Thursday, May 12, 2016

Met Ball 2016: The WTF!

My dear readers, we are now at the end of our Met Gala coverage. The WTF is a truly special category for this event because it is not necessarily bad, it's just mind-boggling. Shall we break our brains?


Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen!
Long live the queens of the WTF. Do you think they flip a coin to determine which of them will be Big Edie and which will be Little Edie each day? Ashley got Little Edie this time, good for her.

Michelle Williams!
Hi, my name is Michelle and I'll be taking care of you tonight. It's still happy hour for 10 more minutes and margaritas are $2 off!

Kate Hudson!
The construction on this gown is unbelievable but I have to share Lady Gaga's "girl wut" in the background there; girlfriend is wearing bedazzled paper.

Zoe Kravitz!
I have no idea what I'm looking at but I cannot stop looking. Is it wings? A butterfly? Perhaps the world's largest butt bow? I don't care because I'm captured by her spell. CAPTURED!

Michelle Monaghan!
Surgical adhesive tape and multi-length pleather skirts. Was this a Project Runway challenge? Okay, for real though, this dress was made from recycled bottles, so that's pretty cool. The only problem is that it LOOKS like it was made from recycled bottles. I don't award points for effort, Monaghan!

Jemima Kirke!
I mean, if I did award points for effort.... actually, no. Not even then. 

What fresh hell is this? Go stand with Alicia Vikander and think about what you've done.

Emma Watson!
Hair: yes. Makeup: yes. Top: yes yes yes. Bottom: are... those...pants...with a train? That are too big on her? YES BUT IN THE OTHER WAY. Sad yes.

Sarah Jessica Parker!
Speaking of pants... GIRL WUT. This is dress code level Advanced Business Casual which is inappropriate for the Met Gala. Additionally none of it really goes together. The shoes don't even match EACH OTHER! (I'll admit to you, my dear readers, that my first thought was that those sleeves would make it hard to eat soup. Because there is so much soup consumed at the Met Ball, obvs.) I am glad that SJP got her makeup on point for the theme. Nothing says fashion in the age of technology like showing up with cyborg eyes.

Kanye West (seen here with Kim Kardashian)!
Speaking of speaking of pants and cyborg eyes... NOPE. You may not wear jeans and a tshirt to the Met Gala! I do not care how much bling is on your jacket! Good day sir. (But for real I love the idea of eye color as accessory - that's pretty neat.) 

Nicki Minaj!
Nicki Minaj: An ode to belts. In other news, look in the background!!!!That's the farthest apart I've ever seen them photographed!

Madonna was like "I heard Nicki Minaj is going to do upscale bondage. WELL I'LL SHOW HER!" Madge, what are you doing. What, what, what are you doing? Look at your boobs, look at your choices. 

Rita Ora!
I applaud Rita Ora for letting her bush grow out.

OH YES I DID JUST PUT BEYONCE RIGHT AFTER RITA ORA (even though that rumor probably isn't true)! So this dress. Oy Bey. It looks like she's wearing the bejeweled skin of her victims. The reason this falls here is because she is giving us an amazing year (Beyonce does not have years, she gives them to us mortals) and I expected a real showstopper at Met Gala. Then again, she's failed here before. I'm just sort of disappointed about the look. But not about the puffed sleeves. Puffed sleeves 4EVA.

And, finally, my dear readers, the greatest and best thing I have perhaps ever seen...

Julie Macklowe!
Space age Picasso one-piece full length pantsuit? BUT OF COURSE. You, lady, are a piece of work.

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