in Philly AND I got to see The Kids in the Hall live (fulfilling a childhood dream) AND it was the best of all possible awards shows: The Tony Awards. As a theatre kid, the Tonys have always been the most exciting awards ceremony for me - I love seeing the performances, rooting for my favorites, and at least once in the evening being absolutely horrified that something like THAT could possibly be on Broadway (cough*Rocky*cough) (seriously... what is going on with that show). Lately, the Tonys have taken on a different kind of excitement - last year someone I actually know was nominated! Someone from my alma mater worked on multiple shows nominated and was thanked by name (way to go Buist)! But the thing about the Tonys that always seems not quite right is, well, the fashion. Let's see what we got, shall we?

THE GOOD

Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness!

Let's start with the man of the hour. I sort of feel meh about Hugh Jackman usually... until he does his Broadway thing. The guy is amazingly talented and immensely charming. His tux is beautifully cut (though it looks weird here because he insists on touching his wife for some reason). Deborra-Lee, for her part, looks better than she ever has (remember that furry thing [scroll down to the BAD]). She loves this neckline, but this time it's working for her. Well done, you two, but especially Hugh.

Judith Light!

Looking fabulous and fierce.

Jonathan Groff!

Appropriate almost to a fault. I adore this kid. When is he going to be in another show? (PS, Groff, I loved your little nod to the Adele Dazeem snafu... nicely played.)

Patricia Clarkson!

Woooof! Hello nurse! Could use a necklace, but other than that, perfect perfect.

Anika Noni Rose!

Let's be real: this should not work. But! It does! The styling is perfection - hair is simple, makeup is flawless, shoes are not distracting - she just let the dress be the star... other than her smile. Anika! That smile!

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka!

David always has to do a print, doesn't he? This is far less horrifying than the Met Ball idea and, to be honest, they look incredible. Perfect fits, great shoes. Also, I'm watching the Awards as I watch this (obvs I DVR'd so I could watch it a bunch) and holy mother of god I need a ticket to Hedwig like TOMORROW.

Emmy Rossum!

Glamorous with an edge. Usually Emmy bores the hell out of me, but I'm digging this. Bringing old school washingboard realness.

Lena Hall!

Let's say you play a man in a show. And you're so good at it you win a Tony for it....What do you wear to the Awards? Vamp-tastic goth couture? Why yes! I adore this. Maybe I would have pulled the hair back, but whatever. This dress is a dream.

Sophie Okonedo!

Gorgeous and dramatic and it looked amazing on camera. Well done, Sophie!

Rosie O'Donnell (seen here with Michelle Rounds)!

Rosie looks better than she ever has. Seriously - this doesn't even look underdressed. It's just sublime on her.

Sutton Foster!

Sure it's about to go tits ahoy, but this is a GOWN. She looks stunning. I love the gold paired with it - that warms it up and gives it a bit of sophistication. Guys, at some point Sutton Foster has to age... right? WHEN!?

Vera Farmiga!

Well, well, well. It looks like I was wrong: Vera Farmiga IS capable of looking fantastic and wearing something suited to a star instead of something borrowed from a washed up hooker from the OK Corral. I stand corrected.

Bryan Cranston and Robin Dearden!

Fantastic. Just wonderful. The polka dot bowtie is a great and playful addition to an otherwise standard tux. Robin looks outstanding, yes? I wanted to highlight this because this is exactly the dress I want Mayim Bialik to wear. Mayim, are you listening? This would look stunning on you! Call Robin Dearden!

Met Ball 2014 Fashion Rundown: The WTF

As always, the Met Gala has the highest number of WTF entries of the red carpets we cover here at WTS. That is because these people are insane and also because COUTURE. Shall we see what our dear sweet daffy celebs have in store for us? I think we shall.

THE WTF

Sari Mercer (seen here with Chiwetel Ejiofor)!

What fresh hell is this? No really, please tell me. I don't see any reason at all to come to the Met Ball dressed as Great Aunt Bea's fussiest guest room and carrying the bag version of Stephanie Seymour's dress. I'll give her this: excellent arm candy.

Rihanna!

This outfit actually makes me mad at Rihanna because there is absolutely no reason this should be seen outside of a Janet Jackson video circa 1994 AND because there is absolutely no reason she should be able to actually make it look good. WTF, Rihanna?!

Kirsten Dunst!

I'll be straight with you: I absolutely love this. It's completely whack, but it's also totally fabulous and hilarious. Well played, Kiki, well played.

Florence Welch!

Oh, Flo, you are so reliably kooky. Congratulations on wearing a hideous butterfly comforter as a coat.

Beyonce (seen here with Jay-Z)!

Ol' white soles in the background says it all. His face is all sorts of "OMFG BEYONCE!" but also "OMFG IS BEYONCE WEARING CLOTHES???" and a little bit "OMFG BEYONCE IS NAKED BUT NEEDS TO COVER HER FACE WTF IS THAT ABOUT?!" Because isn't that what we're all thinking? Jay-Z looks fantastic, of course.

Kate Upton!

Oh crap, guys. They're rebooting Gunsmoke with Kate Upton as Miss Kitty.

Lena Dunham!

It's heavy looking and the shape isn't doing a thing for her. For me, the only thing I can think with this look is that once Mara Wilson announced she has no desire to be part of Mrs. Doubtfire 2, Lena threw everything she had into getting that role. Am I the only one who sees it?

Lupita Nyong'o!

Okay, sure, no one can have a flawless season, but this is SO VERY FAR off the mark that I don't even want to admit that it's her. She looks like a Mardi Gras float gone horribly wrong. You're tearing me apart, Lisa  Lupita!

Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen!

Bless their 80 year old hearts. I have to say that, once again, I find Ashley's look to be the better of the two even if she is veering slightly into Costume Land with her monied-widow-with-Jane-Haiyre look (thank you, Reader Marsha). MK, on the other hand looks somehow ever so slightly less fabulously retired. I think it's a combination of bad fit, a big grandma bag (comparatively), and treadmill hair. All in all, I absolutely love these two and always look forward to their Met Gala selections. Delightful.

Zoe Saldana!

That is the biggest knee goiter I've ever seen.

Brie Larson!

A conversation happening in the background:

Bryan Cranston's Wife: Hey, don't be obvious, but is that Bjork?
Bryan Cranston: No, I'm pretty sure that's not Bjork.
Bryan Cranston's Wife:  Are you sure?
Bryan Cranston: That's definitely not Bjork.
Brie Larson: [to self] My name Isobel.

Naomi Watts!

Naomi Watts is wearing a tribute to polka dots, figure skating, mermaids, fish scales, and most especially the vagina.

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka!

What the actual fuck is going on here? Why are they dressed like marionettes in shrunken clothes?

Katie Holmes!

When did Katie Holmes turn into Sally Field? I take it back, actually, because that might hurt Sally Field's feelings. All I can think is that this is some sort of performance art version of how Belle would actually look after a month or so of captivity in the Beast's palace - slightly manic, definitely rumpled and dirty. You know? I'd probably watch that show.

Sandra Lee!

Bibbity Bobbity EW! I am Semi-Afraid (see what I did there?) of this dress. You guys, this is all at once one of the worst and one of the funniest looks I've ever seen. Bless you, Sandra Lee. Keep being you.

Met Ball 2014 Fashion Rundown: The Bad

Et voila!

THE BAD

Elizabeth Olsen!

 That is straight-up a figure skating costume. It doesn't look like one, it is one.

Jessica Alba!

 Jessica, no. We do not wear unflattering curtains to the Met Ball.

Claire Danes!

 This is the 11th grade prom dress you rejected for being "too much." Why is there velvet on her body in May? Oh Claire. At least she got her makeup right this time?

Alexa Chung!

 The sad hair, the bad shoes, the.... I guess we're calling that a dress?, the understated makeup... I just can't you guys. Why does this dress exist? It's one of the worst things I've ever seen. I'm just hoping there's something worse to keep it all in perspective.

Suki Waterhouse!

 Ah yes, there it is: something worse to keep it all in perspective. She looks like a mangy camel.

Shailene Woodley!

  Do you see the woman in stripes in the back, clutching her face in dismay? That's me. What is this dress? Why does she look like she's trying to hide behind a lamp and curtains? Who let this happen?

Emma Stone!

 Midriff alert, threat level orange. The athletic cut top is not helping me here, though I do quite like the skirt. But with the hair and everything, she kind of looks like she's an extra in some Legally Blonde wedding scene.

Gabrielle Union!

 Midriff alert, threat level red! I think that skirt is trying to attack her/us/the world. Gabby, you in danger girl.

Kate Mara!

 She looks better than she has perhaps ever, but still she's in the bottom. This seems to me to be an ode to the wallpaper found in historic houses, complete with protective layer of dust. I don't know why I even try with Kate Mara.

Idina Menzel!

 Gah! Oh girl, oh no. No no no.

Rita Ora!

 While it is highly editorial, it's also highly ugly. Rita, babe, you tried. I hope your arm feels better soon.

Anna Wintour!

  Drab drab drab drab drab. Must she always wear this silhouette to the Met Ball? Must she? I assume she must. Boring and disappointing.

Stephanie Seymour!

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NO.
Guys, let's make an agreement: even if we look this good in our mid-40s, let's not wear dresses we would have drooled over as 9 year olds.

Zooey Deschanel!

Something is very off here and I just can't put my finger on it. It strikes me as sloppy and matronly. Also! Sometimes I don't think she looks like herself at all and it's confusing. Is it just me?

Lily Allen!

  Lily Allen is seen here wearing An Ode to the Layers of Earth: From Crust to Mantle to Core. I don't quite understand why there are also bows on her arms nor why she's carrying a package of gummy bears as a purse, but then again maybe I'm just not "with it" and "hip."

Dianna Agron!

 Everything is wrong. The hem is a ruiner, the purple graduation hood detail is heavy looking, the makeup is too understated, and that bag is hideous. While we're at it, if you're wearing a mullet hem, you'd better be damn sure you're wearing the best possible shoes for the ensemble. Dianna is not. Girl, be careful... it looks like Gabby's skirt is eying you up from the back.

Michelle Williams!

 "Oh shit," Michelle thought to herself. "I seem to have wondered into the Met Ball on the way to dinner with my agent. Shit shit shit. Okay, be cool. Confidence is the best way to cover when one is underdressed for an event. Didn't I read that somewhere? Argh, I wish I had put on mascara! No, no, don't do that. Confidence. Confidence."

Nicole Richie!

 So she's still doing the lavender-silver hair, huh? I still like it, for the record, UNLIKE how I feel about this sheath. I have to say, though, I get the feeling this looked better in life that it does in the photo. Before you move on to the next unfortunate outfit, take a moment to observe the man in the back trying to sneak a photo of Nicole's butt. His expression is pure, "I swear I'm not doing anything! Just taking a regular non-creepy photo!" It's perfect.

Rosamund Pike!

 Zip-up leather top, sweater skirt of many textures and patterns, giant terrifying bug shoes, and a dildo tied around her waist. MET BALL.

Solange!

 The hair is disappointing for me and the dress is too big on her. Though, I suppose when you're wearing a giant man-eating vagina, you need a little extra fabric in the torso for support.

Lea Michele!

 Speaking of extra fabric around the torso - what in the world is going on with her waist? Quite beyond that, oh Lea. Stop trying to look like a 52 year old divorcee who is trying to sleep with every 23 year old man within a half mile radius. It's a tired look, dear, most especially on you.

Kristen Stewart!

 Yes but why? On a scale of 1 to Patton, this is a firm 9, and maybe just for the combination of ostrich feathers and that hideous sequined underskirt.